Cheating… I asked this question because people’s first reaction to being cheated on is to get angry and from that emotion nothing good actually happens. I never understood why women automatically resort to violence in the situation of being cheated on. Finding out that your spouse has been unfaithful is not something to shrug off either. It is a very serious issue, but I don’t believe for one second that it deserves to be met with violence. The two actions don’t add up. The crazy thing is that women support the violent reaction, like that’s ok. He cheated on you; caused you emotional harm, humiliation and shame, but he did not cause you physical harm. Then there is that “all men cheat” stereotype. Well apparently we aren’t all gay so if all men cheat all women help them cheat.
The main reason I asked this question last week was to see how forgiving some people are willing to be when it comes to marriage. I chose this question because most people will agree that cheating is crossing the line in any relationship. To most people it is an unforgivable act that is grounds to end that relationship. I just don’t believe that. I think when people cheat they instantly feel regret for their actions and for the most part are ashamed to confess to their actions when they first do it. I think the reason people continue to cheat is because they guilt themselves into doing it. They fail to forgive themselves and fear that their spouse is not willing to forgive them. In many cases they are right. Why are we not willing to forgive someone that is really seeking forgiveness? If we were in a situation where we felt regret and remorse then we would want forgiveness but then we’ll hang things over people’s head who wrong us.
I believe in forgiveness. When people get married they promised to love and cherish each other through thick and thin, sickness and health, for richer or poorer. We as people don’t make the best decisions in life either. We are tempted on a regular basis, and we don’t pass every temptation test. Every temptation comes with at least two options. Either give in or walk away. When you give in to your temptations you have a moment of weakness. Just because you gave in doesn’t mean you have to give up either. So cheating doesn’t necessarily mean that you are willing to walk away from that relationship, just means that you made a stupid decision, now you can forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness or hide in your own shame and continue to cheat.
I don’t believe that forgiving people is handing them a free pass for their actions either. You reap what you sow, and every action has its proper response. I just don’t think that just because someone cheats on you that you should necessarily end the relationship. Every one has a selfish moment in a relationship. You have to decide whether the relationship is larger than that moment of weakness. The question isn’t really about cheating its how invested are you in your relationship? Are you that sure that you want to be with your spouse that you are willing to stick it out with them and help them through their problems and weaknesses? Some people really aren’t that invested in their relationships. Some people look for even the smallest excuse to give up on people. When it comes to marriage it’s bigger than that, especially if children are in the picture. Maintaining a healthy relationship isn’t a cake walk and I can only imagine how challenging it is to raise children and maintain a relationship. I just know that you can’t be invested in only the things you want to do.
Again, I’m not giving cheaters a pass, because cheating is a very selfish act. You are in a committed relationship but you are only worried about what you want and how you feel at that moment. You aren’t even thinking about how your actions are going to affect your life and the life of your spouse, how they will view you, the example you are showing. But if you have cheated you have to be willing to forgive yourself and hope that your spouse loves you enough to forgive you and rebuild the relationship that you damaged. I just don’t see how people believe that they are over forgiving someone for the things they did. Who are you to deny someone forgiveness? I promise you that when you find yourself on the wrong side of a decision you’ll want forgiveness. I know I would want it.
Let’s look at the situations that Kobe Bryant and Tiger Woods found themselves in. Both incidents of them cheating went public. When Kobe did it every wanted his wife to divorce him and take all his money, why? Cause people are selfish and dumb. He asked his wife forgiveness and there hasn’t been another incident to this day that we know of. He is always talking about his family and shows how much he loves them everyday. Asked for forgiveness, was given forgiveness and everything is how it should be. Tiger on the other hand, had an affair with several different women and it blew up in his face. Both men were shameful for their actions but Tiger’s shame lead him down the wrong path. I don’t know if his ex wife forgave him or not, but her divorcing him was the right thing to do in my eyes because it was just too much. His infidelity was outrageous. You have to handle each situation differently. I’m sure Tiger loves his ex wife, but that was just messed up, and I think she made a sound decision.
I believe that no action is above redemption in my eyes. Every negative thing we do in life has a chance to be redeemed. I believe that redemption is possible for all who seek redemption and to make amends of the negative things they do in life. If these people are sincerely seeking redemption I believe we should support them. Meaning, that we need to be able to forgive people and not hang things over their head. So I don’t believe that once a cheater always a cheater - VP
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