You Know I Keep That White Girl... AYE!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH SNAP!!! I guess its about time to try n ruffle some feathers....... so what better topic than the infamous Interracial Dating topic... cause we all have feelings views and opinions or what is right/wrong/otherwise.... so let git it crackin!!!

I hear people on both sides of the fence say why they would/wouldn't date out of their race. I've heard parties make extremely valid points as why they (specificly) would/wouldn't. I've heard valid points of the struggle of relationships and the added struggle of an interracial relationship. There's the constant dirty looks, questions, and misconceptions of the relationship. There is even the battle with family and friends over the relationships. My question is and will always be, what is the cost of being happy?

You can look down on an interracial relationship because it's not how you were raised and it may not be something you completely understand. It could be the thought of, "how will my family see this?", "What will we have to endure around our friends?", "What trouble could this cause when we go out?", "If we have children how will it affect them?" Yet you can also see the light in the situation, "I really love this person!", "Our families support us reguardless.", "Our kids can benefit from learning both backgrounds.", "Who Cares what everyone else thinks aslong as we care for each other."

Too often we worry so much about what everyone else is doing we forget to ask, "are they happy?" I have been around interracial relationships since i was little, so my introduction was somewhat of a good one. Although, I had many people around me that weren't FOND of the idea yet, they accepted it because the couple was happy. My views on the topic are not solely from an outsider as well i have been in a relationship with someone out of my race. Yet, In a day and age when "race" is mainly decided by skin color who can really say that they are/aren't dating outside their race? If i trace down my ancestors im sure there may be a few "suprises" along the way but i know in general terms i am a "Mutt"(African, Caucasian, Native, French) lol. Honestly how many of you are MUTT? (do research i'll wait)......

I've had many male friends say, "man i wont every mess with a white girl!" Only to have a change of mind (days, weeks, months, years) later to come back and say, "man i dont know why i never did!" Not to say if you have never, "gone white you not doing right", but to say never limit your options. Its a big world with alot of people there is no reason to think the people within a 50 mile radius are the only ones that you can talk to. Sometime you have to venture out to find happiness. We say, "Sky's the limit", yet for some reason we tend to limit who we can/can't date who we will/won't marry because of race.

(Stepping off soap box for a min): I'm not trying to change your mind on who you will and won't date just trying to change your view of how you look at those who do... now...

(Stepping back up on soapbox): Let's get back to it...

I have seen many couples make it past the, "dating", phase and proud of my little sis who has and is still happily married and with a child. I think there is a major misconception that it is only dating or only rich/famous black men date interracially when it's so far beyond that. For decades there have been interracial marriages and relationships and you would think by now we would be alot more accepting of people finding happiness. Who are we to judge someone who has found happiness?

YET........ there are those who feel like, "i only date (_ given race and sex _)", that i can understand people looking at with the side eye not because they are wrong but they possibly have a prejudice of those they "won't" date. I don't mind someone saying they are only attracted to their race when thats all they know, but when you down your own race thats when I mind. I have known a few famles/males of all races that feel that their race of men/women is not... hmm.... "adequate" for them to date. Which makes me wonder if they themselves feel they are adequate or are they taking a step down to date outside their race? Not to say that they are stepping down but what is their feeling of their race of men/women? True you could have had some bad relationships with a certain race but that doesnt mean all will be bad. (STOP... thats another blog)

We have come too far on this journey for equality to stop ourselves from looking at people for who they are, as opposed to what they are. Sadly we still judge people for the same prejudices they had decades before our generations. They fought for equal rights and we fight because, "why he gotta be with that white bitch?" Today is a day of acceptance, if he/she is not with you because they are with someone out of their race be happy that they are happy. Not everything is meant to be and if its not then be happy for that other person and find your own happiness wether it be in or out of your race. Don't worry so much about everybody else's life and decisions when you can only affect and change your own.

Life is short find your happiness.

side note: i could go in SOO much harder but yall aint ready...

Mr. I'ma Get Sniped!

YOU HAVE BEEN DENIED!

Everyone has been rejected in their lifetime. It actually happens on a regular basis, whether we realize it or not. I know I experience rejection daily. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my proposals have been rejected. When I look back on some of my rejections I i tend to laugh at them, and many of them I am thankful for being rejected.

Rejection doesn't always have to be a negative thing. We just look at it in a negative way because no one likes to be denied anything. Even if it's something they didn't need to begin with. If you were given everything you ever asked for, how would that help you? Where is the benefit in that? What lesson will you ever learn? How would you ever grow? Thinking about it, to never be rejected would mean that you are perfect, and we all know that perfection doesn't exist in humanity.

Rejection CAN make us stronger. It allows us to see and assess our faults (or the direction which we have chosen to travel). People who handle rejection well basically learn from their faults become better people. However, I said "can" because the people who handle rejection poorly, tend to either completely shut down or ignore that they may have faults. Those are the people who point fingers at others or punish themselves too harshly.

Take a deeper look at yourself. The next time you get rejected, ask better questions so that you can make better decisions and move forward in life. Ask yourself if you really need to be in the situation you were (or currently) trying to place yourself in, whether it be a job, a relationship, or whatever. Rejection doesn't always have to be a negative thing (it just doesn't feel good). You have to maintain a positive outlook on your future, stop over analyzing your situation, and believe that things will work out for the best.

My dad sent me this message a couple of months ago: Disappointment happens to all of us. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. The Bible says that all things work for the good of those who love God and are called unto His purpose. So remember, the joy of the Lord is out strength. So there is no need to stay disappointed, God has promised it will all work to our benefit.

So keep your head up people.

The Wackness: Thinking Like A Man

... And stop worrying about trying to think like the opposite sex...

I have no idea where the idea "that in order to get a man you have to think like a man" came from. I hear females lay claim to having a male mentality or have the ability to think like a man at least once a week. Where did the statement, "I think like a man, so I know the game" come from? Why is it that only single, can't find a man, can't keep a man, borderline bitter females over use this statement?

How can you seriously believe that you can think like a man?

I know that the comedian, Steve Harvey, wrote a book entitled, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I'm not attacking the book right off. I also have not read the full content of the book, so you can ride my comments off as ignorance if you want. I just don't agree with the approach, from the title's perspective and the initial content of the book, which has to cater to the title. I have problems with books like this because the reader absorbs the advice and opinions of one person on how to approach and treat an entire sex and race as a whole. To me, the key to a relationship is to just get to know the other person. Really spend the time to try and get to know them. There is no timetable to adhere to or some trick to use when it comes to forming a relationship. Every one develops and grows at different paces and you just have to understand that. You thinking like a man is a waste of time, and it is not going to get you a man or allow you to understand all of us as a whole when it comes to relationships.

I personally feel like a woman will never be able to think like a man and we don't want you to, at least I don't.

I can't stand for a woman to make claims that she can thinks like a man. Every time a woman says something like this she turns around and does, says and believes something that a male mentality would most commonly not do, say or believe. Why claim that you have the mentality then at the same time be completely confused about the situations you place yourself into? In the confusion of these situations you start claiming that men are confusing. Did I miss something? I thought you thought like us? The reason you are confused is because you are confused about what you want in a man. In my observation, the only reason that a woman would claim to be able to think like a man is so that she doesn't get hurt again.

Yes, I said hurt again. I have seen and heard too many women claim male mentalities after they have gotten their feelings hurt in some relationship they were in or thought they were in. In their minds they believe that adapting a male mentality will help prevent them from feeling or being hurt again. The reality of the situation is that they shouldn't have been in that relationship to begin with.

One of the sad things about trying to adapt the mentality of a man is that you are hurting yourself on a couple of levels. Instead of having or developing a positive male mentality, they develop one based on how they feel they were treated by by the person who hurt them. It bothers me that women view men as these detached and emotionless beings, when that isn't the case at all. That mentality right there lets me know that these women have no idea what a real man is. That kind of upsets me. Men are just as emotional as women are; only we place our emotions in other things. Everyone in the world does this. No two women think exactly the same and no two men think exactly the same either. Everyone has a different idea of love, relationship, commitment, etc. and the best way to know how that person feels or thinks about these topics is to ask them straight up and form a real relationship with them. One based on understanding and truth and not games and lies.

On the other hand, what if a man walked around stating that he had the mindset of a woman? Most women would instantly reject him and his statements. They would one up with a. List of questions that would challenge and destroy his claims. I don't know one man that claims to think like a lady or wants to think like a woman. I know some that understand their spouse, but that's not the same thing as thinking like them. However, we all know that double standards don't apply to women if it's not in their favor.

Every time a female claims to have a male mentality, to me, it makes her look ignorant and a little desperate. It makes her look desperate cause she feels like she has to fit in somewhere. She desires some sort of attention and a little bit of justification. It makes her look ignorant, because the way she wishes to act is the way she views men. If you want to lay claim to having a male mentality, then what kind of mindset do you have? Do you want to think like a "dog" or a man? If you hold the mindset of a womanizing, emotionally detached, or commitment avoiding stereotypical man, then that's exactly what you are going to unwillingly (but willingly) be surrounded by. Common sense would imply that you develop the mentality of the man that you would like to be with, if you want to make these claims. I want to be with a certain type of woman, so I have to stay focused and maintain the mentality that is necessary going to attract this certain type of woman (in theory at least). I don't have to try to get over on people or force myself into accepting certain things to feel accepted and respected.

The reality of it all is that, you don't have to think like a man in order to get one. Real women realize that this "game of love" is not a game. There are no special ways to prevent you from getting hurt, used or whatever. Confidence in yourself attracts men. Good judgement and knowledge weeds out the good men from the bad ones. SO, make better decisions when it comes to relationships. Have a realistic idea of what a real man is. We are out there.

** I have not read either one of the books that I have displayed. I figure if you read one you should read the other.

Embrace Yourself

I really get irritated when I tell a girl that I like her or use to like her and she says something like "But why? I'm goofy. I'm weird."
Apparently I don't care about all that and I'm willing to accept you the way you are.

I do realize that people make an attempt at being modest with these statements, but they come off as rather annoying to me. Just say thank you. For one it's hard enough trying to tell someone that you like them, then you hear this insecure sounding line...

Moving on...

I respect and appreciate a person that can be themselves around me. That makes me feel comfortable to be myself. It allows me to open up and let that person in to what makes me me. You shouldn't be ashamed to be yourself and if you are surrounding yourself around people that make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, then maybe you need to find some new people who are willing to accept you for who you are.



I don't know where the tendency to "down" yourself comes from (I guess the media). You should just accept the compliment when someone finds you attractive. Some people make excuses as to why you shouldn't find them attractive (which makes you unattractive, and I don't think it looks modest) and other people have to inform you of the things that you missed about their attractiveness..... This is another failure to me. Don't point out things you think I've missed about you, you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I've found myself wanting to divert attention away from myself when I receive compliments. I do it for various reasons, but the easiest thing to do is say thank you. If I don't find them attractive I just appreciate their good taste in men and move on.

If you are attractive then that's what you are. I hate that females feel like they have to be dressed up and have their face caked up with make up and what not just to feel beautiful. Beauty really does come from the inside and we men can sense your insecurities. If a man finds you attractive in your lounge clothes then accept that. That's the real you. That's the you that you feel comfortable with when no one is around looking at you and judging you. If a man can find you beautiful at your ugliest moment then, I think you may have found someone worth hanging around with.

I never really understood women who prance around in tight short dresses and make-up and whatnot just so they can grasp unneeded attention. They seem like the most insecure people to me. I never understand that. Why do you feel you have to have this to feel wanted? You are already wanted by someone who appreciates you. Someone who understand the real you and not just have a piece of you.

What's the point of rejecting the people who want to care for you and when "boo season" hits then you are left posting "lonely tweets" and randomly express your loneliness.

**"boo season" is the season when all insecure females feel lonely and have the desire to cuddle and be with someone simply because the temperature has dropped and no one really wants to be lonely around Christmas time**



The funny thing about not really embracing yourself and not wanting to be with people who are willing to embrace you is that you stay lonely. It won't matter if you are in a relationship or not because the fact that you don't want to be you or embrace all of you still leaves you lonely. Won't matter if you are married with three kids and a house on the hill, you will never really be happy. People don't focus on the right things when they are single, men or women.

Guys, we are just as insecure as women are and we can be just as emotional when things go bad. We are all humans and we all are born with emotion. I don't care how hard you act, when a women rejects you, you feel vulnerable for a second and when you start dissing her because your feelings are hurt, guess what? Yep, that's exactly what you are. Just accept the fact that your approach was weak or that she didn't find you attractive and move on.
Put your energy in picking your self esteem off the floor and not toward dissing her

I don't understand why some guys find it hard to accept that we are emotional too. I just know that if you don't express your emotions the right way you may find yourself having a break down one night in the wrong setting

Eventually the real you comes out. So you might as well put in the real work to embrace it and let people know who you are, especially the people you care about. Life is too unpredictable and why wait until you are 30 to wonder why you can't keep or find a mate? Take your singleness into stride, focus on more than hooking up and what you don't have cause at the end of the day you will always have yourself. I'd rather have a positive outlook on myself then a negative one. So I'm going to love who I am and what I have.

Peace,
VP

Forgive Me.... Please???

We were all born with the gift of free choice. We can basically make any decision we want in life. It our freedom. Given that you have to make a decision implies that you have more than one choice to make. This in itself leaves room for error. Which means that we are all going to make a bad decision. Seeing that we don't purposely make bad decisions means that we make mistakes. So since everyone makes mistakes, no one is perfect. No one is over some one and no one is technically better than someone. At least to some extent or another. Now I know that we aren't all equal in morality and some people are not as morally conscious as others. I'm not talking about the evil people in the world. I'm talking about the "regular people" or morally stable people, if you will. Everyone slips up from time to time and the most common practice is to forgive them. Is anyone or any action above forgiveness? I don't think so. We may feel like we can't forgive people or their actions but why not? I actually think about "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." I know I make mistakes I don't mean to, they just happen and for various reasons. When I make mistakes I want people to forgive me. I don't want people being mad at me cause I wronged them on accident and I don't want them mad at me cause I wronged them on purpose. I feel like if I can forgive myself for my actions then so should you. If I cant forgive myself for my actions then you should forgive me and bring me to the light. Everyone wants to play the victim and hold some grudge over people for too long. People enjoy being miserable. The most common miserable practice that I witness involves relationships. People aren't completely honest all the time. Because of this some people lie and cheat. I don't justify cheating but at some point you have to let it go. Yes you were hurt and you were wronged but let it go and move on. Stop trying to carry the hurt with you everywhere you go and applying it to the people you meet. Allow yourself to forgive so that you can be a stronger person. Forgiveness doesn't give people a free pass to do whatever they want without any consequence either. It really allows you to find peace without compromising your moral integrity. I look at Black people today and it's kind of bad. We have not forgiven white people for all the things that have happened throughout history and at the same time we haven't really moved on either. We do the most harmful things to each other and make excuses for why we do it. The drugs and violence are unnecessary, yet we constantly participate in it. That is no way to a better life and blaming people for why you stooped so low is not the answer. When it comes down to it, we have all been given an opportunity to further our advancement in this world in a wide range of activities and venues, we make decision not to capitalize on those opportunities. We need to stop playing the victim and own up to our actions and learn to forgive and move on So make a decision today. Are you going to blame other people for your actions? Blame people for why YOU can't love? Why YOU can't succeed? Blame people for why YOU break the law? It all comes back to YOU in the end. So just move on. One up someone by succeeding in life the way you were meant to and not in a way were you envision yourself standing over them, while they sulk in failure. Be happy with things that mean something. Appreciate the ones around you that want you to succeed cause they want you to be happy