Alternate Realities

I was at work chatting with my coworker when she made the statement that “everyone has their own reality.” I didn’t argue with her at first mainly because it made me curious. So before I kept thinking about it I decided to run the question by Gevar. As G was giving his answer my brain kicked in and started running with the idea of everyone having their own reality. To some point I can jump on the band wagon that everyone has their own reality but I eventually have to jump off. Yes, it is true that we have our own unique perspectives and certain things work out for some people that don’t necessarily work out for others, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has their own reality, at least not in the grand scheme of it all. If the concept of reality varies from individual to individual then reality itself doesn’t really exist, right? If it did then we all would have to agree on the same reality, which we don’t, so in my opinion if everyone has their own reality then reality doesn’t exist.

Gevar’s argument was that everyone has their own reality about what they go through personally and how they interpret it. He felt that we interpret things based on our life experiences (which I agree on)… being that his experiences and mine are not going to be identical, so in theory our realities are different. He also went on to say that everyone is at different points and moments in their lives… also reinforcing the argument that we do have different realities. I countered by saying that there has to be a SET reality. There has to be a true reality in which we all exist and agree on. Sure, the direction in life that you may take is different from mine but does that effect reality? Do we confuse reality with perspective or is our individual perspectives reality? I don’t have a definite answer to that. I slightly agree that we have our own reality, but whether we see eye to eye or not, it is not like we can individually mold the “reality” around us into something else entirely. Then say we did have our own reality. What if how we perceived everything was our own unique reality? Why would I choose to constantly live in failure? I have the control to change it, it’s my perception, and therefore I can change it if I find enough evidence to do so. I can make myself believe in whatever I want. I can shape my life into whatever I want. I can choose to conform to someone else’s beliefs or ideals or I can choose my own. Life is basically made from the choices we make. You are the choices you make in life and those choices mold who you into the person you are and how you are perceived. I don’t really understand some of the crazy things some people choose to make sense to them, then again a lot of people don’t see how I come to the conclusions that I come to. We will not particularly see things exactly the same and something’s have to be approached differently for some people to grasp the concept or form the same conclusion another has. Does that really mean that reality really is ours to make up? Does reality change from individual to individual? Just because you believe something to be true or make sense, does that really make it true? Truth means something exists without a doubt or is independent of too much thought.

Well that’s my take; I wonder what other people think of this question.



[Definition] Reality is defined as:

1. the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them
     a. a thing that is actually experienced or seen, esp. when this is grim or problematic
     b. a thing that exists in fact, having previously only existed in one’s mind
     c. the quality of being lifelike or resembling an original

2. the state or quality of having existence or substance
     a. (Philosophy) existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions

3. Phrases
      a. In reality- in actual fact 9used to contrast a false idea of what is true or possible with one that is more accurate)
      b. The reality is- used to assert that the thrust of a matter is not what one would think or expect

3 Random Rants

Cursive

I was sitting at home trying to write down some of the albums I wanted to download and add to my computer. I found myself frustrated by how slow I was writing cause by the time I wrote one thing down, I’d forget what I wanted to download next (my brain likes to run faster than my fingers can keep up at times). So, I kind of asked myself why I don’t write in cursive any more. It was one of the most random thoughts but it had a point. Why don’t I write in cursive anymore? One of the reasons is that when I really get in a hurry I can’t read whatever the hell I wrote. This is really sad. Then I always have my smart phone with me so there is no reason to carry a pen anymore (I do anyway because it’s just something I find myself doing). Also because I haven’t written in cursive in a long time, I had to think about how to compose some of the letters. While I was practicing how to write (really sad again), I thought about why we ever had to learn to write in cursive to begin with. I honestly don’t see the purpose of ever learning to write in cursive other than to learn how to write your signature. I guess for the most part it was suppose to be some means to write faster… considering the even flow used to construct letters. I remember one of my teachers marking off my paper because she couldn’t read one of the words I had written…. I mean seriously, who can read everyone’s cursive anyway? So many people’s handwritings are unique and illegible anyway, I don’t see how you can mark off on someone’s paper because you found it difficult to read their cursive, especially if you required that they write it in cursive (not to mention as the student you could barely read your teachers cursive comments on your paper… double fail). I was told that they are removing cursive from the syllabi of many classes. It is basically a dead skill, especially with the existence of smart phones, tablets, and computers. With so many people demanding “talk to text” we’ll probably stop teaching kids how to write…. At least we all read more.

Hand Sanitizer

Hand sanitizer is awesome. It has some great uses: it kills 99.99% of germs, which helps your children limit the amount of germs they spread around, and it can get permanent ink off of your office desk (that’s what I like to use it for). However, the thing that makes me wonder about it is, how much of a purpose does it really have if it doesn’t remove the dirt and grim from your hand? Like if you had dirt and oil on your hand does the hand sanitizer just sanitize the oil and dirt? Cause it surely doesn’t remove it. And once the dirt and oil is sterilized, does that make you “clean”? Cause you are technically walking around covered in sanitized dirt and oil. Then again I would hope that you don’t try to bath or wash yourself in hand sanitizer.

Don’t Judge Women by the Clothes They Wear

…. And why not??? I honestly feel like if you dress a certain way then you should be expected to be perceived and treated a certain way. If a dude is seen wearing a jersey, dirt jeans and some Crocs, then most people will not take him that seriously, so what makes a female any different? Time and time again we tell people not to judge a book by its cover (basically, don’t judge people by how they look on the outside but the quality of what lies within them), but then again we also say that image is everything. Image is a lot though, it basically sums you up to a certain extent or another, but it isn’t everything. How you look is important because it isn’t just about how you feel but it’s also about how people who do not know you will view you. It actually is an important concept to come to terms with. That being said I believe it is pretty justifiable to not really take someone seriously if they are dressed inappropriately. That does not mean be disrespectful or anything of that sort. I’m saying that I’m not going to take you seriously if you are wearing summer clothes in the winter time, so why would I take you seriously if you are walking around half naked all the time? What am I suppose to think about a female who invites me to her place and she then changes into some booty shorts? How am I suppose to respond to that, I clearly see your booty, and you clearly were fully aware of what you put on so… what sort of image am I left with to have of you? How am I supposed to think that you are a mature respectable woman when you are walking around with your ass out? I know you feel the breeze on your booty. You don’t see females or men who take themselves seriously enough showing too much skin or much skin at all. I’m not saying that you have to wear a business suit for me to take you seriously (I’ve seen women fail at wearing appropriate business attire. Showing too much cleavage is a fail). There are plenty of ways to dress appropriately and be comfortable, there are also plenty of ways to dress for fun and be sleek and sexy without the risk of a nip slip increasing to 90%. I don’t care how much of a gentleman a dude is, I promise you that he will try to take a peek at a nipple. I’m not going to beak my neck to see some titties but, hey, my day will become a little brighter just by seeing one… and two… AWWW MAN!!!! I’m slightly joking, but seriously, what you wear and how you wear it says things about you whether you realize (or accept) it or not. That’s why I wear a tie to work, and why when I go out I try to wear something appropriate enough and comfortable enough for me to enjoy wearing. I’m not going to dress in a shirt and tie just to go to the store for a Saturday run, then again I’m not going to run in the store wearing running shorts or tights. Some things just really aren’t appropriate to wear. I love to look nice when I feel nice, but I’ve never had the desire to dress or feel slutty. Nudity and (too much) skin should be reserved for the comfort of you being home by yourself, not in other people’s faces… there is a reason why mostly porn stars wear fishnet.

Self Reflection in September

So a couple of weeks ago, I took a vacation to visit my two wonderful friends and to witness them get married. As I spent my week with them, I evaluated my life and how everything is currently going. I started to think about all the things that the people in my life are going through and experiencing. I honestly feel like everyone… and I do mean EVERYONE around me is getting married or having kids or both. I couldn’t help feeling a little left out. It almost felt like I missed out somewhere… then I’d snap out of it to enjoy my week. It was crazy that I keep feeling like I was missing out on something in life. I felt like I had no purpose up there at times but we’d end up doing something then I would snap me out of it. It was a weird feeling. By the end of the week I was a little happy to be going back home to my normal routine. I thought the feelings I felt and the thoughts I had while I was in Virginia would fade away when I got back home. I don’t even know why I even tried to fool myself by trying to believe that… In other words, I was wrong.



This entire month has been crazy in my mind. Every week I get reminded that everyone around me is having babies or getting married. Everywhere I turn around someone is getting engaged, about 5 people at work have had babies this year, Jrome just welcomed his baby girl a few months ago, and on top of that I’ll be an uncle in about 5 weeks. All the babies in my universe is actually keeping me away from dating… not that I’m having sex or anything, I just feel like it’s a sign telling me to be careful and not jump into something, as stupid as that sounds. And the baby thing didn’t bother me until this past weekend when I went to see my brother. I felt kind of left out in the family in a sense because of this ordeal with him expecting his first born and my parents becoming grandparents. I really haven’t given the pregnancy a second thought until this weekend. I had this strange feeling like he stole something from me. It was crazy; this wave of spitefulness came over me. I’m the first born and I’ve been taking my time to “do things right.” Find the right person for me, establish myself at work and live on my own to experience the world around me and then settle down. It seems like I get criticized more than anything these days, while everyone is praising him and behind him while he is expecting his first born son. It was crazy because I love my brother to death, I’m proud of him, and I stand behind him in whatever he does (as long as it’s positive). It’s really exciting going through this with him and watching him step up to the plate as a father. Then he will probably be getting married within the next year too. Nothing but good things coming around the horizon and I had the audacity to feel jealous…. Its things like that that really make me mad at me. Glad I checked myself on that too, because that’s the same foolishness that leads me to read too much in my past and think of ways I could have salvaged my failed relationships with various people. Or carry feelings of resentfulness toward people who I love and who have done nothing to me.



It’s crazy that the pressure to reach that next level in life is affecting me like this. That’s my flesh and blood too. It told me a couple of things about myself though, both good and bad. I’m more aware of who I am as a person which means that I’ve grown a lot. It also showed me that I’m still not ready yet, but I’m ready to try to be ready for whatever life has for me around the corner. I just have to lower the walls that I’ve placed up. And I know that I wasn’t just jealous of him but I was jealous of everything around me too. My friends and family members having babies and getting married got to me. I keep having these feelings that I’m feeling left out. Everyone has the same thing to talk about and I don’t. I’ve always wanted to have a family too, so of course that’s the source of it all. I guess being surrounded by all this family building; I got a little discouraged based on my current situation. Which is silly to me, because why would I want to be in a rush to start a family? Like that’s going to make everything work out. I’m not ready for any of that yet. And I don’t want to struggle trying to provide for a family right now. I do not have the mentality for that right now. It’s almost like I see being single as a problem. But that’s not really the case though. I just want to be in a good and fulfilling relationship. It’s getting boring watching television and movies by myself, or trying to gather a bunch of people up to go somewhere. At the same time I’m still too set in my ways and selfish. I’m willing to set all that aside though. I’m willing to do all of this because I ultimately want a family so I believe that my time will eventually come. I’m not in a rush but that doesn’t mean that I can’t put myself out there as being available and approachable. Plus I do like getting to know people… cool people at least. And there is only a few ways I know to meet new people. The main thing about meeting new people is that you have to be approachable. No one likes being around someone who is too guarded. Then to meet that “special” person, you have to be in the right place at the right time and be open-minded with discernment. But really and truly if you practice discernment, then the location and time will fall into place.



Anyway, I thought I share a little personal tidbit about myself and how I currently feel in one way or another. At least how I understand how I feel at the moment. Like I tell everyone else, things will get better, but it starts with me first.

Congratulations to the Co-Bloggers/Statement to Our Readers

Man, we fell off like T.I.'s music career didn't we? And very similar to his career it was our fault and I'd like to take this time to apologize for not posting. It's not like we are burnt out on material to talk about... I seriously doubt that will ever happen. We started this blog to share our personal experiences and viewpoints with you guys and to be honest we underestimated the level of dedication it takes to maintain a blog. So we apologize, and we will do better at making sure that we give you some post on a consistent basis. It won't be on a week to week basis but we will try to deliver them to you on a consistent basis.

On that note, it's not like we haven't been doing anything in our 7-8 month absence. We have been living our lives. We are all in our mid twenties after all, and as you all may know or not know, your 20's are a pretty crucial time in life. It's when you started actively taking strides in being the person you were meant to be (or want to be). For most of us this means and includes starting a family and getting into your career. I've done my congratulations on a number of occasions to my friends and co-bloggers but I want to officially congratulate them from the blog.

This year Jrome has been preparing for the arrival of his first born child. I'm quite sure that he will be telling us about how it feels to have her in his life right now and how he is viewing life now as a father to a beautiful baby girl. I'm happy that my boy gets to experience love and joy on a entirely new playing field. I know he'll be a great father and I can't wait to she how he handles this change in his life.

Gevar just recently got hitched to one of our guest writers, Memorie. I'm excited about all my people's milestones in life, but this one is something I did not want to miss at all, maybe because I feel like i had a nice part in this union. I mean, I did introduce them to each other, but i of course can't take all of the credit, if any really because they made it happen and I'm proud of them. I pray they have a wonderful life together, I truly believe they will. HOPEFULLY G will be bringing us some insight on his first year of marriage and the things he has and is experiencing. It would be very refreshing and I'm sure you guys would love to read about what he has to say.

What about me you ask? Well, everything is pretty much on cruise control right now. Except I will be an uncle in a couple of months, not a drastic life changing experience like marriage and a child but who knows, maybe I'll get a dog and share how it feels to be a dog owner.... I'm slightly kidding. I've actually started trying to date again, so prepare yourselves for some pretty funny, sad and interesting blog post from me because i will be attempting to share my experiences and you guys will have to bare with me as i get a little personal about my life.

So, I hope you guys are still with us and continue to journey on through life with us and our opinions. As always please comment and share, we love insight.

"I Can Change" (For You)

The other night i sat with a friend and had a long talk about relationhips and dealing with all that can come with it: Drama, children, truth, growth, expectations, needs. With all relationships you have to deal with those topics and questions that qeustion, Where is this going? What do you expect out of this? What do i want out of this? Do we have a future or is this just for now? At the end of our conversation we realized that there are plenty of answers... if you have the right mindset to accpet them. Im a strong believer in flat out honesty. If my intentions with a person are simply for a physical purpose, i have no shame in saying so. If i hope for more than just a physical relationship i have no problem in letting it be known. Some people i can only view as a friend and though they may want more i have no problem being up front to say it wont happen. That honesty is something i think we (people in general) have gotten away from, we spend so much time playing "the game" that when it comes to being honest we tend to lie to ourselves. We lie to ourselves about what we want so we won't have to be alone. We lie to ourselves about who we really like to avoid being "shot down". We lie to ourselves about what will compliment us in our drive to do more, be more, earn more, in order to be content with someone who does us wrong. I have listened to plenty of friends complain about their relationships, complain about the lies, the cheating, the distrust, the unwillingness to work together to be happy. No relationship is perfect, they all require time, focus, and patience. So many of us want to find "Love" now that we overlook what being happy really is. I am quick to tell people, "you can't be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself." I live by it, believe it, and allow it to benefit me. If you can't wake up in the morning happy because of what you are doing and striving for, how can you expect someone else to do the same? If you hate the person you are, why would the person you are with like it? Ex.: If a friend constantly tells you how bad their job is, all the excess work they do, how they are under paid, how the managers never acknowledge the accomplishments... why would you want to get a job there? The partnership that we call a relationship has lost the focus of what it actually is. It seems to be two people that tend to "care" for each other being "together" yet not paying attention to the others needs, personality, tendencies. We usually want to change someone into the person we envision ourselves with whether it be a childhood hope or things you've learned from past relationships. Rarely do we just accept the person for who they are, accept their flaws their likes and dislikes. Nothing in this world is perfect, but that doesn't mean you can't strive for perfection. I know i will probably catch flak for this but i will say it anyway... a relationship can be looked at like a business contract......

WHOA!!!

Whoa!!

whoa...!

before you snap just wait a second let me explain... I say this because a business contract has rules and regulations or else it becomes void (just like any respectable relationship). Each side takes on the plus and minus of the other with full understanding (atleast that which is told... like most relationships). Both sides agree to benefit off of each others success and support each other in the case of down fall to an extent (just like every common relationship). There are things that each business keeps to themselves as apart of remaining independant yet a majority is shared (just like most relationships should). If the contract at any point is broken both parties can walk away or try to agree to new terms (just like most relationships no days NEED lol). Now back to what i was saying... some find it offensive that i compare "love" to "business contract" but why? Both you want a level of understanding, reasonable expectations, basic honesty, free will, with hopes of overall growth and success for both parties. Is it a simple way of looking at it.... YES but in a day in age where simple things seem to confuse college graduates... maybe we need to take it to a elementary level. Theres nothing wrong with a basic simple way of looking at things... sometimes you have to start simple to get complex. Most relationships that end bad or end at all is out of disrespect for anothers choices or beliefs. I look at it as the "I can change him/her" as the most common lie to ourselves. Myself, i know im stubborn and somewhat set in my ways, I'm a true Taurus, yet i know i cant change anyone. If asked will i try to guide them yes because if its help you want and i can provide a helping hand i will try. Yet, I know when going into any situation, relationship, discussion, i cant change your mind nor do i plan to i just hope to show that there are other ways. Love is not simply a phone call, it's not just a kiss, not just a word, its a combination of actions and feelings, its a compromise. Too often when we try to change someone when lose oursleves, change is a choice. When you focus so much on changing someone you start to lose the thing that makes you worth while in being with. If you focus all the good in you on the bad in someone else both will fade. Becoming a better person in life is something they have to do for themselves, you can show them the path but you cant walk it for them. Honesty and communication are easily the most important things in any relationship. How you do these things may vary but keeping the lines open can make anything successful, with a little hard work, trust, and understanding. You can't change me... but i can change... for you!(25 weeks smoke free!)

Who Will Save Me?

Day in and day out we all seem to be looking for someone to rescue us from our situations. So where is my savior? Who is going to rescue me from my situation? Who is going to get me out of my rut? Save me from my depression? Enrich my life with purpose. Show me that there is more to the opposite sex than what I’ve currently and recently seen. Who is going to step up and be that person?

Then again…. Why can’t I be that person? Why can’t I be that person to step up and change things, especially the things in my own life? I was watching a show called Trigun this week on Netflix. I use to watch Trigun on Cartoon Network back when I was in high school. I use to watch a lot of the anime they had on Cartoon Network. They were really good stories filled with comedy, drama, and action. Everything you could ask for in a show. The heroes would always suffer so much because there would always be so much weight placed on their shoulders and they never really know how to handle it at first. They all have their own moral code in which they followed until it brought them to their eventual end. The thing I liked about anime is that you never knew if the hero would survive after the series ended, there was a sense of reality. We all have an expiration date (for lack of better words) but a lot of us want to just sit in the back of the fridge until we expire, even worse, some of us don’t even get picked up from the store…. I’m simply stating this to say, why can’t you be the one to stand up and save yourself?

In ­Trigun, the main character Vash was constantly followed by chaos, he always stood up for those who found themselves in unfavorable situations and made a difference in every person he met. It wasn’t until the end of the series that he really took a stand to put an end to the chaos that surrounded him. He confronted his main problem and handled it the way he ultimately believed he should. I liked that about the show. He confronted the demons that were presented in front of him.

This point was further reinforced in me when I was at church on Wednesday night. Reading from Ephesians 6:10-18, from my viewpoint it says that we need to be fighting our own battles. It doesn’t say anything about waiting for rescue or retreating in fear, it says stand strong in the Lord and in the power of his might against adversity. Then it lists the armor of God.

When do we stop standing up for ourselves? When did we start always looking for a savior to fight all of our battles, when we should very well be fighting these battles ourselves… what happened to us? It’s like we hear some good things and then we give up on ourselves and place everything on other people. Then when they fail we have someone to blame, but in reality we should be blaming ourselves for our inability to handle our situations the right way from the start. I understand that some situations our out of our hands but you have to realize that before it ever got out of hand it started off being in hand. We have all the tools we need to be delivered from our circumstances, but it all starts with a new mindset. You have to believe that you CAN do something about it. Each step we take towards progression is another step away from failure. It’s an ongoing process though; therefore we can’t give up on ourselves. We don’t get days of from adversity. Sure some days are easier than others, but there are no days off. The more you know the more is required of you, no one said that each day was going to be easier, but the more you know the more you are equipped with so that you can handle bigger problems as they come to you.

“With great power comes great responsibility” so exhaust all your resources before you start reaching out for help, you’ll be surprised what you can accomplish when you believe in yourself.

The Cheating Question

What would you do it if you spouse cheated on you? What would be your sequence of actions? How would you want to be dealt with if you are the one that cheated?


Cheating… I asked this question because people’s first reaction to being cheated on is to get angry and from that emotion nothing good actually happens. I never understood why women automatically resort to violence in the situation of being cheated on. Finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is not something to shrug off either. It is a very serious issue, but I don’t believe for one second that it deserves to be met with violence. The two actions don’t add up. The crazy thing is that women support the violent reaction, like that’s ok. He cheated on you; caused you emotional harm, humiliation and shame, but he did not cause you physical harm. Then there is that “all men cheat” stereotype. Well apparently we aren’t all gay so if all men cheat all women help them cheat.


The main reason I asked this question last week was to see how forgiving some people are willing to be when it comes to marriage. I chose this question because most people will agree that cheating is crossing the line in any relationship. To most people it is an unforgivable act that is grounds to end that relationship. I just don’t believe that. I think when people cheat they instantly feel regret for their actions and for the most part are ashamed to confess to their actions when they first do it. I think the reason people continue to cheat is because they guilt themselves into doing it. They fail to forgive themselves and fear that their spouse is not willing to forgive them. In many cases they are right. Why are we not willing to forgive someone that is really seeking forgiveness? If we were in a situation where we felt regret and remorse then we would want forgiveness but then we’ll hang things over people’s head who wrong us.


I believe in forgiveness. When people get married they promised to love and cherish each other through thick and thin, sickness and health, for richer or poorer. We as people don’t make the best decisions in life either. We are tempted on a regular basis, and we don’t pass every temptation test. Every temptation comes with at least two options. Either give in or walk away. When you give in to your temptations you have a moment of weakness. Just because you gave in doesn’t mean you have to give up either. So cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that you are willing to walk away from that relationship, just means that you made a stupid decision, now you can forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness or hide in your own shame and continue to cheat.


I don’t believe that forgiving people is handing them a free pass for their actions either. You reap what you sow, and every action has its proper response. I just don’t think that just because someone cheats on you that you should necessarily end the relationship. Every one has a selfish moment in a relationship. You have to decide whether the relationship is larger than that moment of weakness. The question isn’t really about cheating its how invested are you in your relationship? Are you that sure that you want to be with your spouse that you are willing to stick it out with them and help them through their problems and weaknesses? Some people really aren’t that invested in their relationships. Some people look for even the smallest excuse to give up on people. When it comes to marriage it’s bigger than that, especially if children are in the picture. Maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t a cake walk and I can only imagine how challenging it is to raise children and maintain a relationship. I just know that you can’t be invested in only the things you want to do.


Again, I’m not giving cheaters a pass, because cheating is a very selfish act. You are in a committed relationship but you are only worried about what you want and how you feel at that moment. You aren’t even thinking about how your actions are going to affect your life and the life of your spouse, how they will view you, the example you are showing. But if you have cheated you have to be willing to forgive yourself and hope that your spouse loves you enough to forgive you and rebuild the relationship that you damaged. I just don’t see how people believe that they are over forgiving someone for the things they did. Who are you to deny someone forgiveness? I promise you that when you find yourself on the wrong side of a decision you’ll want forgiveness. I know I would want it.


Let’s look at the situations that Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods found themselves in. Both incidents of them cheating went public. When Kobe did it every wanted his wife to divorce him and take all his money, why? Cause people are selfish and dumb. He asked his wife forgiveness and there hasn’t been another incident to this day that we know of. He is always talking about his family and shows how much he loves them everyday. Asked for forgiveness, was given forgiveness and everything is how it should be. Tiger on the other hand, had an affair with several different women and it blew up in his face. Both men were shameful for their actions but Tiger’s shame lead him down the wrong path. I don’t know if his ex wife forgave him or not, but her divorcing him was the right thing to do in my eyes because it was just too much. His infidelity was outrageous. You have to handle each situation differently. I’m sure Tiger loves his ex wife, but that was just messed up, and I think she made a sound decision.


I believe that no action is above redemption in my eyes. Every negative thing we do in life has a chance to be redeemed. I believe that redemption is possible for all who seek redemption and to make amends of the negative things they do in life. If these people are sincerely seeking redemption I believe we should support them. Meaning, that we need to be able to forgive people and not hang things over their head. So I don’t believe that once a cheater always a cheater - VP

The Prenuptial Agreement Question

Would you create a prenuptial agreement or sign one? How do you feel about prenuptial agreements? 

Before anyone tries to bite my head off for saying what I’m about to say, I believe in protecting your assets as well as you can. If you work hard to achieve something I do not feel it is right to have that taken away from you or that you should have to share that with someone. Now there are certain things that were designed for you to share and you purposely intended to share those things with someone. Those things are understandable to me. When it comes to prenuptial agreements, I have no objection or ill will for them.




A lot of people feel like a prenuptial agreement is like being married with one foot out of the door, but I don’t feel that way. I look at it as an insurance policy. If this marriage were to end then MY assets are protected. I don’t have to forfeit the plans I have for those assets just because my spouse wants to be greedy and get her hands on things that don’t belong to her. Yes when you are married you share things, but some things just don’t belong to you, they mean nothing to you and the only reason that these people want these things is because they believe they hold some form of monetary value, and its kind of like stabbing some one with a knife and leaving it in the wound (which is ideal because that’s what you are suppose to do when it comes to a puncture womb, you know so you don’t further worsen the wound… I digress).

We cannot ignore the fact that people are greedy. It doesn’t matter how much you love someone or claim you love them; you have limited control in how they act or will act. The tricky thing about making this statement is that I’m insinuating that you guard yourself in a relationship. However when it comes to marriage you can’t be guarded. Before you get married you have to be willing to be committed and trusting to one another. Saying this basically crushes my prenuptial agreement support. With divorce rates so high, it’s a little hard to ignore the fact that you may need some insurance. No one sees insurance as a bad thing. Having insurance is not saying that you are going to have an accident, and some people never have vehicle accidents. It’s saying that in case you do find yourself in an unfavorable situation you are protected. You are covered just in case something happens that you did not account for. In marriage most people don’t account for the fact that they may get divorced, why should you. Who goes into a relationship constantly thinking about the possible eventual break up?

I just think prenuptial agreements are highly misunderstood. For one it’s an agreement. It’s documentation (to me similar to a will, a marriage will) that says if this marriage were to fail I would like these assets to be protected under my care. With people so caught up in material possessions nowadays I don’t think that’s such a bad idea. Look at all the people that thought they were in love and when it went bad their former spouse gutted their assets and now this person is a miserable wreck because everything they earned has been taken away from them. Everything they planned for is ruined because of someone’s greed. Who wants to be that person?

I think if your spouse-to-be wants you to sign a prenuptial agreement, you need to read over it and sign it. ONLY IF IT APPEARS TO BE APPROPRIATE!!!!! They already want to be married to you, but they are just having you sign insurance papers. That’s not necessarily saying that you are walking into a failed relationship. The reason I don’t see it as a failure is because the best way to protect yourself is to stay married. As long as the two of you are married then you are going to be taken care of. I do not believe that a person should be financially supporting someone after a divorce, I don’t care what you claim to be use to or have grown accustom to. You were accustomed to be married but now you aren’t so deal with that decision. Now I understand there are many factors as to why people get divorced, I’m not talking about the super serious reasons (abuse, etc.). I’m talking about the petty reasons as why people get divorced. I believe if your spouse abuses you in any way that they need to be sued. However all of these things can be stipulated in the prenuptial agreement. To wrap it all up, the prenuptial agreement is basically legally documenting the act of putting all your cards on the table, in my opinion. I may be wrong, but at the same time I’m not against signing one or creating one if I see fit to do so. I’m not going to ignore the fact that things can go wrong and in the event that something can go wrong I don’t want me or my spouse being left out in the cold. If you really loved someone you wouldn’t want to harm them in any way. You wouldn’t want to take anything that belongs to them for your own selfish greed. You wouldn’t be petty or selfish period.


VP  
- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Traditional Marriage Question

Would you still want to marry your spouse to be if he or she didn't want a traditional wedding?







I'm a very simple person... a traditional marriage to me is between a man and a woman, how they want to be married doesn’t really bother me. Reasons being, I’m not the one getting married and I’m not paying for their marriage. That being said I want things to be as smooth as possible when it comes to holy matrimony. I personally want a simple wedding with my family and close friends in attendance. That's as close to traditional as I'm getting. I'm just not that big on huge events that cause people to lose sight of what's important. If my wife-to-be wants some huge meaningless ceremony, then I obviously made some mistake along the lines of me dating her…







Tradition is not a bad thing, but we can tend to focus more on the act of tradition and not its original meaning. We don't necessarily put any real thought into why we actually do some things. Tradition actually varies from group to group, family to family and person to person. So if everyone has their own tradition, what is truly traditional? Tradition basically boils down to what we are use to doing. I know when it comes to marriage traditional basically means marrying in a church in front of friends and family but like I said tradition varies from group to group. Always keep in mind that what's traditional to you isn't traditional to your spouse to be. Should that necessarily kill the relationship because the two of you have two different perceptions of what is traditional? I don't think so. Tradition can be a huge thing to people. Just like engagement rings. It’s a custom to give the woman a ring when you propose to her. There isn’t anything wrong with engagement rings but we can all agree that the whole engagement ring thing can be blown out of proportion. That can be said about tradition. You can go to church every Sunday for the rest of your life and that won’t make you a better person. Tradition really does mean a hill of beans. It’s just something we are use to do and don’t want to deviate from. It really comes down to you willing to spend the rest of you life with this one person, and if you are then you’ll realize how much the outside things really don’t matter.







The great thing about marriage is that once the two of you are married you start creating your own traditions whether you realize it or not. So you really shouldn’t get caught up on the act of keeping tradition. Focus on the meaning of why the tradition was started. - Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

The Engagement Ring Question

Are engagement rings important to have in the evolution of the relationship or just a waste of money?

In my personal honest opinion, engagement rings are pointless, which to me makes them a waste of money. I've heard why people think rings are so important but in the grand scheme of it all the ring holds as much importance as you put into it. At the end of each day the ring will be nothing more than metal and rock. Then again my opinion is bias because I don’t wear jewelry of any sort. I never understood the fascination of wearing jewelry. In fact, I didn’t buy my two college conference championship rings because I knew I was never going to wear the rings (plus I didn’t like the color and shape they chose), I digress slightly. I asked this question to see what people initially cared about and how they view the traditional engagement process. To all the men I've asked this question to 90% don't put that much importance in the ring. The only reason the man puts his energy into the ring is because his concern usually stops at the woman's desire.

Women fantasize and crave engagement rings a lot more than men do. In fact, some women will go as far as to not agree to marry a man just because he didn’t propose with a ring. They want a ring so bad that they refuse to marry the guy… The craziest thing about it is that the desire to have a ring is so much more than having the desire to be with the "man of their dreams". They have more affection for an inanimate object which feels nothing than the man who wants to spend the rest of his life with her. Before your marriage even begins her focus is completely off.



Of course the ladies would disagree with me because they feel like the ring is a symbol of commitment. It is suppose to be some constant reminder that they are in a committed relationship. It’s some bright shinny object that wards off men and makes her friends' and coworkers' jealous. My question is why should any of this matter? Sure a ring is a symbol of "eternal never ending love", just a forever loop of affection and blah, blah, blah. The thing about symbols is that we often find ourselves putting more energy and focus into the actual symbol than what they are suppose to stand for. A symbol is just that an image. Christians don’t worship crosses over Jesus Christ… well Christians that have a clue.



I personally think that the majority of females out there think they deserve a ring. It’s entitled to them. The reality of it all is that you don't have to be presented with or present a ring to advance your relationship. It really bothers me to hear females say that they would not marry a man just because he didn't get them a ring. Why is it so important to have one? The ring is just reinforcement to the proposal. It’s a visual symbol that helps persuade you into saying yes. That being said that visual symbol can be anything. It can be a boat, a car, a house, a slap bracelet, her favorite flower, etc. It doesn’t have to be anything, because the only thing that should matter is that this dude has made a decision in his heart and mind to want to spend the rest of his life with you. He wants to cherish and love you for the rest of his natural life. The only thing left for the two of you to do after he gets off his knee is to sign some papers to make it official. No ring can take the place of that. You don’t need a ring to remind you that you are married. You don’t need a ring to ward off people because they find you attractive, that’s why you have a mouth. If you are incapable of verbally telling someone that you are in a committed relationship then chances are you are looking for some excuse to step out of the relationship. If you are desperate for attention outside of your relationship well I don’t know what to tell you.

To me rings are extremely overly hyped and that’s our fault as people. We lose sight of the things that really matter. I’m not saying that I would not get a ring; I just don’t want the person I’m with to lose sight of what really matters in our relationship. How much you spend on a ring will never equal how much you care about a person. Never has and never will. I just hope we keep our relationships in perspective.

-VP

Intro to Evaluating the Next Step in Relationships

The older I get the more I think about marriage and relationships. To me relationship is the only thing that really matters in this world. It's the beginning and the ending of almost everything if you really think about. With my friends and family taking their relationships to the next level I could help but to ask myself questions. They were pretty interesting questions if i should say so myself, so I shared them with my friends just to see what their opinions and thought processes were.

Some people think I think to much, and that may be in the case in certain situations but I believe that these questions are important. They way you answer a question actually says more about you than a lot of people think. Your answers can show where your focus is when it comes to certain issues. They can even tell you what kind of person you are. Of course you all know this. So I've asked myself and my friends these following questions and I will be answering them throughout the week:
- Are engagement rings important to have in the evolution of the relationship or just a waste of money?


- Would/Could you marry a man if he didn't give you a marriage/engagement ring?


- Would you still want to marry your spouse-to-be if he or she didn't want a traditional wedding?


- Would you create a prenuptial agreement or sign one? How do you feel about prenuptial agreements?


- What would you do if your spouse cheated on you? what would be your sequence of actions?


- How would you want to be dealt with if you are the one that cheated?

 Pretty interesting questions huh? Maybe not, but I recieved some interesting responses. So I'm taking over the blog this week. That being said it will mainly be my opinion being expressed so feel free to argue or discuss your viewpoint. I welcome it.
I hoe you guys enjoy

-VP

You Gotta Fight 4 Your Right... (World At War)

But not to party... for equality... It's ironic that so much "revolution" is going on in the world in the same month that we celebrate "Black History". I have battled with myself for weeks questioning if I should write on this topic because it can cause so much fire within people and groups but I could not sit by and not speak on it. If not for Ghidorah for those who have ideas/thoughts but fear saying anything. I know there could be serious reprocussions but right now I feel like somebody besides the media needs to speak. A decade ago most people couldnt have forseen how far we have come, not only in a technological sense but in the sense of freedom. The U.S. was beginning to be viewed as the land of freedom and decade upon decade we have tried to help others gain the same freedoms and have the same voice. For generations we have helped push democratic revolution around the world. Although it began long before the formation of the U.S., it seems to be perfected by the American Revolution. From the Magna Carta(1215) and English Bill of Rights(1689) to the French Declaration of the Rights of Man and Citizen(1789) and the U.S. Bill of Rights(1791), we have seen change, struggle, and reform. Places such as Philippines (1986), South Korea (1988), Russia (1991), and Serbia (2000) have all fought for and earned their democratic freedom. Now places like Egypt, Tunisia, and Algeria all fighting for the same rights.

That in itself is amazing in my eyes,. In the 60's-90's though most of us didnt get to see it... the world was making huge changes with the urging or the U.S. Now, The world is again making changes, yet not with the coaxing of the U.S., rather the will to expect better of their leaders. I look at their actions and almost envy their will to go beyond the expectations of their age and limitations. They put themselves in a path to expect violence, yet choose to not take aim with a weapon but with their voices. In a day and age where it is easier to get a group of people to carry guns, its beautiful to see a group of people get together to carry a message. All battles are not meant to be won, but thats doesnt mean its not meant to be fought. Call me pessimistic but I don't forsee another major movement in the U.S. like so many of us were able to be apart of in 2008. When Obama was elected, for myself, it was not a moment to celebrate a, "Black President", rather the nation coming together to say, "We want better!".

Today, more than ever before, we have a better access of what our gov't did, does, and will be doing. Sadly we are probably less in-touch with this aspect as we are to which celeb got caught with drugs, guns, or nude this week. Even in writing this most people will not think twice after they switch to their facetwitspace. In a time where we can see a little more clearly what our, "Representitives", are doing with our tax money and our vote, we choose to overlook it because, for some strange reason, it doesnt affect us. During the duration of the Bush presidency the economy began to plummet, with Obama it was a rescue mission (which has yet to be finished), yet with the next election will the numbers be the same as 08'?

Three hundred years ago the Americas claimed freedom, almost two hundred years later everyone was considered equal. I've heard many times that Americans have become complacent because we have nothing else to fight for. Even worse, the young black generation is even more complacent with the same thought. We may not have the next major revolution on our hands but we (Americans) do still have thing to fight for. Health benefits, Job opportunities, Reasonable pay, Affordable living, Reasonable schooling costs(tuition), Available transportation... we have reason to not be complacent... question is: When will we have the drive?

Maybe It's You

So I had this thought a while back: Have you ever wondered why you can’t find the right man? Maybe because you aren’t the right woman… but there is that possibility that you are looking for the wrong thing…


We all have up and downs but let’s get serious. I really hate how the ladies are coming to the conclusion that they can’t find a good man out there. Do you even have a realistic idea of what a good man is? I hate to add to your negativity but maybe, just maybe you aren’t as good a woman as you think you are. Common sense should begin to kick in eventually. If you are always with the wrong man then something obviously is wrong with you (Common sense isn’t so common anymore I see). Maybe you aren’t making the best decisions in life.

Let’s look at it as if you are taking a test…. If you get your test back and you received an F you obviously didn’t know the right answers. A good student sees where they messed up, learns from that mistake, and begins to practice better study habits so they won’t fail again. However, when it comes to relationships we attempt to place restrictions rather than improve. So in theory we are holding ourselves back. Basically we are saying “Every time I marked A I got the answer wrong so I won’t mark A on any more of my test.” This sounds really stupid and that is exactly what we do. Say a football player didn’t take the relationship or you seriously, now you are done with all football players but you still didn’t learn anything from the situation and still find yourself with dudes you shouldn’t be with.

In my experiences every time a female says there aren’t any good men around she is completely overlooking all the guys around her. She isn’t really looking for a good man at all. I actually think that these females enjoy disappointments in their life. There are people who thrive off disappointments in their lives; they enjoy that feeling.

How are you going to complain about there being no good men or good men are hard to find when you spend the vast majority of your time overlooking them? I even go as far as to ask, do you even know what a good man is?

I can’t stand to hear some female (or dude for that fact) talk about how they are the baddest in town… no good man (or woman) wants to hear that. No one wants to talk to someone with an over inflated ego, it just makes you look dumb when it’s all said and done. Nobody likes cockiness and no that isn’t confidence, because you are as shallow as they come. Then your next sentence is about you not needing a man (or woman) and about how you got this and that, but that itch of loneliness is hard to scratch isn’t it? So you hit the clubs and the hot spots in your best outfit looking for attention. You can’t deny that you don’t because you really do. You are not even dressing for yourself. You are dressing for the attention that you crave so much, and when you don’t get your desired attention you begin to spiral. You go and make up these excuses as to why you don’t get noticed and this and that. Maybe it’s because you are not about anything. I mean look where you are trying to get attention… the club? Its dark, loud, smells terrible and people already have a certain mindset once they get there. Do you know how disappointing it is to start talking to a female you are physically attracted to, only to find out that she isn’t worth more than a one night stand or a more than a simple greeting? Very sad. So imagine constantly getting that… Everything after “hello” goes completely down hill; your expectations begin to lower. You no longer search for that in that form of environment or type of person. Ladies please don’t’ think for a second that you are the only sex losing faith in finding the right one.

I also don’t like how guys want to guard themselves from being vulnerable… being vulnerable can be a good thing…


My other favorite thing to hear is when you tell a girl to stop being bitter cause she is lonely and guarded and she responds by saying she is not bitter she is just tired of no good dudes and that she is focusing on herself…. Yet she doesn’t make any lasting improvements. The only thing she has done is take time to get “ol’ buddy” out of her mind. She still fails to truly evaluate herself. So when she steps back in the game she has the same tired failing game plan, and wonders why she keeps losing. So now she wants to be a player so she won’t get played anymore, but instead of getting back at the dude that played her by, moving on with her life. She decides to lower herself and play dudes that actually care about her. Now her worth is lowered, by her own hand. So sure she may have won some games but she had another losing season. We all take heavy hits but a lot of us choose to stay down or quit the game entirely.

The other thing I like to read is when a female post that a dude missed out on a “good” woman and she’ll find another one that can appreciate her…. Did your shallow friends tell you that? Why do you feel the need to announce this to the world so that you can get all these other insecure people to verify that yes, you can replace him…. But they never tell you that you need to work on yourself… did it ever occur to you that maybe you were dismissed? Maybe you aren’t worth it. Maybe you just don’t stack up to his potential…. That can’t be true because guys don’t have standards when it comes to females right? We snatch up the first thing that comes round…. (That mentality is probably why you by yourself). Haven’t met his family? Maybe your potential isn’t worth investing in. Short tempered and bitter? Who wants that?

By the time you get a good dude you don’t know what to do with him, so he can’t deal with you.

I just wanted to ruffle some feathers. The fact of the matter is, we have to truly evaluate ourselves and take time to understand what we are really looking for and stop confusing our want for companionship and affection with lust and other failures. Let’s make sense in some of the things we do. Let’s stop craving for more attention when we can’t even handle the little attention that we already receive….

Artistic Passion... All Me! (pt. II)

Part II check em out, hope you like, enjoy! Artistic Passion... All Me!

Good Love

I want that happy to hear voice kinda good love that i can't sleep all the way thru the night without you kinda good love that quick to cook you any dinner kinda good love that "i'll get at you later dawg" kinda good love that leave work quick for a kiss kinda good love that only wantin to see you kinda good love that cut off the alarm just to stay with you kinda good love that give up a kidney just to be apart of you kinda good love that wake up smilin cuz im next to you kinda good love that call you just to know you care kinda good love that text me and i'll text you back kinda good love that change my status cuz i know you'll read it kinda good love that hide your bag so you cant go to work kinda good love that "go ahead chill wit ya girls" kinda good love that "i love you more... no i love you more" kinda good love that stay up all nite makin love kinda good love that "i'ma get the last word" kinda good love that make you a gift just because kinda good love that take you to meet my moms kinda good love that "i cant get enough of..." kinda good love that "lets take a trip outta town" kinda good love that "here's some money go have fun" kinda good love that "baby let me massage you" kinda good love that "today is your day" kinda good love that "come out with me" kinda good love that "you are my prototype" kinda good love that "he went to see Jared" kinda good love that for you money aint a thang kinda good love that ima stay home cuz she sick kinda good love that anywhere you are is where im tryin to be kinda good love that 2Pac - Smile For Me kinda good love that "girl u know i-i-i-i-i love you" kinda good love that i cant see me being happy without you kinda good love that together we make musical master pieces kinda good love that it dont get no better kinda good love that its so simple we get lost in each other kinda good love that i cant remember when it wasnt good kinda good love that it cant be this good kinda good love that ”what you know bout Skee-Lo” kinda good love that "naaaah you listen to that too?" kinda good love that made me forget cause i saw you kinda good love that lets just watch movies tonite kinda good love that fallin asleep in each others arms kinda good love that i didn't know what love was kinda good love that you make this love more than good kinda good love now thats my kinda good kinda good love haha

Beau-t-full

I prayed just to see her Dark rooms would brighten with her smile her eyes Beauty enough to make a grown man cry but I wipe away my tears God must have been on my side because im blind at the sight of her I hoped to smell the sweetness of her The newest bloom after the first rain of spring had not grasp of it A fresh cut honeydew would smell sour when compared I got what I wanted when I overdosed from the scent of her I fiended for her touch till I touched her Because when denied so many times my pride ached But the spirit in me wouldn’t allow me to break And once I had I couldn’t get enough of her I begged for a kiss till I kissed her Crazy when I thought I never would I was given more Not sex but a kiss on the cheek that sparked something like never before So when contact was made I was in deep deep bliss with her I needed the love from her At a time when I thought the word was no more than a joke The meaning was reinstated quicker than the light each night with a click Like a drug she has me addicted till I get the love of…. Her

L... Word

The day I saw you was the day something changed Because for the first time in a long time I smiled Now I can’t see whether it was your eyes peering into my soul Or your smile kissing my eyes with beauty Perhaps it was that sweet smell that graced my nose Maybe even the way you touched my arm so slightly as we passed But I knew then what I never thought I would… I look at u and smile because i know what i want, I want to be happy and I want you to make that a reality I feel something more than I’m used to feeling Or am I just creating this to please myself No because I haven’t felt this before this is new Maybe I’m over thinking what I feel and should just let it happen But why does it feel like it’s stalling… My Mind is playing tricks on me And my heart is playing tricks on you Believe me I want to say it… I feel like I should say it… But I just can’t say it... To you Everything is telling me that this is right But I can’t help but hold back the… You said it to me and I know you meant it I feel it in your voice it’s true it’s real I thought my heart had healed I thought I was better Yet still here I am frozen like ice It’s hard to breathe because inside I’m so cold I want to be happy I think I want you But I’m not happy with me yet… I’m in love with your loving but unable to love the lover At least not until I find love for me…

She Loves

She loves that feeling when I touch her, her body shakes n shivers And when I lick my lips that chill down her spine makes her lips quiver Or just the thought that when it happens she knows I will deliver And after every word I brush back her hair and lean in to kiss her She loves that feeling when we're alone and I hold her tight And the thoughts running thru her head that she can be here all night The stress eases and the pain fades cuz now everything is alright Never wonder about wandering eyes cuz she’s the only one in my sight She loves the feeling when I say I love her she wants to scream And the things I do only for her jus makes her cream Or that her friends hate cuz I can’t possibly be what I seem Maybe because she knows she’s the only one I want on my team She loves the feeling that I have no reason to lie And every time we're together it’s a natural high Like John Legend our feet stay scraping the sky Plus knowing I’m the only man that won’t make her cry She loves the feeling that this is possibly the best that love can be And knowing that if she runs I’ll chase her when she flees And knowing everyday she can call and I’ll be there if she needs She loves the feeling of being loved.... but does she love me?

Are you done yet?!

Another night of doing the same old boring thing. You know by look in his eye what is about to go down. So you already know play by play what the night (in some cases few minutes lol) entails. Play one: He grabs your butt. CHECK Play two: He kisses your ear. CHECK Play three: He tell you he is going to beat it down (you already know his three pumps aren't worth your time) CHECK Four plays later, you are left bored, moaning out of habit and thinking to yourself "DAMN! Are you done yet?!?"

How do so many of us men and women get to this point? I think there is no specific one answer but I will give you some insight on how to prevent it and how to bring that spark back into your relationship. Don't bring sex into the relationship too early! I know it sounds old fashioned and cliche but it is so true in many cases. I know sometimes the passion can be so deep that you can't even wait past the first night. lol But this can really kill a long term relationship. You pull out all your best trick from your freak'um bag ranging from doing the Passion Propeller1, the Lusty Leg Lift2 and even the Dirty Sanchez3(OH MY!) in the first month of dating. By the time month 6 rolls around, your sexual repertoire is mundane to say the least. If she is worth it, she is worth the wait. Don't hype your partner up into thinking you are some type sexual Mandingo Warrior! Hyping yourself up too much can BACKFIRE quickly! Don't tell her that you can work it so good that you will make her weave fall off when in actuality you don't even know where to put it or your bust as soon as you see some bare tid-days(titties). First impressions are lasting impressions! So, make sure that you can cash any check that you write when it comes to your "abilities". Don't think all partners are the same and like the same things. I think this is a very important lesson that should be learned. Just as in life, it is easy to do things out of habit and comfortableness. There is a high probability if we go into the bedroom with these same tactics one person will be left unsatisfied and disappointed. Just because Ashley liked it from the back and to pull her hair does not mean Jessica likes it the same way. Hell, she might jack you up for even TOUCHING her hair (mainly applied to black women lol) This leads me to my next point. Take the time to learn what your partner likes and dislikes. As I said before, every woman is different. The sooner you realize this the sooner you will be one step closer to understanding the femal psyche4. I know that the most male brains are focused on one main goal BUT take the time to explore her body. It is easy to determine if a woman like what you are doing to her. If you are kissing down her back and she tenses up or you are not getting any verbal ques, OBVIOUSLY she does not like that. You will really know a woman is satisfied if she pulls you in closer or she returns the favor in the same mannor with out you asking. ;^) Learn how to give oral sex the right way. I dont know where else to bring up the topic. So I guess I'll slide it in (no pun intended lol) here. If this is a part of your relationship, learn the proper way to do it! I know i said that every one like differnt things BUT there are some things that you should NEVER do. If you are giving this to a man ladies, do NOT and i repeat DO NOT use your teeth! That ish hurts them! There is no tootsie roll or bubble gum in the center. So, there is no need to knaw on it. Also ladies, I know some of you have a weird fantasy of putting your finger or dildo in a mans butt. If he allows you to do this, he is NOT a straight man. This is offensive and disrespectly to expect your man to allow you to do this. Now on to you men, teeth on the clit=no, no, no! Think of the clit as the tip of your penis. It is very sensitive. Be delicate and gradually work up to more intsense strokes. I read somewhere that if you are unsure on how to perfor oral sex on a lady, spell out the alphabet with your tounge while doing it. I will take that a step further and say cursive letters ;) Understand that is is not always about you. This may not be the case most of the time because females are usually selfish in the bedroom from what I hear from my friends. But, you must be willing to satisfy her sexual needs before you are "finished". Many times, to set the mood, you can tease her in order to get her worked up enough that she is willing to do just about anything to your body. Kiss her in her most desired spots, rub her in the right places, and in between the two just put the tip in. I promise you, she will be begging you for more! She may even flip you over and take it from you! ;) It does not always have to be a marathon! Espcially at two in the morning when we have to work the next day. You may be suprised to hear this but we like quickies too! Just as men don't like slow passionate sex ALL the time, women don't like marathon sex all the time either. Some men LOVE to brag about how long they are last but that is not alway appealing to us. Women aren't faucets. The juices will stop flowing at some point. No woman likes a raw, swollen, and beat up vag in the morning. You may find this shocking but we don't want to be walking funny the next day either! No one wants to get those stares of "what does she have baking down there" No cute fellas, not cute. Be willing to try new things. I think this is the MOST important piece of advice that i can give! You can have all the right moves and say all the right things. But, if you have been doing and saying these things to same person since '98 it is tired and old by now. Maybe you have always done it in the bed room. Maybe try it on the kitchen counter (make sure you wipe it down afterwards though. no one wants ass juice on their food the next meal), or go to a movie in the middle of the day that you know there is a high chance no one will be in (like No Strings Attached. you know there won't be ANYBODY watch that garbage) and do a little foreplay action and finish up the activities at home. Maybe even watch a porno (tons a free sites out there. Nobody buys them for $39.99 anymore) together and act out what's on the screen. My point is, just be willing to do things differently sometime. Be willing to explore. Sex needs to grow as long as the relationship grows. You have to switch it up and spice it up every so often so that you are in one of those "Damn! Are you done yet?!" situations.

Signed,

JustCallMeKei

Notes 1 Passion Propeller: Your man lies on top of you, entering you in traditional missionary style, but then — yowza! — he starts doing a 360-degree spin, all the while keeping his penis deep inside of you. As he's rotating and thrusting, help guide him around your body like a propeller would spin around the top of a helicopter. Make sure to lift his legs when they swing around over your head. 2 Lusty Leg Lift: Face your partner, standing with your legs shoulder width apart. Take your left foot and turn it out to the side while keeping your right one facing forward. Have him widen his stance, with his legs about three feet apart, and then ask him to bend his knees ever-so-slightly. Wrap your arms around his neck and have him put his arms snugly around your lower back. Here’s where it gets a little tricky: Pull your right leg up and place your right foot on his left shoulder, keeping your right knee bent. As he slowly enters you, ease into the vertical split by sliding your calf as far up his left shoulder as you comfortably can. 3 Dirty Sanchez: When you have anal sex and then wipe the crap on your partner's upper lip giving them a Hitler.

4 You will NEVER EVER dissect the female thought process entirely! Hell, we don't even know what we want most of the time.

No Sex: My Reevaluation of Relationships Part 2

Let's continue from where I left off in Part 1
http://ghidorah3.blogspot.com/2011/02/no-sex-my-reevaluation-of-relationships.html

Lust should never be mistaken for love, but it is everyday. We choose our wants over our needs. Love doesn’t leave anyone hurt, angry and confused when it’s all said and done. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my ex can’t talk to me. To have my ex avoiding me at every turn. How sad is that to be the person always trying to hide and avoid the other person because you feel hurt, and you can’t let it go? As a couple you spend a couple of months or a couple of years telling and showing people how much in love you are. You meet each other’s families, tell each other your most intimate secrets only to never talk again…. And that feeling mostly comes from confusion. We confuse lust and love only to feel emotionally betrayed by the other person, but most of the time we set ourselves up. At the end of the day, it’s on us. We made the poor decision that left us the way we are. I don’t want that. I don’t want to have regret over my past relationships (yes that is regret when you are putting effort into avoiding your ex, don’t fool yourself). I want to build and create relationships out of love and understanding; those relationships grow into life long friendships and partnerships, even if the romantic relationship comes to an end. I don’t like the fact that someone I confided in is no longer a friend, just because we ended a romantic relationship. It apparently wasn’t meant to be a sexually romantic relationship. Some times we grow apart but we turn that growth into regression with our ill will. I also don’t’ want to feel like my relationship with my wife is a burden. Who keeps friends around that are constant burdens? No one, so why should your spouse/girlfriend be any different, they live with you and share every aspect of your life… let's make sense people. I want me and my wife to be on the same page and 7 hours a week is not going to get us there. So I made the decision to focus my attention on what really matters. My initial reason to refrain from sex was because I was tired. I wanted to eliminate the confusion that comes with sex. I was/am tired of the rat race to chase skirts. I have no desire to “hook up” it serves me no purpose toward my overall dream and goal to having a loving family.

Hooking up doesn’t seem respectful to me either. I’m using you to give me what I want and it just makes me feel bad at the end of the day. Then, what’s the point if I never want to call you other than to have sex? What’s the point if I never want to introduce you to my friends and family? Why have “friends” that you purposely keep in the shadows? I know there are exceptions; at least people think there are. There are people who make platonic relationships work, but why always fight against the rule just so you can justify the exception? Friends with benefits don’t last. I don’t care how much communication you two have it just isn’t meant to be something long term, so justifying it is pointless. The whole point of forming the verbal contract is to avoid putting effort into going out and engaging in meaningless hook-ups. So now you have found a “way out” with someone who shares the same idea, but someone is eventually going to catch feelings and get hurt because the other person doesn’t share those same feelings. It’s all cool when you are using each other, you both are getting what you both want without the fear of being in a real relationship, where you have to care about the other person…. But like I said in Wants vs. Needs, you are ALWAYS going to want more. In that situation you wanting more is justifiable, why wouldn’t it be? Nobody wants to stay the same. Every day we are striving to be better than we are today, so why be in a “relationship” (or I guess a contract) that goes nowhere? Eventually someone is going to want it to go further or move on to something better. The confusion and hurt occurs when the two aren’t on the same page….. Come to think of it… one person wants to further the relationship and the other wants to move on…. That's very similar most relationship break-ups. I’m just saying.

 Liquid Spirits ft. Phonte - If You Don't Love Me by EVO85 

I have constantly asked this question throughout the years, why do friendships last longer than romantic relationships? They are both relationships right, both include love, understanding, trust, etc. I use to think sex was the difference, but we make sex the difference. We claim that we can’t have sex with our opposite sex friends because it will ruin the relationship… hold up… why do we say this? So you mean to tell me that WE KNOW that sex ruins relationships? So WHY do we turn around and have sex with a “stranger” and claim that we are in love??? Sense made to me… none. We are some very confusing creatures and all of it is because we operate off our wants. We are too small minded. Even when it comes to getting in a relationship, we only care about what WE want over someone that actually cares and respects us. That’s some funny stuff. We know what makes a relationship fall apart and work, yet we fail to get past our own selfishness. I don’t want to question myself so much when it comes to relationships. I’m tired of questioning my relationships; I want to know that it feels right and not try to convince myself that it feels right. I want to develop a friendship that isn’t tainted by the effects of sex or confusion. I’m not trying to base my decisions off lustful desires or sexual satisfaction/dissatisfaction. I feel like if I love you and the sex is bad, then I (or you) can learn to be better. That’s the point of being in love, understanding and growing together, making each other better. You have to WANT to be and do better though, and when it comes to a relationship you have to look beyond yourself to do so. Not saying that you have to deny yourself pleasure or satisfaction, just don’t put that completely over the other person.

I think people spend too much time putting emphasis on pleasure and sex. Everything that feels or looks good isn’t always good for you. Instant gratification never got any one anywhere worth truly being either. So I decided to do something about it. It hasn’t been that easy either, deprogramming yourself isn’t easy or fun, but I believe that it will take me to the places I want to be. It really is an interesting thing to look beyond what I want. It’s nice being able to see more than I was able to see before.

No Sex: My Reevaluation of Relationships Part 1

In 2009, I decided to make certain “sacrifices” in my life. Toward the end of the year I decided to “give up sex”. By the time the New Year came around I decided to abstain from sex in 2010. To make things perfectly clear, I am not a sex addict of some sort. Sex has never been anything that I’ve struggled with. It was just something I decided to do. I initially made the decision to do it because I was tired, but as the days, weeks and months went by I gained new purpose and understanding to what I decided to do.

I’ve endured my fair share of jokes about not getting any, but I don’t care. People are always going to have jokes, but I want more from my life and my relationships. SO here I am explaining it. Thought I’d share some of my revelations (some of which I’ve already known, but am trying to apply). SO please keep in mind that what I’m writing is all my opinion, this is what I feel at the current moment and is due to change, provided more evidence changes my viewpoints.

To me sex has been overly hyped and just like everything else, when taken out of context can be inappropriate and lead to confusion. (If you haven’t read Gevar’s post please read it  http://ghidorah3.blogspot.com/2011/02/sex-smorgasbord.html). Sex is everywhere; it’s basically a constant thought in our minds. From church to the clubs, and I’m a little tired of it. Every time I go out I seem to see the same thing. Females showing more skin or curves (and rolls and bumps) for attention, YET they don’t want to be bothered. Jrome (one of the creators) brought up a good point a while back, females dress for each other when they go out, they don’t dress for the attention of guys, they dress to compete with each other… but that’s another topic that he can talk about. My point is men are not the only ones that use sex for their own gains or think about it all the time. I just got tired of it, so I started to evaluate my thought process and relationships. In order to move forward with some things you have to glance back. So I had to look back on my past relationships, experiences and even on other people’s situations. To me sex was/is an act of love. It’s the closest you can physically get to someone. Sex is a fusion that should be reserved for two people who love, care and respect each other. Basically, sex should be reserved for married people ( in the grand scheme of things, but of course the institution of marriage has been taking some heavy hits for the people that don’t respect it, care for it or understand it). Let me rephrase that (we live in messed up times), Sex should be reserved for two people who are under a marriage contract and it should be performed with the two people under the said contract with each other.

The reason sex complicates things is because in certain situations it is inappropriate. It gives an illusion of feeling when there really wasn’t any to begin with, not the feeling that you were hoping for at least. Women claim that men know how to “detach” themselves from sex; the truth is we never had feelings in the first place. There was no attachment to begin with. You can’t honestly tell me that you “love” a dude after the short period of time it took for him to meet you, get your number, “play the game” and then you two have sex…. If women give sex to get love and men give love to get sex, then we are all misguided. However, according to this statement men have the better idea than women do because love comes before sex. So, according to the statement, this is the reason why women have so many relationship failures, you are giving the want before the need…This can all lead back to my post  http://ghidorah3.blogspot.com/2011/01/needs-vs-wants.html, we need companionship (love) but we want sex, then we confuse the two. Every sex act has a degree of emotion and affection associated with it. Is sex love? No it’s not. Sex is an act of love. Giving and receiving at a more filthy yet compassionate level. Love can exist without sex and therefore sex can exist without love. What many people (stereotypically women) fail to realize is that sex is an action, and every action has a motive. The motive may or may not include your best interest. Someone having sex with you doesn’t mean that they love you; they may just enjoy sex without caring anything about you.

I’ve seen too many relationships fail because sex was incorporated too early or given more importance than the relationship itself. It makes no sense why sex is so important in a relationship. Why should sex be a means to begin, stay in or end a relationship? Let’s look at this from a logical viewpoint. I’ll give sex an hour out of the day. There are 7 days in a week. So, there are 168 hours in a week and if you have sex every single day, that’s 7 hours a week devoted to sex. You still have 161 hours left to put up with each other (now for the technically picky people, I know that your week is full of activities that take up the remainder of the 161 hours, but let’s just say none of us have jobs or anything else to do). If you find that the only things you enjoy in your relationship are those 7 hours, then something is wrong with you. You are telling me that 7 hours or pleasure are enough to put up with 161 hours of confusion, drama and misery? Give me 161 hours of happiness, understanding and love any time. Those 161 hours are way more important to me than 7 hours of deceit. I don’t ever want to lose sight of real love again. I don’t want to fool myself into making something work when I know that it was never meant to be what it is.

Check out part 2
http://ghidorah3.blogspot.com/2011/02/no-sex-my-reevaluation-of-relationships_02.html