Could You Date A Pornstar?

I was watching a movie called, This Girl's Life. Don't ask me what I was thinking when I decided to watch a movie called This Girl's life, but it was a pretty interesting movie. It was basically about an adult film star and her life off camera. I know what you're thinking now, "I know why he watched that movie..." that's not it at all, but that's hat made it interesting. I suggest you check the movie out cause I liked it. Anyway, I was watching the movie and this question came to my mind, it's a little funny cause this isn't the first time I've asked myself this question, and my answer changes over the years. The question is: Could I Date a Pornstar? G introduced me to this song.... I thought it mildly appropriate for the subject. Lol When I first asked myself this question, my answer was yes. I was naive then. I thought the idea of dating a porn star would be really cool. I was lustfully making decisions off the idea of having great sex. Also when I would find a female attractive all I really cared was building on that moment. If we built on that moment then everything would be okay... I know, I know... So, I first said yes from then to now my answer is a definite no. I think the question is pretty funny to ask people. Almost everyone wants to act shocked that you would ask them a question like that. Like you just questioned all that was morally just with them. Chill out. Its just a question. I do have to say that my favorite people to ask this question to are the guys that cheat on their girlfriends. When I first ask them they first get this sense of excitement only for them to actually actually think about what it is that person does and eliminate the idea all together. Pretty amusing. Here you have a guy who is unfaithful to his girl but the idea of his girl being openly unfaithful to him is wrong. I couldn't date an active porn star and be cool with it. I'm not cool on the idea of infidelity and sex isn't all that to me. Yeah, it feels good, but it just a feeling. There is more to a relationship than sex. I don't like infidelity because I know how it would make me feel, so why do it to someone else if you can't handle the idea. I know people don't like being cheated on cause they sneak around when they do it. So the act ones with a sense of shame. I can understand that sex is a porn star's job but it's still sex. That's an intimate act, you can't get any physically closer to someone than that. Sex isn't just sex. We just detach ourselves from it's purpose. We are pleasure junkies. I just couldn't handle the fact that my girl is getting beasted at work and getting paid for it. On the other hand, I could probably date a former porn star. First thought about this when I saw the movie The Girl Next Door (good movie check it out). It's funny how we try to compare our morality to the morality of others. We compare and measure out actions against one another. We feel like just because when we make a wiser decision over another and the other person doesn't then that makes us morally superior than them. Then we start judging one another and don't even attempt to forgive them, because they "crossed the line" and we didn't. I think we need to forgive people and allow them to forgive themselves. Yeah she use to do porn but she doesn't do it anymore and she can't take those moment away, so do I hang that over her head? I don't think so. Sure it'll bring up some awkward moments but we can get over stuff. We need to get over some things I know when I ask people this question they tend to draw back in defense. Sometimes it's better to just open up and really answer a question to see where it leads to. I've been involved in some very interesting conversations that just sparked from a seemingly dumb question. Mostly cause I was being asked by some insightful people. Allow yourself to truly assess all that is involved with the question and you may find yourself challenging your own ideas and current actions. Hopefully it's all to change you into a better person.

What If I Dated Jennifer Anniston?

****So this might appear to be the lamest post made, bare with me, cause I kind of want to make a point. **** I was scanning over the top topics on Yahoo's homepage earlier this week and came across a story about the most eligible women in the world. The poll wasn't very interesting to me, it had Elin (Tiger's ex wife), Lady Gaga and Betty White ranked pretty high. Fortunately Jennifer Anniston and Halle Berry topped the list at #1 and #2, respectively. Seeing that Jennifer Anniston was ranked number one, the question, "Could I date Jennifer Anniston?" came to mind. I had to break this question down to two more questions: Could I date a woman that made more money than me? Could I date a woman that was a decade older than me? Now I understand that some of my sisters might be feeling slightly thrower off as to why I'm talking about Jennifer Anniston over Halle Berry. Couple of reasons actually. She came in at number 2 and this is my post. Hope that settle that. Jennifer Anniston is beautiful and talented. I'm a fan of her work. I've seen many of her movies and have a strong desire to see all of her movies with the exception of Leprechaun. In saying this, I do not know too many men or women who have not at least mildly entertained the idea or fantasy of dating a celebrity. We all all have our reasons why we wan to date them, but after I read this article and thought back on the GQ interview I read on her last year, I tried to put it in perspective and take the celebrity out of the situation. I really don't have a problem with dating a woman that makes more money than me. I find women who work and are able to provide for themselves to be very attractive. These women have a true sense of independence. A real sense that she doesn't need me financially but wants to be with me for the factors that really matter. It really puts my mind at ease to know that if life were to lead me down a financial slump then all the pressure wouldn't be on me to provide our living. She could even help me get back on my feet. I feel like we concentrate on money too much. If you don't have enough, then you aren't worth anything and you stress out. If you make too much... Well I'll let you know about it when I become a billionaire. Everyone associates money with success. This combined with the fact that men have misplaced egos and women are so insecure that they need a man to provide for them, just causes mess to me. How is it that if a man doesn't make enough money, then he he isn't good enough? For instance, I was struggling at one point and I just happened to be dating someone at the time. She would complain about me not buying her stuff... I didn't have a job. I was in school, and I didn't need to be in a relationship. Seriously when we are dating, it's not my job to provide for you. We are just dating, it might not work out, so provide for yourself or let your parents continue to provide for you but try to do it yourself. If a woman can provide for herself and her man, don't be ashamed to do it and don't allow him to feel ashamed to be taken care of. I don't know why dudes feel hurt when their women pull out their wallets and take care of things. Just let it happen. Get over your ego cause if they never tried to do it then we would be complaining and calling them gold diggers. Supporting, success, and providing come in many different forms and you just need to ind where you fit in when it comes to that. A man can be a strong presence in the relationship and in the household without being the major financial contributor. All my insecurities about my relationships wouldn't be about money. Money really isn't an issue with me. I'm not a bum. I'm not a mooch. I just realize that certain things are out of my control, and I'd rather not feel insecure about something cause other dudes couldn't handle it. Does it really matter that she makes more money a man? It really shouldn't. I feel like as a couple we should focus on something else. However, if I did date Jennifer Anniston, the only financial concern would be when it became time to treat or "spoil" (I hate this term) my woman. Here she is making millions off her talent and can basically treat herself o whatever she wants. It would make me feel insecure in that aspect. The fact that I couldn't do something out the "norm" for her. Cause my familiar would be her unfamiliar. The "WOW" aspect would be rather hard to pull off. I'm pretty awesome though, so I'm sure if come up with something, regardless of my income in comparison to hers. The biggest concern I would have about dating Jennifer Anniston would be the age gap. Only cause I have always wanted to start and maintain a family. Other than that I'm perfectly fine with dating an older woman. Jennifer Anniston is a decade and a half older than me though. I can do 5 years older but ten is sort of pushing it for me. Reality starts to set in for me, just a little. The older women become the greater the risk for birth defects and complications. Then I'm sure at the age of 40 and plus, having children isn't high on your to do list. With age comes experience as well. I would be asking myself, what would a beautiful, established and talented woman be doing with someone like me? She has been approached by many other eligible and probably more suitable men than me throughout the years. Again the idea of her choosing me is flattering but what makes me stand out over the others? It would seem a little off to me. Wouldn't really matter if it was Jennifer Anniston or not. I'm saying this cause I was approached by a 40 year old once, I don't know if had more to do with the fact that she was completely unattractive to me or she was almost my parents age. Either way, I rejected her, only to have her try to pawn her daughter off to me. It wasn't a great experience. I think up until that incident, I fancied dating an older woman. What attracts me to them are their maturity and wisdom. They seem to have a better appreciation of life and what it has to offer... Some of them. The idea that they haven't chosen a suitable man kind of trips me up. It sort of interest me to know why sometimes. Then I find out that some of them are bitter or a little disillusioned to dating. It doesn't apply to all older women, so I don't really see a problem with dating an older woman other than the concerns I mentioned earlier. There really isn't anything wrong with dating older women or women making more money than you in my opinion (as long ad your heart is in the right place). If you love each other then I support it. I don't personally want silly insecurities or superficial societal standards getting in the way of my goal to have a happy and successful life. In asking myself these questions, I don't know if I could date Jennifer Anniston, but I would heavily consider Eva Mendes.

The Good, The Bad, And The "F**K YOU TOO"

A few days ago i got to talking to G(Gevar) about my previous post and we dove into friendships, family, and relationships. As we grow up we USUALLY see (thru TV, movies, and in some cases real life) the joys of relationships. All of us tend to want the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and a dog/cat. Most of us are so caught up in that sense of being there, we are all hoping to reach that point of happiness not knowing the troubles we will hit. Our parents, bros/sis, try to warn us as we grow older and begin dating but you never know what that pain is until you go through it. In every decent relationship you have two periods that can really define how good or how bad the relationship will be, or has been. Most people hit the honeymoon mark and then start to see things that they had no idea about when looking at their partner... (Wait! Whats the honeymoon period? you ask...)

The honeymoon period is the 3-6 months after the relationship begins. its a time can can make or break any relationship. Why call it the honeymoon period? simple because once you hit that 3-6months you start to see thing about your partner that never bothered you before.

a few examples:

• They're not big on being romantic
• They tend to get mad over little things
• They get mad and raise their voice at you
• You can never do anything right
• They are very boring
• The sex is never anything new (same positions everytime)
• They dont clean up enough
• They never cook
• They NEVER pay for outings(dinner, movies, trips, parties, clubs, drinks ect.)
• They cant be satisfied in any way

The honeymoon is the first real test to any relationship (seeing that im GUESSING you already have the in with the rentals{parents}). It can be the make it or break it point depending on how many problems you may or may not have with you partner. Its a struggle but if its the relationship you want dive n and love hard. Sigh then theres that part that we get a glimpse of but never really understand until we go through it It can be one of those things that blindside you and knocks you off your feet. It can be a gut check by cheating, a fight, or simply realizing the truth to the fact that you are not meant to be. The cheating reason is possibly the most common now days because we have become a "please ME" nation. Only caring about what we want right now instead of what we could have tomorrow. We never know breaking up will be a good or bad thing we only know its hit and we have to deal with what it is. Sometimes we try to deny it and say "we can work it out". Sometimes we think that "it's ok she/he will be back". You know the "Break-up to Make-up" game that we've all experienced. Not exactly fair to either party yet in our own selfishness we overlook the damage it is doing and may do. Its almost lie'n not only to yourself but to the other person as well (but thats another blgo for another day). Sometimes the break up is the thing best for both parties. When you go through "The Break Up" most people tend to take it the way they've heard of it... as a bad thing. Yet most of the time we fail to realize that it can be good, dont see the growth we've made as a person, friend, lover, partner. I've always felt you can make good of any bad situation... but in the case of the honeymoon and the break up all you have to do is be real with each other and you dont have to worry about a situation getting bad you just learn to let it go and move on with continuing to find happiness. The Good, The Bad, and the POSSIBLE "Fuck You Too"... but only if you let it be

I Just Wanna Be Successful....

This one was inspired by an interesting convo I had at Starbucks on Saturday. Sometimes when you start speaking you surprise yourself. Just hearing yourself say some things can make you realize the ways in which you have grown. Sometimes that is a bad thing, but thankfully this was not one of those times. I've had enough bad revelations about myself for one year....lol smh. Success....what is it? No really....what is it? And don't give me a dictionary definition or a societal/social answer, those are someone else's thoughts. What is success according to you? I feel that far too often our idea of success gets a little skewed. Society teaches us that we constantly have to work hard, constantly have to be on our toes or we may miss an important opportunity or be passed up by the next person. Sometimes we get so caught up in "grinding" professionally from day to day that when we actually have time to just chill and focus on our personal lives, it's foreign to us. Then we feel lazy, stagnant, unproductive, etc.. Recently, the "No days off", "I'll sleep when I'm dead" mentality has become an epidemic. Listen, I get that it provides encouragement and inspiration to say those types of things and it sounded good in that song you heard or when Diddy said it. But is that really what you want for yourself? Sleep deprivation is not sexy. Some feel that you make too much of a sacrifice professionally when you have too much of a personal life. Others feel the opposite. While I can agree with both, I believe in BALANCE. In my opinion, you can and should have both. Life is not as fulfilling otherwise and there will always be a void you'll be looking to fill. It's pretty ironic to me to hear a person say that they are happily married to their career or to money or whatever because they are against settling in their personal lives. But to me, that mentality in and of itself is in fact settling and, in a way, cowardly. I believe it is perfectly feasible and necessary to have REAL friends, maintain a relationship with your family, and/or have a significant other while reaching your goals. I've seen people purposely isolate themselves to reach their goals and end up doing that so long that they become afraid of relationships, afraid to get close to anyone, afraid of hurting or getting hurt, afraid of loving or being loved; so they get comfortable in their own fear and never take that chance to really live. They purposely accept long-term careers that keep them on the go so they are not in one place long enough to build a life there... What are you running from? Because you can't dodge it forever. That, to me, is settling....fear of life and all that it brings. Not having the ability to enjoy every aspect of life. And that's what I'm afraid of....being one-dimensional. Having tunnel vision to the point where I drive out everything else. Having "success" but no one to share it with is failure to me. I love what I do for a living and I have a plan for where I would like to end up to ensure security professionally and financially. I will achieve these goals, but they aren't my life's purpose. When I accomplish these goals, I also want to remain close to my family and friends. I do want to meet new friends and build new relationships in addition to the ones I already have. I do want to work towards eventually having a family and sustaining it. I want my kids to work hard and be able to compete but I refuse to cripple them emotionally and mentally because I've focused too much on just one aspect of life when raising them. I want them to know how to love, how to care, how to accept, how to think, how to be an individual. That will surely take them much further than my degree or my money can. - GB

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." - Anna Quindlen