Long before I was married, Long before I was pregnant, and long before I began dating, I always wanted to be a good mother. The same is true then and even more so now. I believed I could raise a daughter into a greatly strong and respectable lady that would be a role model for others. The dilemma that I was always afraid to face was raising a son into a well grounded, God fearing, trust worthy, intelligent man that avoided all the growing negative stereotypes of today's young men.
Growing up, single parent homes were common especially in the black community. It was normal for me to see a mother raising her children alone. And many times, no matter how hard she tried to instill her values and goals in her young son, he always seemed to fall prey to the wrong crowd which eventually caused him to be completely off the track his mother so diligently fought to keep him on. I'm not saying this is true for all men that are products of single parent homes. I've met several placed in that situation (Jrome,GB,etc.) that I very highly admire and respect. I see them and wonder how did they avoid being a statistic. How did they avoid the bad crowds, the drugs, just the negativity and bad decision making in general?
My goal was to have a good job, a stable marriage, and a happy home before I would bring a child into this world. I am happy to say that I have a achieved that. However, all those things are not promised to me forever. Who knows? I could be divorced, with a meager job, and an unstable life one day. So, I feel that my concerns are justified
A significant man in my past had come from a very promising two parent home. His father was an officer of the law. His mother was a preschool teacher. Both parents set limits, enforced rules and were supportive. Even though all these thing were in place, he still went astray. He dropped out of high school, stayed in trouble with the law, became addicted to drugs and was not so good of a father either. I guess his situation was one of rebellion and personal decisions. Which causes me to question how does a parent prevent the radical rebellion at a time where her son is at critical turning point in his life?
Another experience is with young man raised by a single mother. His mother didn't have the best education. She was on welfare and not living in the best area. She tried to do what she thought was right and raise his the best she could with the very little that she had. This man never knew his father and had very few significant male role models in his life. In order to have acceptance, family, and a sense of belonging, he joined a gang. Being poor, this also helped him feel as though his criminal behavior would help provide for himself. He was constantly in and out of the juvenile justice system. His sister tried he best to intervene and took him into her home as she was struggling to make it through college out of state. By then, his less than upstanding behavior has already rooted itself within him. He found the same company in his new environment. Eventually, he was involved in a robbery gone wrong and he unintentionally murdered someone. He is now in prison. I would say he is a poster child of today's statistical young black men. Set up for failure from the start. He did, however, have a mind all his own and chose to make bad decisions.
I look at my six month old baby boy and I can only see his innocence, his joy. How can I raise him into an honorable man with good judgment? I want his to have a very strong foundation. I want him to be compassionate and loving, motivated and strong willed. I have help because he has men around him that are greatly positive. I'm going to make it my job, my goal that his father is always in his life no matter what goes on between the two of us. But, how can I do MY part in molding him?
After working with mentally ill children and their families, I do understand that it starts now. I know that I have to set limits, remain consistent, give praise, and be encouraging. I want to be someone he can come to when is faced with peer pressure or issues that are major to him. Right now, all I can say is that I need to be proactive in my son's life. Give him goals and help him set his own. Not only setting them, but also achieving them. Praise him but not spoil him. Give him responsibility but not the burden of carrying the family. Just want him to be a boy,young man, and eventually grown man that others look up to and admire. I want his to be a mind blowing treasure. Dear God, I want him to be a good man
Signed,
JustCallMeKei
