http://ghidorah3.blogspot.com/2011/02/no-sex-my-reevaluation-of-relationships.html
Lust should never be mistaken for love, but it is everyday. We choose our wants over our needs. Love doesn’t leave anyone hurt, angry and confused when it’s all said and done. I don’t want to be in a relationship where my ex can’t talk to me. To have my ex avoiding me at every turn. How sad is that to be the person always trying to hide and avoid the other person because you feel hurt, and you can’t let it go? As a couple you spend a couple of months or a couple of years telling and showing people how much in love you are. You meet each other’s families, tell each other your most intimate secrets only to never talk again…. And that feeling mostly comes from confusion. We confuse lust and love only to feel emotionally betrayed by the other person, but most of the time we set ourselves up. At the end of the day, it’s on us. We made the poor decision that left us the way we are. I don’t want that. I don’t want to have regret over my past relationships (yes that is regret when you are putting effort into avoiding your ex, don’t fool yourself). I want to build and create relationships out of love and understanding; those relationships grow into life long friendships and partnerships, even if the romantic relationship comes to an end. I don’t like the fact that someone I confided in is no longer a friend, just because we ended a romantic relationship. It apparently wasn’t meant to be a sexually romantic relationship. Some times we grow apart but we turn that growth into regression with our ill will. I also don’t’ want to feel like my relationship with my wife is a burden. Who keeps friends around that are constant burdens? No one, so why should your spouse/girlfriend be any different, they live with you and share every aspect of your life… let's make sense people. I want me and my wife to be on the same page and 7 hours a week is not going to get us there. So I made the decision to focus my attention on what really matters. My initial reason to refrain from sex was because I was tired. I wanted to eliminate the confusion that comes with sex. I was/am tired of the rat race to chase skirts. I have no desire to “hook up” it serves me no purpose toward my overall dream and goal to having a loving family.
Hooking up doesn’t seem respectful to me either. I’m using you to give me what I want and it just makes me feel bad at the end of the day. Then, what’s the point if I never want to call you other than to have sex? What’s the point if I never want to introduce you to my friends and family? Why have “friends” that you purposely keep in the shadows? I know there are exceptions; at least people think there are. There are people who make platonic relationships work, but why always fight against the rule just so you can justify the exception? Friends with benefits don’t last. I don’t care how much communication you two have it just isn’t meant to be something long term, so justifying it is pointless. The whole point of forming the verbal contract is to avoid putting effort into going out and engaging in meaningless hook-ups. So now you have found a “way out” with someone who shares the same idea, but someone is eventually going to catch feelings and get hurt because the other person doesn’t share those same feelings. It’s all cool when you are using each other, you both are getting what you both want without the fear of being in a real relationship, where you have to care about the other person…. But like I said in Wants vs. Needs, you are ALWAYS going to want more. In that situation you wanting more is justifiable, why wouldn’t it be? Nobody wants to stay the same. Every day we are striving to be better than we are today, so why be in a “relationship” (or I guess a contract) that goes nowhere? Eventually someone is going to want it to go further or move on to something better. The confusion and hurt occurs when the two aren’t on the same page….. Come to think of it… one person wants to further the relationship and the other wants to move on…. That's very similar most relationship break-ups. I’m just saying.
I have constantly asked this question throughout the years, why do friendships last longer than romantic relationships? They are both relationships right, both include love, understanding, trust, etc. I use to think sex was the difference, but we make sex the difference. We claim that we can’t have sex with our opposite sex friends because it will ruin the relationship… hold up… why do we say this? So you mean to tell me that WE KNOW that sex ruins relationships? So WHY do we turn around and have sex with a “stranger” and claim that we are in love??? Sense made to me… none. We are some very confusing creatures and all of it is because we operate off our wants. We are too small minded. Even when it comes to getting in a relationship, we only care about what WE want over someone that actually cares and respects us. That’s some funny stuff. We know what makes a relationship fall apart and work, yet we fail to get past our own selfishness. I don’t want to question myself so much when it comes to relationships. I’m tired of questioning my relationships; I want to know that it feels right and not try to convince myself that it feels right. I want to develop a friendship that isn’t tainted by the effects of sex or confusion. I’m not trying to base my decisions off lustful desires or sexual satisfaction/dissatisfaction. I feel like if I love you and the sex is bad, then I (or you) can learn to be better. That’s the point of being in love, understanding and growing together, making each other better. You have to WANT to be and do better though, and when it comes to a relationship you have to look beyond yourself to do so. Not saying that you have to deny yourself pleasure or satisfaction, just don’t put that completely over the other person.
I think people spend too much time putting emphasis on pleasure and sex. Everything that feels or looks good isn’t always good for you. Instant gratification never got any one anywhere worth truly being either. So I decided to do something about it. It hasn’t been that easy either, deprogramming yourself isn’t easy or fun, but I believe that it will take me to the places I want to be. It really is an interesting thing to look beyond what I want. It’s nice being able to see more than I was able to see before.
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