Oh, He's Just A Friend.

Over the years I would wonder why we don't try to date our opposite sex friends. Just seemed like a common practice that was acceptable to me. Date someone that you have an interest in and you both share similar interest and have an understanding of one another.
It was just a thought though. So I left it alone until the past weekend.



This past weekend, Season 2 finale, of the Office, got to me a little. No, I wasn't laying in the bed pouring my emotion in some tissue. I just kind of had this feeling come on me.

For those who don't watch the Office (shame on you and your soul), there are two characters named Jim and Pam. They start off as really good friends and you can tell that they are attracted to each other but Pam is engaged (for about 3 years). Anyway Jim can't take it anymore and tells her how he feels. I'm leaving it at that. Go watch the show and put some pleasure in the form of laughter in your life.

The heavy feeling I got, from watching the show, was because it took me back to when I had friends that I found attractive and the only reason I became their friend was because I found interest in them.



I use to actually try to get to know a woman before I wanted to date her. All my logic just made it seem logical. It really makes sense, but apparently only to me.
Do you know how hard it is to be attracted to a friend? You don't want to destroy the friendship by making an advance but you aren't satisfied with the way things currently are. The worst part is when they actually choose to be with someone else, and never considered you an option. That hurts. But being the good friend you are, you just smile and wait. Always trying to be there for support, and at the same time slowly fading away. Makes you feel heavy. Makes you worthless in a sense... Only cause you aren't good enough to be chosen, even thought they'll tell you that that's not it.



As you can tell I've been through a number of these and it's not a great feeling. Especially when they are done wrong and still overlook you, the person who is always there for them. It really makes no sense to me. At the same time, i would be a fool to sit there and wait on you to make mistake after mistake after mistake in your life. To let my life waste away with yours. At least you have moments of satisfaction (sorry about that, my jadedness came out). It really does make you wonder though. Especially when you hear females say that they hope their husband becomes their best friend.



Maybe I'm the one that's doesn't really understand anything anymore. I'm crazy for thinking that a married couple should know more about each other than their friends. Maybe I'm the backwards one.

Do you know how dumb this actually sounds? You hope your husband becomes your best friend rather than you actually marrying your best friend. I don't really understand this concept at all.

I heard a girl say that she would never tell her boyfriend secrets and things about her until they got married....

Why wait until you get married to be honest? And then act confused when you dump all your crazy on a dude and then get mad cause he is acting "unfamiliar." Seems to me like you are the unfamiliar one in the relationship.



I seriously thought the idea of building a relationships was to get to know one another so that you can form a decision whether to end the relationship, remain just friends or move on to the next phase.

Why do we dismiss our friends as potential lovers? Why do we make them the last choice and not the first one?

Maybe its because if we have sex with our friend then it would ruin the relationship.... Then again why is the issue of sex one of your top reasons for eliminating your friend as a good mate? That shouldn't even be an issue. Especially if that person is always there for you when you need them to be. That's what should truly matter in my opinion.
Personally I would rather be with someone I trust and know than someone I barely even know.





We take unnecessary risk, in my opinion. Always looking for the unknown, the "exciting and new" than the familiar and true. I also don't think dating your friend can ruin the friendship, that is if you go about the romantic relationship the right way. Just because you date doesn't mean that you can't be friends. You can't be friends probably cause one or both of you lacks maturity or their could be other issues.

Who knows. I'm just throwing it up in the air for people to think about

Has BET fallen off... Or are we just gettin OLD?!

Jrome:

To answer my own question... NAAAAAHHHHH

I know i aint that old... but then again.......... well lets see whats changed?

Still play music videos? yea, only not the 6-16hrs it used to be.... still got up to date news? yea, only when its breaking news or sumbody just died.... still got relevant music playing? yea,........ wait.... nah, fuck dat, when music can be "too intelligent"(shouts out to Little Brother) for the audience you have failed at LIFE... are the hosts entertaining? ok i gotta say AJ wasnt the "coolest" host but 106th n park NOW?! on that "Shawt Bus Shawty" swag(<---i hate that word but... its relevant right now).

To take one from the late MJ "do you remember the time..." when you fell in love with all BET had to offer... even the news show if you didnt watch it... BET was the MOST relevant black network on TV hands down... if there was something going on and you didnt know how you felt, if you could read between the lissssssssssssssp of Tavis Smiley you were GOOD. If there was a hot new up and coming artist rock with Tigga (my niiiiiggaaaaa) in the Basement. wanna see a fine n natural chick check out FREE on 106th..... o yea forgot her sidekick AJ....... but on to bigger and better names. I can remeber when i got my 1st taste of Kast via the Basement, i was on em before then but to see them ackin a fool was great... i remember when Roc-A-Fella came through to announce Beanie being part of the crew and that began a HUGE NY movement... or how bout when the RUFF RYYYYYYDAAAAAZ came thru you just knew X was gonna kill tha mic... you got introduced to new videos as well as old all in the same 1-2hr and it was perfect... remember Cita the digital VJ... nigga WHAT!?! cant tell me you aint love watchin that BOOTLEG animation intro the hottest of the week, month, year, and past... the tributes that station put on after the deaths of Pac, Biggie, Left Eye, Aaliyah and more... o and i cant forget............... the one show that got dudes in trouble and introduced some to the true fakeness of the female body......... UNCUT VIDEOS!!! that was the one thing you would watch and hear music u aint not never(yea i said it) heard in LIFE... and you got to see a booty shake like never before... you know PRE-SKRIP CLUB age lol.....

With all that said the thing i remember most is the balance... got to hear sum crunk wit lil john and the cash money movement, yet got to hear some street intelligence with mos def and common, intro'd me to the crack game viz Jay-Z, and kept me Gangsta and throwin up WEEESTSIIIIIIIIIIIDE with Ice Cube, Mack 10 and WC, kept it funky with krazy joints from the Dungeon Family(OutKast, Goodie MoB, and many more) and kept it soulful with Dru Hill, Boys II Men, Jodice, and SOOOOOOO many more, gave the women a voice with Queen La, Lil Kim, Foxy B, Charlie Baltimore and the "youn know nann" trina... i just miss the Good about ya but i guess every dog has its day.... unfortunately its Waka Flocka Lame..... sigh..... i jus want the one who made me fall in love wit music


GB:

Call me an oldhead if you want, I'll take that. But BET has fallen off AND we're getting old. I remember being about 8 and my cousin asking me if I had seen this new station that was catered to just "us" and apparently had just been added to Charter's lineup. lol...It was channel 84 I think at the time. I turned to it immediately and saw (I think it was ) "Slam" by Onyx.



"B-B-B-BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE!!!!!" ......Still gets me hype til this day lol

I remember days when I could spend my whole day watching BET and actually still feel good (if not better) about myself at the end of it all. There was something for everybody. Let's run through the lineup from back when it was more of a COMPLETE network:

• Video Soul - Played all the slow jams and R&B joints. With THE man as the host.....Donnie Simpson. Enough said.

• Caribbean Rhythms - straight reggae music. Hosted by one of my first crushes....the beautiful Rachel. 
• Teen Summit - I loved this show because it dealt mainly with issues that young black kids were facing which I could relate to being well........young and black.
• Rap City - My favorite show on the network. Everyday I was glued to the tv from 4:30-6:00. It's not even important to mention a host because honestly all of them were good. What I liked about Rap City was the balance it had. You could tell that the show was truly about hip hop and not about the latest trend or fad. They gave EVERYBODY shine.
• BET News.....most people turned their tv's off by the time this came on but I appreciated that they cared enough to not only entertain the viewers but also inform them. Plus Ed Gordon is the man.
• BET Jazz - Probably my 2nd favorite show on the network. It came on after BET News and I would stay up just for it....sometimes just so I could fall asleep to it. I loved jazz even before I loved hip hop so I was a huge fan of the show

These days, BET has reduced itself to Black Embarrassment TV.....it's terrible. They don't even show music anymore besides 106 and 70% of the time that is a joke. No shows to uplift and enlighten the people other than the specials that they have every now and then....for special occasions. I think the last program I actually looked forward to seeing on BET was "Hip Hop Vs. America". The network as a whole is dead to me ever since they sold out to keep up with the Jones'. I remember walking into my sister's room everyday and seeing this poster on her closet door and feeling proud to have a network that catered to me:

Those days are long gone though I suppose. Now the network is saturated with "reality" shows with no purpose, bad movies, and lame attempts to recapture the rapport that they once had. Everything runs its course and nothing lasts forever, but I'm glad I was able to experience the network in it's heyday.

R.I.P. BET

(1980 - 2000something)

FRIENDS... How Many Of Us Have Them...

Friends... The age old question... can men and women be "Just Friends?" and i dont mean friends with benefits or possibilities. Most women want this to be true, and most men pretend it cant be... or is it most women pretend it cant be and men think it can... hmm seeing that i have shared both friendships and "friendships" lol i like to think it can... in a mature environment that is. If you meet a girl/guy in an environment that is not suited for it i doubt you can keep it... lets just say professional lol.

The Club/Bar: Chances 1-5%

More than likely dont plan on them being that best friend... why you ask? simple... because you met them in a place with very low lighting, alcohol, and music that makes one notice PHYSICAL features above all else. The Club/Bar scene is meant for fun and interaction with people usually randoms. Not to say it isnt at all possible to meet someone worth while in the club but the chances are by far shortened when compared to most other places. Mainly because of the mindset people have when thinking of or attending these places. Is it possible never-the-less? Yes. All things are possibly possible, lol, and thats just truth. Too often we may see something we like then get something with it we didn't.

Examples:

• New Car - Very low gas mileage
• New Credit Card with high limit - and matching interest rates
• New Apt - 4 new bills... monthly

@ the Mall or out Shopping: Chances 10-25%

It can be a good place to meet someone... BUT, with any outing you have to assume that person is not alone. This day and age few females go shopping alone mainly because its not safe but they also dont want to be approached by every guy walking. Guys tend to avoid going out alone because well... most think it makes you look lame.... and well yea it can. Yet there are somethings that both sexes need to notice, accept, and avoid. Guys when you see a girl with the entire family... avoid that, y? because its somewhat disrespectful to their family outing. Ladies accpet the fact that if you dress a certain way you will have a certain approach you should expect, or the less clothes the more they are thinking "ima drill TO-nite". Guys, notice, when she is with her girls you just went from a 50% chance to probably 25% depending on how many friends are with her... the fewer the better the less bashing you will recieve on the walk over to holla. Ladies, notice, if you really want his attention... this is gona be a long shot but DAH WELL... try.... talkin to him 1st... i know, i know, you dont do that... but he will remember you reguardless.

Work: Chances 15-25%

Now im usually firmly against this. yet i know people who have and continue to make it work... literally. The work place can be the best and worst all at the sametime. Depends on the amount of trust each party has and if the limits are known. If there is a strong jealousy, it probably wont work because they will see you look/glance/stare at eye candy and you WILL catch hell. If you are given the ability to look you should know how long you can and what face you may be able to make (the "Ooooh Isht/DAAAAYUUUM/mmmhhmmm" face will get you dropped or hit...beware!). Minor problems in the relationship can cause MAJOR problems in the work place... especially if you're with somebody who doesn't know how to act (gets loud, cuss alot, and dont care who sees). Though it could be that consistant support and motivation to keep working and working hard.

Park/Zoo/Museum/Sporting Event: Chances 25-50%

Most anywhere else is a good place to meet someone because you may already have some insight into what they may or may not like. In ceratin settings some people are more open to whats around them and may be more open to the people around the due to the laid back setting. Yet it can be a place for utter failure... but with the other options its whats best. You may run into the family setting but im sure they would be more open to that situation than the typical HUNTING in the mall lol. basically the more inspirational or beautiful the setting the better the reception and attitude you will come across.

Before you go around looking for the next relationship just be aware of where you are looking. You wont look for good food in an alley. You wont look for a job in the hood. So why look for "the one" on the nearest street corner? Your choices can affect you future, and if you choose to look in the little places for a big gift dont be suprisd when it comes up short. But hey like i said "all things are possibly possible".

Love, Live, Life yall

Wait....Aren't We On The Same Team??

Happy Monday!!! I hope everyone has had a wonderful, restful, fun weekend and

ready to tackle the week. My weekend was pretty good....full of some interesting revelations. I'm winding down now with a Heineken and some instrumentals courtesy of iTunes and Youtube. Just wanna hear the music....words get in the way sometimes.

First off, if you haven't seen "The Social Network" yet, please go check it out when you get the opportunity. Brilliant movie. Definitely much more than I was expecting...and I was expecting quite a bit. It's worth that $10 $15 $25 $115.75....lol whatever movie theaters are charging in your area these days...

Something hit me mentally on Friday and was coincidentally one of the themes of "The Social Network" so I'd like to share it with the masses (or the few). Hopefully you can share your thoughts with me. I *try* not to advise too much on relationships unless someone asks my opinion or asks for advice because I'm a firm believer that people need to go through what they need to go through to get where they're going (wherever that may be). Plus...I'm no expert in that area. In any event, I'd like to speak on the infamous Power Struggle that exists in a lot of our relationships, romantic or otherwise.

I believe competition is positive for and nourishes our growth as individuals. We compete athletically, professionally, and even in our personal relationships. But at what point does it turn from healthy competition to a toxic struggle for power? I think the root cause of a major conflict in any relationship more often than not is motivated by a quest for power or dominance...whether it be blatant or subconscious. A lot of times, two people with strong personalities can bring out the best in one another. On the other hand, it can be exhausting to feel like you are in constant competition with your partner over who has more power in the relationship.

Are we partners or opponents?

Things start to spin out of control when we stop trying to objectively reach a solution and just focus on winning the argument. At that point, we stop listening to the other person and wait impatiently for our turn to speak....because our pride has just been tested. We HAVE to show our individuality and let the other person know that we refuse to be walked over. We have to stand firm on our beliefs and who we are (or who we think we are). We have to earn respect by any means. That mindset was embedded in us at an early age and is more or less our defense mechanism to the world. It is great to stand firm on what you believe in, but it's even greater to be able to accept when you are wrong and that you might need to reevaluate and work on yourself a little bit. It's a very tough thing to admit, but pride can dissolve any relationship and often turns into regret. Aim for happiness instead of aiming to win or be right. Don't be so rigid that you push everyone away. I sometimes have to ask myself is what I stand for worth losing a friend or family member over. Sometimes that answer is yes, but most times it has been no and I've had to take a step back and really check myself. We should all strive to put things into perspective and be "bigger picture" individuals rather than just individuals. The incessant need to prove yourself can earn you respect, but also leave you very lonely. Don't be so stubborn that you put yourself in a position where you have to realize something after the fact (aka "the hard way"), because most of the time "after the fact" is too late.

Get out of your own way.

We are all a product of our past...that is what shapes our ideals and beliefs, how we interact with other people, and how we handle conflict. Because of this, I think we spend more time defending ourselves in relationships rather than being more objective and compromising. We see compromise as giving up who we are, but who REALLY wants to stay the exact same way forever? If people can't change and grow, what is the purpose of existence? Learning, growing, and evolving mean that you have to make changes, and if you truly love your partner/family member/friend, who better to be a teacher? But how can you grow if every time you don't get your way, you retreat or show the other person the door? Don't use your love as a weapon and don't deny yourself growth because of fear or pride. It hurts to hold that mirror up to yourself, but it is essential for any progression to occur. Muscles must tear a little before they grow...

- GB