Dear God, I want him to be a good man

Long before I was married, Long before I was pregnant, and long before I began dating, I always wanted to be a good mother. The same is true then and even more so now. I believed I could raise a daughter into a greatly strong and respectable lady that would be a role model for others. The dilemma that I was always afraid to face was raising a son into a well grounded, God fearing, trust worthy, intelligent man that avoided all the growing negative stereotypes of today's young men.

Growing up, single parent homes were common especially in the black community. It was normal for me to see a mother raising her children alone. And many times, no matter how hard she tried to instill her values and goals in her young son, he always seemed to fall prey to the wrong crowd which eventually caused him to be completely off the track his mother so diligently fought to keep him on. I'm not saying this is true for all men that are products of single parent homes. I've met several placed in that situation (Jrome,GB,etc.) that I very highly admire and respect. I see them and wonder how did they avoid being a statistic. How did they avoid the bad crowds, the drugs, just the negativity and bad decision making in general?

My goal was to have a good job, a stable marriage, and a happy home before I would bring a child into this world. I am happy to say that I have a achieved that. However, all those things are not promised to me forever. Who knows? I could be divorced, with a meager job, and an unstable life one day. So, I feel that my concerns are justified

A significant man in my past had come from a very promising two parent home. His father was an officer of the law. His mother was a preschool teacher. Both parents set limits, enforced rules and were supportive. Even though all these thing were in place, he still went astray. He dropped out of high school, stayed in trouble with the law, became addicted to drugs and was not so good of a father either. I guess his situation was one of rebellion and personal decisions. Which causes me to question how does a parent prevent the radical rebellion at a time where her son is at critical turning point in his life?

Another experience is with young man raised by a single mother. His mother didn't have the best education. She was on welfare and not living in the best area. She tried to do what she thought was right and raise his the best she could with the very little that she had. This man never knew his father and had very few significant male role models in his life. In order to have acceptance, family, and a sense of belonging, he joined a gang. Being poor, this also helped him feel as though his criminal behavior would help provide for himself. He was constantly in and out of the juvenile justice system. His sister tried he best to intervene and took him into her home as she was struggling to make it through college out of state. By then, his less than upstanding behavior has already rooted itself within him. He found the same company in his new environment. Eventually, he was involved in a robbery gone wrong and he unintentionally murdered someone. He is now in prison. I would say he is a poster child of today's statistical young black men. Set up for failure from the start. He did, however, have a mind all his own and chose to make bad decisions.

I look at my six month old baby boy and I can only see his innocence, his joy. How can I raise him into an honorable man with good judgment? I want his to have a very strong foundation. I want him to be compassionate and loving, motivated and strong willed. I have help because he has men around him that are greatly positive. I'm going to make it my job, my goal that his father is always in his life no matter what goes on between the two of us. But, how can I do MY part in molding him?

After working with mentally ill children and their families, I do understand that it starts now. I know that I have to set limits, remain consistent, give praise, and be encouraging. I want to be someone he can come to when is faced with peer pressure or issues that are major to him. Right now, all I can say is that I need to be proactive in my son's life. Give him goals and help him set his own. Not only setting them, but also achieving them. Praise him but not spoil him. Give him responsibility but not the burden of carrying the family. Just want him to be a boy,young man, and eventually grown man that others look up to and admire. I want his to be a mind blowing treasure. Dear God, I want him to be a good man

Signed,
JustCallMeKei

When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

"Imma do me!"

"I am who I am!"

"Love me or leave me!"

How often in the span of 24 hours do you see, hear, or even speak variations of these words?  We want to stay true to ourselves at all times, which is vital to our happiness, but just like anything else in life we must have balance. I think it has become more of a defense mechanism and a self-affirmation to spew these words out every time we are challenged in our way of thinking or living. Standing your ground is important, but how much is too much? When does keeping it real go wrong?

If our feet are planted at all times, it ensures that we can't be pushed down or moved backwards, but also ensures that we can make no forward progress. Being that most of us like to believe that we embrace change in our lives, sticking to our guns too much in life can prove to be counterproductive to our growth. We all need people around us who uplift and encourage our individualism, but also challenge us to be better in certain areas. In my opinion, those are the best types of relationships. Don't let pride or fear of growth rob you of beneficial relationships in your life. Take it as a blessing to have people who extract you from your comfort zone every now and then.


In our relationships, a lot of us like to take on the "Love me or leave me" mindset. I understand it being used for people who choose to judge unfairly from a distance, but not for those who are closest to us. Just because someone cares for you doesn't mean they agree with everything you're about. Sometimes we know for a fact that there are things about ourselves that we would like to change to make us better individuals ultimately improving our relationships. Sadly, it is easier to say "He/She just couldn't handle me." as justification, rather than use that person to help us make the first steps toward making that necessary change.



Granted there are some relationships that just aren't meant and certain situations can't work, but if you find yourself being left more than loved maybe you need to get a "handle" on yourself and re-evaluate your mindset. Check your ego and find a way instead of finding an excuse. Maybe your deliberate refusal to embrace positive change is pushing people away. If you want a certain type of individual in your life, first make sure you possess the same qualities that you are looking for. If you haven't reached that level yet, how can you possibly live your life on the defensive, wanting good things to happen? Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to grow, afraid to change.

It is a fundamental law of attraction that like attracts like. Whatever you have, or are, you attract more of. If we truly want to change for the better, then we should change our thoughts and our words because they become who we are. In other words, our dominant thoughts are what attract the people and the circumstances in our lives.


It's your life and you created it, which means you have all the power to change it, for better or for worse. Don't get too comfortable with who you are (or who you think you are) at any given time. Who wants to stay the same for forever? That's not living, that's death for all intents and purposes.

Expectations...

kar·ma [kahr-muh]
-noun
1. Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.

To be honest, I don't really like talking about karma, ironically, however, I talk about it in some form or fashion everyday. We all do. I just like using the term "reaping what you sow. " they are similar in some form but different as well. Tomatoes or tomatoes, I know. We all have something we prefer over the other. Both terms do imply that whatever you do has a corresponding action to it. For every action there is a reaction.

I think we get upset with karma and life for a couple of reasons. We all know someone who wants more than they contribute in life (it may be you). You know, the person that gives a dollar expecting to be a millionaire for their contribution. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but be a little more realistic with your expectations (yes, I realize that the amount doesn't really mean anything. If that was all you had then that's more people Should strive to give as much). There is also that person who does something small for you and in return wants you to do something huge for them, knowing they would never accept something like that from you.

Instant gratification is starting to become a major downfall for a lot of us as well, especially when it comes to interaction with one another. We want instant gratification for just about everything we do. Instant karma doesn't generally happen that way in life and we also tend to attempt to push instant karma on each other. Negative actions are not trumped by negative responses. If your ex cheated on you, let it go and move on. Stop trying to get back a them so that you can have some sense of evenness or because you want to teach them a lesson. You just got schooled in betrayal, so how are you gonna teach the same lesson? All you are doing is adding to your own negative karma. Move on and find happiness elsewhere, if that's an option. Our emotions do not need to be instantly appeased, and that what gets us in trouble. We feel a certain way and we feel some need to cater to that emotion, and perform some action with little to no thought. We then end up with a bigger problem than what we started out with.

I use to wonder if karma existed or not. I questioned it because I wanted instant gratification and I felt that things weren't going fairly in my life.... In other words I felt like I wasn't getting what I deserved. I was asking why me a lot. Truth is, I probably was getting what I deserved, I just didn't realize it at first. Every action has a reaction, and you reap what you sow.

Many people compare life to a garden or a field, I'm no exception. You have to make sure that the ground you choose to plant is is suitable for growth, cause that's your foundation. Then you have to make sure that the seeds you plant will produce the fruit that you want. It makes no sense planting apple seeds when you want oranges. If you want positive things to happen to you in life, you have to be positive. It's that simple. Success starts out in your mind. You have to think and believe before you actually do. And that's the care and time you put into your garden. If you neglect your product for too long then it's not going to grow the way you want it to. Life does have unexpected outcomes though and your fruit will not always produce the way you expect it to. However, once your fruit has develops you have to share it with others. It's not just for your consumption alone.

There is a phrase I've heard too much of in the last couple of weeks: "If you are the smartest in your group, then you need to find another group." I have no idea why people believe this statement. Why should you change groups just because you are the brightest? A pastor doesn't dump his deacons because they don't experience revelations on the same level he does. He shares his revelations, and in turn they apply that to their lives and share with others. Thats what we should all do with our knowledge. It's our gift. It's our fruit.

When it comes to giving, you don give just so that you receive. Thats not why you give. Eventually you will recurve but that's because giving inspires more giving. We give because we are able to. Plain and simple. We have an abundance of whatever it is that we have been inspired to give. Giving brings others that much closer to feeling whole.

Can't Tell Me NOTHING!!!

(Kanye West - Can't Tell Me Nothing) La La La La (HEY) Wait till I get my money right La La La La (YEAH) Then you can't tell me nothing right (Why are we...late) Excuse me, is you saying something? Uh uh, you can't tell me nothing (YEAH) You can't tell me nothing (HAHA) Uh uh, you can't tell me nothing.

Atleast that's what we would ALL love to think... Yet end of the day, money or not, it won't bring you happiness... A few days ago a friend and i were discussing relationships, happiness, finding happiness, and finding it in a relationship. Started as just a little venting about relationships and problems compare/contrast typical things most people discuss when venting, yet when we hit the topic of his/her happiness it got really interesting... enough to write about atleast.

When going into any relationship we always want to find someone compatible and usually find someone that is so different, yet so like ourselves, we fall into a state of amazement, confusion, and bliss... in other words, we fall in love. The most confusing part of any relationship is the lack of knowing even when you "know" you know. The assumptions, the second guessing, and the all out ignorance we then show when trying to be the perfect match.

Ex. His P.O.V. - "I just know she is gonna love this gift" only to get that "eh... its alright(smile)" Her P.O.V. - "He is gonna love this sexy dress i just got" only for him to not notice AT ALL.

So it pushes us to dig deeper to impress and gives a bit of a thrill, that we don't know our partner as well as we think. We hope to have alot of the same views but feed off the views we don't share. Some people feed off the monetary things we own or aspire for, some feed off the ability to do for self, some feed off family... but its becoming more rare to find those who feed off making as many people around them happy. We focus so much on self that we try to overlook others when unhappy.

Ask yourself this?

• Can you overlook someone who is sitting alone crying with out asking what is wrong?
• Are you willing to give something for nothing?
• Can you put yourself to the side if it will help another?
• Are you willing to give up a day to help someone in need?
• Can you ask for something and not do something in return?

Sometimes we focus on self to the point that we grow cold to others... now myself being a realist i say i "have love" for everyone i meet even though i don't like, or trust them til given a reason too. It's just something i feel should be earned; Yet, i also feel respect is something that should be given, until there is little to know need for respecting that person. I respect and have love for everyone but i have no reason to believe you are not an idiot until you show me so... contradictory? A little! But try this on...

You meet a random person who is kindly giving out candy, You just so happen to like what they are giving out yet you respectfully decline while watching others take a piece and keep it moving.

Now think, why didn't you take a piece what you really wanted one? Because you didn't trust them, you thought they were krazy, no one is that nice, people don't just give for no reason. All of these can apply.

If a week later you saw the same person there doing the samething would you turn it down then?

Sadly some people really do things out of the kindness of their heart, but when you come across this you look at those taking it as if they were krazy, ignorant, gullable. When we allow our fiend for money to cloud our views on making things "better" in life. True enough we can always want better for ourselves but sometimes you have to think about the good "karma" that can come from giving more that expecting to recieve. Some of you may take what im saying and agree yet do nothing but is your greed really something you want to have that "Can't Tell Me Nothing" mindset? Or should you just give a little bit of time, money, help to someone in nee wether it be listening to a friend, helping at a school/shelter, or just taking a moment to ask someone who is sitting alone crying "Are you ok?"

YOU HAVE BEEN DENIED!

Everyone has been rejected in their lifetime. It actually happens on a regular basis, whether we realize it or not. I know I experience rejection daily. I can't even begin to tell you how many times my proposals have been rejected. When I look back on some of my rejections I i tend to laugh at them, and many of them I am thankful for being rejected.

Rejection doesn't always have to be a negative thing. We just look at it in a negative way because no one likes to be denied anything. Even if it's something they didn't need to begin with. If you were given everything you ever asked for, how would that help you? Where is the benefit in that? What lesson will you ever learn? How would you ever grow? Thinking about it, to never be rejected would mean that you are perfect, and we all know that perfection doesn't exist in humanity.

Rejection CAN make us stronger. It allows us to see and assess our faults (or the direction which we have chosen to travel). People who handle rejection well basically learn from their faults become better people. However, I said "can" because the people who handle rejection poorly, tend to either completely shut down or ignore that they may have faults. Those are the people who point fingers at others or punish themselves too harshly.

Take a deeper look at yourself. The next time you get rejected, ask better questions so that you can make better decisions and move forward in life. Ask yourself if you really need to be in the situation you were (or currently) trying to place yourself in, whether it be a job, a relationship, or whatever. Rejection doesn't always have to be a negative thing (it just doesn't feel good). You have to maintain a positive outlook on your future, stop over analyzing your situation, and believe that things will work out for the best.

My dad sent me this message a couple of months ago: Disappointment happens to all of us. The Bible says that the rain falls on the just and the unjust alike. The Bible says that all things work for the good of those who love God and are called unto His purpose. So remember, the joy of the Lord is out strength. So there is no need to stay disappointed, God has promised it will all work to our benefit.

So keep your head up people.

The Other Perspective

Sometimes......... you just need to hear it from somebody else........ so this time........ i'll let him handle it...

So..... there you have it..... well have a great week.....

Trivial Pursuit

Happiness...

We chase it.....but at what expense? I believe the answer to that is subjective to one's general outlook on life. When I think of what happiness means to me, I don't think of every facet of my life being near perfect or everything "falling into place" and me being carefree because of it. Nor do I believe that when I reach some level of "success" or notariety I will then be happy and I can kick my feet up. How many times have you dreamed and yearned for something you thought you needed, then when you finally attain it, it's not as fulfilling as you thought it would be? In my opinion, that is due to the fact that you haven't found your PERSONAL happiness. Thus you're chasing your "dreams" for the wrong reasons and your efforts are fruitless more often than not. I've been there once or twice as I'm sure you have as well...it's something that all of us struggle with.  To me, true happiness comes with self-actualization and peace within. Sounds cliche but it is truth.               

It's not a coincidence that a lot of the people who I admire personally and artistically live a "Bohemian" lifestyle to some degree. They don't really abide by trends, societal standards, or "keeping up with the Jones'". They are not different for the sake of being different (which a lot of people strive for), they have reached a point where they have found peace within themselves so they do what truly adheres to them. They don't broadcast it for recognition; instead it radiates and the world seemingly moves out of their way and respects them because of it, for the most part. There is a fine line between bitter independence and peaceful independent living. Learn the difference between the two and live for YOU.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 I believe spending time with yourself is essential as it allows you to get in tune with who you are and helps you gain perspective. We all need alone time...to think for ourselves...to do all the little things that make us happy...to reflect on and appreciate life. If you need people around you at all times in order for you to feel comfortable, that is a red flag.  Don't be afraid to be alone in your own thoughts and feelings sometimes...no matter how unstable they may be. Our personal demons never just vanish or fade away over time, they grow into more complex issues so we must face them and move forward with our lives. So I challenge you to ask yourself, what is holding you back? The more you understand yourself, the more perspective you gain about EVERYTHING. Stuff just starts to make sense, for lack of a better phrase. You learn to take life's curveballs in stride and still remain in tact while being proactive to catalyze change for the better.

Truthfully, finding peace (or as much as possible) is a never-ending process. Therefore, I believe true happiness is in living. Don't get caught up in the pursuit...instead just LIVE. Happiness is not some destination to reach...it is all around us. It is up to us to adjust our perspective on our current (and future) situations. We can not forget to live our lives for US, and not for the approval of the world, or even our friends and loved ones. Trust yourself and enjoy the ride. It's just life....no one makes it out alive anyway. Lol

The Wackness: Thinking Like A Man

... And stop worrying about trying to think like the opposite sex...

I have no idea where the idea "that in order to get a man you have to think like a man" came from. I hear females lay claim to having a male mentality or have the ability to think like a man at least once a week. Where did the statement, "I think like a man, so I know the game" come from? Why is it that only single, can't find a man, can't keep a man, borderline bitter females over use this statement?

How can you seriously believe that you can think like a man?

I know that the comedian, Steve Harvey, wrote a book entitled, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I'm not attacking the book right off. I also have not read the full content of the book, so you can ride my comments off as ignorance if you want. I just don't agree with the approach, from the title's perspective and the initial content of the book, which has to cater to the title. I have problems with books like this because the reader absorbs the advice and opinions of one person on how to approach and treat an entire sex and race as a whole. To me, the key to a relationship is to just get to know the other person. Really spend the time to try and get to know them. There is no timetable to adhere to or some trick to use when it comes to forming a relationship. Every one develops and grows at different paces and you just have to understand that. You thinking like a man is a waste of time, and it is not going to get you a man or allow you to understand all of us as a whole when it comes to relationships.

I personally feel like a woman will never be able to think like a man and we don't want you to, at least I don't.

I can't stand for a woman to make claims that she can thinks like a man. Every time a woman says something like this she turns around and does, says and believes something that a male mentality would most commonly not do, say or believe. Why claim that you have the mentality then at the same time be completely confused about the situations you place yourself into? In the confusion of these situations you start claiming that men are confusing. Did I miss something? I thought you thought like us? The reason you are confused is because you are confused about what you want in a man. In my observation, the only reason that a woman would claim to be able to think like a man is so that she doesn't get hurt again.

Yes, I said hurt again. I have seen and heard too many women claim male mentalities after they have gotten their feelings hurt in some relationship they were in or thought they were in. In their minds they believe that adapting a male mentality will help prevent them from feeling or being hurt again. The reality of the situation is that they shouldn't have been in that relationship to begin with.

One of the sad things about trying to adapt the mentality of a man is that you are hurting yourself on a couple of levels. Instead of having or developing a positive male mentality, they develop one based on how they feel they were treated by by the person who hurt them. It bothers me that women view men as these detached and emotionless beings, when that isn't the case at all. That mentality right there lets me know that these women have no idea what a real man is. That kind of upsets me. Men are just as emotional as women are; only we place our emotions in other things. Everyone in the world does this. No two women think exactly the same and no two men think exactly the same either. Everyone has a different idea of love, relationship, commitment, etc. and the best way to know how that person feels or thinks about these topics is to ask them straight up and form a real relationship with them. One based on understanding and truth and not games and lies.

On the other hand, what if a man walked around stating that he had the mindset of a woman? Most women would instantly reject him and his statements. They would one up with a. List of questions that would challenge and destroy his claims. I don't know one man that claims to think like a lady or wants to think like a woman. I know some that understand their spouse, but that's not the same thing as thinking like them. However, we all know that double standards don't apply to women if it's not in their favor.

Every time a female claims to have a male mentality, to me, it makes her look ignorant and a little desperate. It makes her look desperate cause she feels like she has to fit in somewhere. She desires some sort of attention and a little bit of justification. It makes her look ignorant, because the way she wishes to act is the way she views men. If you want to lay claim to having a male mentality, then what kind of mindset do you have? Do you want to think like a "dog" or a man? If you hold the mindset of a womanizing, emotionally detached, or commitment avoiding stereotypical man, then that's exactly what you are going to unwillingly (but willingly) be surrounded by. Common sense would imply that you develop the mentality of the man that you would like to be with, if you want to make these claims. I want to be with a certain type of woman, so I have to stay focused and maintain the mentality that is necessary going to attract this certain type of woman (in theory at least). I don't have to try to get over on people or force myself into accepting certain things to feel accepted and respected.

The reality of it all is that, you don't have to think like a man in order to get one. Real women realize that this "game of love" is not a game. There are no special ways to prevent you from getting hurt, used or whatever. Confidence in yourself attracts men. Good judgement and knowledge weeds out the good men from the bad ones. SO, make better decisions when it comes to relationships. Have a realistic idea of what a real man is. We are out there.

** I have not read either one of the books that I have displayed. I figure if you read one you should read the other.

Artistic Passion... All Me!

When i was little i always had a passion for the arts, like poetry, music, dance, paintings, drawings, sculptures ect. My family was a huge support to these passions hopes and dreams of mine to be something, no matter what it may be. I started out as a huge fan of drawing and was actually pretty decent... im not going to say good but i was ok. Then my fellow Ghidorah fam G got me into poetry it was something that became a favorite release for me and something that lead the way to many more ventures as far as what i could do with it. Years after meeting my Lil bro J.O., i never would have expected my writing would lead to towards an avenue of music which helped me grow in so many ways as a writer and as a person. Ups and downs doing music made me give it up for a little while but now my Lil bro has me re-inspired to get back to it. Yet for this particular blog i decided not to bore you with a random topic or random rant but to give you a piece(s) of me n my writing... all in all i hope you like it... and if you dont its all gravy.

A Clear Head Full of Toughts

my mind has been wandering... trying to figure where I am and where we are going... you gave me ur heart wit no strings attached and then jus like that it feels like u took mine... I didn't fight it because i felt good about it... but now.... now i regret... well not regret but i wonder... what if?... what if i never allowed myself to be robbed of my heart... my emotions held ransom... and when i thought i had giving all i could... u still held on to my life... my love... the things that made me love u are the same things that make me fear loving u... the fear of being the one not receiving ur calls, the fear of being the one waiting on you to jus be... with... me... im scared to admit it to myself but all the signs point to the bottomless pit... and they keep telling me there is a bottom... ha.... what am i to believe... i feel like I’ve taken this dive before.... long ago.... but not so long ago.... actually not long at all... because i feel myself falling again... falling in and out of love.... wit u... only i don’t know which im falling in or out... but i know i cant feel the ground n it scares me... ur voice make my heart RACE... but it seems mine annoys you... but u say u want me... you miss me... you love.... me? y i don’t know... what do i have to offer.... except being everything you fear loving because its too good to be true... ha... who woulda knew i found someone who loves loving but is afraid to love... like me?...

Loving The Unloving

I consistently find myself loving the unloving, not loving being unloved but but the hope of uncovering, a heart that was once tortured and scorched that just needs healing, i try to avoid this love but it seems i am left with the pains of dealing.

i guess it all my fault to know that the trap is there but still test it, thinking that one day i can win but im steadily getting bested, i tell myself early to step back or else your heart wont be rested, and i move from one unloving to another hoping to find a love resurrected.

The thought of loving over powers all my senses, and even though i know there are there i keep denying what the hints is, i love hard and fall harder cause of the lack of support hence this, reason for writing my pain cause spilling my blood would be senseless.

i look into eyes and see pain from loves past, i try to stay new with my love never molding her in that cast, and every time i start over i wonder how long will this one last, cause in the few before you i was left looking like an ass.

im loving the unloving but lost sight of loving me, blinded by there pain my vision of the man in the mirror i can't see, caring too much for what they want and not fulfilling what i need, I’ve been loving the unloving but broke the heart of myself loving R-O-M-E...

Hope you enjoyed it... see you soon for more

Independent Women Vs. The Old Fashioned Ladies

You, the man, are standing in the club ready to make your pick. The DJ asks, "Ladies, if you're independent put your hands up." You look around the club to see what looks like thousands of hands raised. But is that what really turns you on?

The modern woman, with the encouragement of Destiny's Child and a "Anything-You-Can-Do-I-Can-Do-Better" mentality, strive to be a man's equal in every way. We want the same jobs, to drive the same cars, play the same role in relationships????

I too believe women are capable of pretty much anything a man is, but I feel there is a time and place for everything. In my opinion, part of what makes a woman attractive, in addition to her physical exterior, is a level of respect for a man's role. You can be successful like Oprah, brighter than the North Star and make "Arab Money," but that is not intimidating to men, rather, it is unattractive if you don't know when to turn it off and let the man be your protector and provider.

I hear women complain about how immature men are, but if you are trying to play the role of his mother, and not his partner, what do you expect him to be?

I'm neither advocating for excessive male dominance, nor for the expectations of the docile woman, I just believe men need an opportunity to "do them." I don't think you will lose yourself entirely, you won't lose any self-respect or dignity, you won't lose any of the success you have earned by being a woman. By being a man's complimentary counterpart, rather than his combative competition.

Guys, am I right?
Ladies, do you agree? Do you disagree?


- Lauren
http://www.thebobbypen.com/

Is Chivalry Dead???

If chivalry is dead, who killed it? I was listening to an old school song entitled "Treat her like a lady" it made me think what happened to that man? One who would help a lady with her coat, open a door or pull out a chair. Chivalry is defined as a medieval system of principles, and customs that idealize a knight such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry towards women. Chivalry is also defined as a gallant gentlemen. In my current observation I find that courtesy and honor appear to be obsolete.Values and principles have been tossed out. Values and principles are learned behaviors .I tell my clients all the time if you do not know what you value . I don't know how to treat you. If you don't have values you can't possible have expectations. Being that values are learned I often wonder which generation discontinued the lesson or just skipped school that day. In a relationship men want to be treated like men and Women want and to be treated like a women. However before anyone can treat you as you deserve to be treated you must act accordingly. Men should be Men. If you don't know what a real man is find one to learn from. Women should be women ,again if you don't know what that is, find a real woman to learn from. Chilvary is not dead. As women we must understand that our independence can be both a gift and a curse. Its good to not depend on anyone. However its also good to allow someone to care for you. Allow him to open the door, hold the umbrella, help you with your coat,pull out the chair and initiate first contact. It's OK, it doesn't make you weak. Ladies for someone to treat you like a lady you must act accordingly. If you allow certain things and don't communicate that you need certain things you will not receive anything. Men you must step up and reclaim your position.A position of honor, bravery and gallantry. Both women and men must have clearly defined values and expectations. Again if you don't expected anything you will not receive anything. Chivalry will die if we don't nurture it. Don't allow her independent nature or strong personality scare you off. Treat her like a lady. Ladies allow a man to be a man.He can't be brave if you are jumping out ahead of him wearing the protective amour. No man wants a "hard,thugged out chick". Good girls win in the end! Chilvary is not dead but it's lingering on life support. Just my thoughts!!!

Misconceptions of Judging in Christianity

I have observed that when the topic of judgment is brought up from a biblical standpoint, people usually lean towards two extremes. One of those extremes being that judging is strictly prohibited within Christianity. The other being that it is the duty of believers to rebuke other fellow Christians and spread the gospel. While there is truth to both of these views, balance is such a vital necessity! 

 

Getting too comfy with either of these perspectives can become extremely toxic to our growth with Christ. Shouting out defensively "Only God can judge me!" whenever someone offers some constructive or valid criticism is ignorant.


While the mentality of no judgement would suggest that we should remain in total silence as we watch our loved ones head down the road to destruction. Well, that's pretty painful! Kind of reminds me of watching a character in a horror movie go back into the house while the audience yells at the screen in vain! 


Is that what God is really saying through His Word? I think that a lot of times, whether consciously or not, we tend to focus on one part that we like instead of stepping back to look at The Word of God in it's entirety. Or perhaps we just know some isolated verses from hearsay and/or tradition? Which leaves the door wide open for scriptures to be misinterpreted, not to mention completely taken out of context! 


Many are familiar with Jesus teaching that "He who is without sin cast the first stone." He was saving a woman from being persecuted and after He made that thought-provoking statement, her accusers left. Christ told her to go and sin no more. Was Jesus saying never to have an opinion or a voice as one of His followers? No. But He is saying and demonstrating not to persecute sinners! Reflect, empathize and show mercy to others instead. These actions better illustrate the love of God.  

"It is better to have eyes for beauty – than for blemish. It is better to be able to see the rose – than the thorns. It is better to have learned to look for things to commend in others – than for things to condemn. Of course other people have faults – and we are not blind. But then we have faults of our own – and this should make us charitable."

J.R. Miller Judging Others, 1894.

In Proverbs you will find many verses on taking advice as well as criticism. Chapter thirteen it reads, "Pride leads to conflict;those who take advice are wise". Two chapters over reads, "If you listen to constructive criticism,you will be at home among the wise." Throughout the bible, it is evident that words of wisdom and even rebukes are favored as long as they are handled integrity, humility and love. (Daniel 4:27, 1 Corinthians 5, Galatians 6:1-3)  On the other end of the spectrum, a lot of Christians in their misdirected zeal become "micro-managers" when it comes to correcting others. It's ridiculous and manipulative to pick someone apart regarding every little thing! Apostle Paul brought this issue to attention in Romans 14...


"Welcome with open arms fellow believers who don't see things the way you do. And don't jump all over them every time they do or say something you don't agree with—even when it seems that they are strong on opinions but weak in the faith department. Remember, they have their own history to deal with. Treat them gently."


The same Paul rebuked a member of the church for having sexual relations with his stepmother in 1 Corinthians 5. Was he contradicting himself? I don't think so. Paul is saying to pick your battles! You don't have to smile and nod at  destructive behavior that jeopardizes someone's salvation. But to argue over who eats shrimp* and who doesn't is just really a waste of time and could easily discourage someone in their walk. Besides, God doesn't need us playing "holy ghost patrol" all the time. Relaxxx! And if you're truly concerned about something that minor, give it to God and trust that His will is done!


[Christians are] not to be hasty in making negative judgments on their fellows. It is a dangerous procedure because it invites a similar judgment in return. And it is a difficult procedure because our own faults make it hard for us to see precisely what is amiss in our fellows. Jesus is not, of course, forbidding all judgments; He is warning against the hasty condemnations that are so easy to make, and so characteristic of the human race.

Leon Morris

Matthew, Eerdmans, 1992, p. 164.

We also must be careful of making "final" judgments of character. Making statements like "He'll never amount to anything..." or "She's going to hell!" is putting ourselves in the place of the Author when our role is the character. We don't know how the story will end for an individual... and it's not our job to! There was a warning about this type of self-righteousness in James chapter 4.

So, I'm rapping it up ladies and gents! Just want to stress again that balance is the key! And when we sincerely search the word for understanding, we find that it's there. Thanks for hanging with me on this one! And a special thank you to the men of Ghidorah3 (Vaughn, Gev, & Jrome) for having me as a siren! =) I would also like to thank my hubbz for letting me hog the computer! 

With sincere love,


Your Friend Kimmy


 


SHALOM!!!












*Eating sea creatures was forbidden in the law of Moses Lev. 11:9-12, but when Jesus came we were freed from the law Rom. 12 and we could live in the fruits of the spirit Gal. 5:19-23 from then on.

Where's Your Black Pride?

As a kid we are all told to act a certain way, be a certian way, think a certain way. There's is one memory burned in my mind that scared and molded me at the same time. I was about 14, spending one of my many summer in Mobile, Al. with my pops, at an indoor football game enjoying the atmoshpere with a friend when an older Black man came up to me and said "Where is you pride as a 'young black man'? Ya'll kill me sagging your pants like that!" I was in a state of shock, i was caught off guard, yet i gathered my jaw from the ground and replied, "what are you talking about my pants aren't saggin' (proceeded to show that they weren't due to my Jersey)!!!" In a state of shock himself, he apologized and continued on to his seat. But it forever left a mark for me in my child hood.

As a young black man i took serious offense to his statement but still understood it. We as young black men are the fish in the barrell waiting to be shot. How? you ask. Because we are already marked men from birth, no matter where you are from, what your parents do, your clean record, or your financial status. Problem is for the most part we continue to live up to the way america potraits us, as gangsta's, thugs, violent, disruptive, loud, ignorant, disrespectful, drug dealing, individuals. Question is what are we doing to change this?

I know when i was younger i went with the trends and fads of the day (baggy pants/shirts, a mug meaner than a pit, an attitude of fuck the world n let em die) partially because it was what was popular and because its what i felt i had to be to make it in this cruel, cold world. Yet what did it get me, fearful stares, not to say it didnt amuse me but it also made people think i was mean and grouchy(far from the truth). I dressed comfortable and still do but with all trends and fads it eventually fades as we grow and i grew quickly. I never saw a problem with how i dressed because just like now i dont care what everyone else thinks. You can think im the son of the devil (n i will laugh at you) but if thats what you want to think im not going to take time out of my day to prove you ignorant (ignant). I would much rather prove you wrong with my actions, if i look like a thug but work a 9-5 in a suit should you still feel im the same dude in music videos talkin about crack, killin, stealin, and women? No! Yet most of america still will. Racism? Eh. Prejudice? Prolly. Do i care? HELL NO!

When someone questions your pride as any given race you take offense to it. I took offense because you questioned my pride as a black man something i am very prideful of. I understand the struggle that happened even though i never lived it but that doesn't make me hate white people because of what happened it makes me hate that people still feel like they are better than me because of my skin. I didn't have to fight their fight but we have a whole new fight. Not one of freedom, or equality, but the fight of giving my children a reason to be "Proud Black" kids. Our music is rarely uplifting, our dances are rarely non XXX related, and our television is rarely lacking ignorance beyond belief. We take to the internet and promote more ignorance, head to jobs with very little care of who's watching and who it may effect. Yet we get heated when someone calls us a "nigger"(a person of any race or origin regarded as contemptible, inferior, ignorant, etc.). Although when your actions are Ignorant, inferior, blah blah blah, what should you expect?

1. If you see something and its wrong why teach your kids the samething?
2. Why sell drugs to the block you live on and wonder why the neighborhood is so bad?
3. Why drees like a thug/slut and wonder why you're treated like one?
4. Why expect respect when you dont give it?
5. Why get mad when someone questions your pride when you don't have it to start with?
6. Why complain about our schools when you take no part in helping?
7. Why fight for a block but not fight to keep your family?
8. Why ask why when you dont want the answer?

It's not on our parents to make us strong prideful black men/women, nor is it on them to make our kids the same. That duty now falls on us... so now i'm asking...

Where's Your Black(& any other race) Pride?

The Tapedeck Vol. 1

HUMP DAAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!

I hope your week is going as well as possible. If not, hell, it's almost Friday. I got a (bright) idea to start something new here on Ghidorah as far as music goes. Every so often (aka...whenever I feel like it) I'll be creating a playlist of random tracks that I'm feeling at a particular time. I've been told I have good taste in music so hopefully this is something you will enjoy receiving as much as I enjoy giving it to you. I love sharing good music to anyone who is willing to listen.

With that said, I introduce to you The Tapedeck Vol. 1. Just a little something to hopefully help get you through your day. We all need that "sonic getaway". Vibe out with me at work, home, from your phone if you can, wherever. If you're feeling any of it and need some recommendations on where to hear more, feel free to hit me up.

Peace.


  The Tapedeck Vol. 1 by EVO85

Jamie Foxx's Terry Crews story

The Foxxhole is very funny. I figured I'd share this story Jamie Foxx told on the air about Terry Crews. Moral of this story, be real.

Defined

• Best Friend - the one friend who is closest to you.
• Friend - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
• Associate - a person who is admitted to a subordinate degree of membership in an association.
• Acquaintance - a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.

Too often i hear people say, "I don't have any good girl/guy friends." For the longest it bothered me to hear this. WHY? Because, we all have friends good and bad yet the problem is not the "friend" it's how you view the status of that relationship. We tend to try to give everyone a title of "friend" when we should infact break that down to sub-categlories. Not because people can't be a good friend, instead to say not everyone SHOULD be trusted from day one. We are brought up with the belief to "love all Gods children", which i agree with but that doesnt mean everyone should be given a title to lose, rather one to gain.

With most..... better yet with all of my friendships each person has had to earn certain titles. Some titles im a little more lenient with (ex. my bro/sis's girlfriend/boyfriend), because they are close with the ones i care about most. Although, that title can fade with given relationship if one doesn't build outside of said relationship. I have been through many friendships, gained trust, lost trust, gained "family", and lost strong relationships, because thats what it tkes to find life long friends. I enjoy having the friends i have near or far because i know at the end of the day that love and support is always there. If i were to tell someone i have had the same basic core group of friends for going on 15yrs, they probably would scoff at it. Amazingly enough its true, give or take a few.

To build a strong relationship you have to build trust. (Trust - the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed.) People tend to give trust to everyone they meet, which i REFUSE to do, because they feel ts the RIGHT thing to do. I on the other hand give nothing and expect nothing until a certain status is earned. Do i have trust issues? YES. Although in m eyes that makes the relationships i have that much stronger because every ounce of it was earned in one way or another.

I find it funny we are so willing to open up to those we call friends much earlier than those we call our companions. We make companions work for every little bit and give "friends" passes on much more. Why not expect the same from both parties? How about askng yourself this? (read below)

• Are you willing to take more crap from a friend or a companion?
• Would you prefer a friend lie to you or lover?
• Do you expect more out of our friends or the one you want to spend you life with?
• Does it hurt more to a good friend or a good lover?
• Is the flaw of a friend more acceptable than the flaw of your significant other?

I ask myself those questions regularly when considering both friends and loves. I guess when you are really ready to find those life-long friends you will challenge them like you do anything you expect to be life-long. Until then you can't be mad at them because you trusted them and gave them a title they never wanted/deserved.

Love, live, laugh yall.

Soulmates....?

Admit it...even if you don't want to. At some point in your life you have seriously felt, or had an inkling, that you found your soul mate. Take a second, think back, and recall who you gave that title to....

Some of you are cringing and shaking your heads right now.

Some are laughing hysterically.

Others are smiling because you may still be with that particular person.

I used to believe in the concept, but I'm pretty certain I don't anymore.....and I'm happy about that. Blame my 25 year old cynicism if you will, but I don't believe anyone is mapped out to fit us. I don't believe I was necessarily "made for" anyone and no one was "made for" me.  I know I sound like a huge cynic, but follow me.

I am a man who believes in opportunity.  Not to get super religious, but I believe when we ask God for things like patience, knowledge, or acceptance, we aren't just automatically granted what we wish for. Instead, we are put in a position (aka, given the OPPORTUNITY) to be patient, to gain knowledge, to accept. It's up to us to recognize that opportunity and take that first step toward gaining whatever it is we ask for. With that said, I don't believe happiness in relationships depends necessarily on the person you are with, but more on where both of you are in your development as individuals. You MUST be on the same page. Thus, I believe that finding someone "for you" is a product of good timing and seizing the opportunity...nothing more, nothing less. I seriously doubt that if I had met my lady when we were 18, her and I would have clicked and ended up together. We were two TOTALLY different people than who we are today and it probably would have gone bad pretty quickly...lol

A lot of times, we are too quick to bestow the "soulmate" title because we want a strong connection so badly to the point where we do our best to MAKE one...especially if the relationship is a good one (or better than we've had previously). We are afraid to lose that person, to be alone, to have to "start over". And before we know it, what was once love (if it ever was) has turned into convenience and fear. We trick ourselves into believing that this is the best thing ever, then when the truth reveals itself we scare ourselves into staying in unfulfilling relationships. Holding on to what we think is best for us, when all we're really holding on to is familiarity....All because we have prematurely convinced ourselves way too early in the relationship that "This is it." Not necessarily because of the other person, but out of our own selfish aversion to the thought of being alone....

Sound familiar? We've all been there, whether on one side of the equation or the other.

 The Foreign Exchange - Fight For Love by EVO85


I think one of the best things anyone can do when it comes to relationships is calm down. Take your time and BUILD something worthwhile...one brick at a time. We focus too much on "Forever" and not enough on building up to Forever. Stop thinking and trying so hard...you shouldn't have to TRY to be with someone to where you start to force a relationship. Let go of the ridiculous titles "He/She is my everything."  "Always."  "Forever."  That stuff is way to absolute to focus on and claim so early on in a relationship. The best relationships are ones where the two individuals have accepted that it could indeed NOT be forever and always, thus they focus on actually building a relationship from the ground up to a (possible) Forever; and letting life "happen" in the meantime. Whether that means that all they'll ever be is friends or they end up married for 60 years. They understand that they probably can't create the cookie cutter dream that they've had about what a fulfilling relationship is "supposed" to be.

They know and accept that they know NOTHING except that they can't force love where it doesn't exist. Square pegs do not fit in round holes, no matter how much we want them to sometimes. In other words, it is what it is.

Timing & Opportunity




Skip to about the 6:30 mark. The beach scene....contains one of my favorite dialogues.



Peace,

GB

Embrace Yourself

I really get irritated when I tell a girl that I like her or use to like her and she says something like "But why? I'm goofy. I'm weird."
Apparently I don't care about all that and I'm willing to accept you the way you are.

I do realize that people make an attempt at being modest with these statements, but they come off as rather annoying to me. Just say thank you. For one it's hard enough trying to tell someone that you like them, then you hear this insecure sounding line...

Moving on...

I respect and appreciate a person that can be themselves around me. That makes me feel comfortable to be myself. It allows me to open up and let that person in to what makes me me. You shouldn't be ashamed to be yourself and if you are surrounding yourself around people that make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, then maybe you need to find some new people who are willing to accept you for who you are.



I don't know where the tendency to "down" yourself comes from (I guess the media). You should just accept the compliment when someone finds you attractive. Some people make excuses as to why you shouldn't find them attractive (which makes you unattractive, and I don't think it looks modest) and other people have to inform you of the things that you missed about their attractiveness..... This is another failure to me. Don't point out things you think I've missed about you, you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I've found myself wanting to divert attention away from myself when I receive compliments. I do it for various reasons, but the easiest thing to do is say thank you. If I don't find them attractive I just appreciate their good taste in men and move on.

If you are attractive then that's what you are. I hate that females feel like they have to be dressed up and have their face caked up with make up and what not just to feel beautiful. Beauty really does come from the inside and we men can sense your insecurities. If a man finds you attractive in your lounge clothes then accept that. That's the real you. That's the you that you feel comfortable with when no one is around looking at you and judging you. If a man can find you beautiful at your ugliest moment then, I think you may have found someone worth hanging around with.

I never really understood women who prance around in tight short dresses and make-up and whatnot just so they can grasp unneeded attention. They seem like the most insecure people to me. I never understand that. Why do you feel you have to have this to feel wanted? You are already wanted by someone who appreciates you. Someone who understand the real you and not just have a piece of you.

What's the point of rejecting the people who want to care for you and when "boo season" hits then you are left posting "lonely tweets" and randomly express your loneliness.

**"boo season" is the season when all insecure females feel lonely and have the desire to cuddle and be with someone simply because the temperature has dropped and no one really wants to be lonely around Christmas time**



The funny thing about not really embracing yourself and not wanting to be with people who are willing to embrace you is that you stay lonely. It won't matter if you are in a relationship or not because the fact that you don't want to be you or embrace all of you still leaves you lonely. Won't matter if you are married with three kids and a house on the hill, you will never really be happy. People don't focus on the right things when they are single, men or women.

Guys, we are just as insecure as women are and we can be just as emotional when things go bad. We are all humans and we all are born with emotion. I don't care how hard you act, when a women rejects you, you feel vulnerable for a second and when you start dissing her because your feelings are hurt, guess what? Yep, that's exactly what you are. Just accept the fact that your approach was weak or that she didn't find you attractive and move on.
Put your energy in picking your self esteem off the floor and not toward dissing her

I don't understand why some guys find it hard to accept that we are emotional too. I just know that if you don't express your emotions the right way you may find yourself having a break down one night in the wrong setting

Eventually the real you comes out. So you might as well put in the real work to embrace it and let people know who you are, especially the people you care about. Life is too unpredictable and why wait until you are 30 to wonder why you can't keep or find a mate? Take your singleness into stride, focus on more than hooking up and what you don't have cause at the end of the day you will always have yourself. I'd rather have a positive outlook on myself then a negative one. So I'm going to love who I am and what I have.

Peace,
VP