To Be A Woman: A Gift or a Curse

I have recently been reading a book titled, What Our Mothers Didn’t Tell Us: Why Happiness Eludes the Modern Woman written by Danielle Crittenden. She filled close to 200 pages, 191 to be exact, with an overly complicated theory about how feminism has robbed women of their essence…how feminism has thwarted the meaning of being “feminine.” While she made many good points, she also in my opinion, took the plight of the modern woman and turned it entirely too scientific. However, there were several points that she did make that opened my eyes, and have helped me to build upon my own theory. Let me expound… Crittenden states that woman’s problem lies in the fact that, “while we recognize that women are human, we blind ourselves to the fact that we are also women” (22) and goes on to the rhetorical idea that “it should strike us as strange, given the freedom we now enjoy, that happiness should continue to be so elusive” (24). My own thoughts tend to agree with hers as she makes the interesting recollection that, “in all the ripping down of barriers that has taken place over generations, we may have inadvertently also smashed the foundations necessary for our happiness” (25). The last quotation is the one that struck me most. Everyone knows too well the idea that the modern woman is striving, overzealously, towards becoming the equal to man. And just as known, is the consequential result that in seeking to be viewed as asexual, woman loses the essence of what makes her special. The problem is though that many people, Crittenden included, try to explain this slip in the female being with the wrong logic. I personally think there is no logic at all...because the problem is far from scientific. Our world has lost the meaning in which we were all created and thus, we will continue to argue what we have lost until we admit what we all need to find…Woman’s plight is spiritually based. You see, woman was created as a gift. We were made from man’s rib…created to be a companion, a nurturer, a compliment. The last mentioned purpose of our creation is what many of our generation have lost sight of, both men and women alike. I can write a whole separate piece about why men are perpetuating the ugly cycle of women losing their own sense of identities but I will leave that for another time. For now, I would like to speak to and for my ladies… Today’s media is filled with acknowledgements of just how far we as women have drifted from the simple essence of our beings. Literature, fashion, music and cosmetics are nothing but brutal realizations of what society feels is our calling, our duty, our responsibility and they speak loudly each and every day to women of all races, ages, creeds and beliefs. Magazines are covered with front page articles depicting what tips are needed to make us “sexual kittens” and how to “lose weight fast” while “making sure your neighbor doesn’t steal your husband.” In the same pages you will read about “how to become a better mother” and “how to embrace your sensuality.” A few years ago, songs such as Bills, Bills, Bills showcased lyrics about how women needed a man to pay for common necessities such as a telephone and a car. Today, that same idea is being repeated with women throwing their hands up when Teairra Marie’s Sponsor plays loudly through the club. But, in the same night, those same women chant with Lil’ Boosie about how they are I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T. The cosmetic industry sells soaps and creams to “erase your dark spots” and serums to “minimize laugh lines around your eyes.” Ironically, the aforementioned products sit directly next to products that boast about “celebrating effortless beauty” with “100% natural mineral products.” Crazy how such a clear contradiction in all forms of media is not even noticed by those who sing their lyrics, read their pages or buy and wear their products. This lack of attention, this follow-the-crowd mentality, is EXACTLY what I think lies as the basis for the female plight. We as women have a natural tendency to follow. Why though? Is it because we are weak? Is it because we have no mind of our own? Is it that we think our own ideas are inferior to the suggestions and rules laid forth by society or time? No! Women are natural followers because it is how we were created. We were molded, by God, to compliment and nurture man. Women need to re-accept this biblical law and simultaneously realize, that being a follower does NOT omit our own sense of lead. What are we trying to prove? Who really matters? What judgment counts most? And, why is it that we are so consumed with trying to make our point of being equal or better than man that we forget that we were created for man? Let me regress back to my earlier point. Women today are confused! Blame it on media, blame it on bad parenting, blame it on drugs and promiscuity. I blame it on a lack of spiritual guidance. We as women have gotten too far away from our roots, too far away from God! I have heard some argue that one will never understand what they are never taught. And, I agree that this is an indisputable logic when it comes to morality. Therefore, since very few of our parents are teaching us at a young age that we should value being women, we are faced with finding value in what society teaches. Instead of realizing the power and beauty of our ability to procreate, we are taught to practice safe sex and to please a man wholeheartedly by any means necessary to avoid losing him. Instead of being comfortable with the most challenging and likewise, most rewarding job out there—motherhood, we are taught that our paychecks must equal a man’s and that we are not to settle for anything less in an effort to not be judged as inferior to our male counterparts. Instead of celebrating that beauty comes in many shapes, sizes and colors, we are taught that beauty must be cosmetic, thin and most entirely, superficial. Regardless of what shapes your beliefs, you are what you believe in…. Therefore, if the belief and value of oneself is not fostered positively and fervently at a young age…then you never learn the value of thinking for yourself. And, as a result, you will subconsciously allow society to make decisions for your life and be held captive by their rules. We as women need to realize that we hold so much more power than society is willing to admit. But, a lot of that power lies in the challenge of being submissive. I am not saying that we need to reduce ourselves to the 1960’s when it was unheard of for a woman to hold a powerful corporate position. Matter of a fact, I believe that a lot of the ideas gained from the feminist movements over the years have gotten us to a point where we are probably the most intellectual of all prior generations. What we have lost though, is our spiritual knowledge. Let us not forget that in falling back a little every once in a while, we will actually make many strides forward. Let us cater to our men more often than not. Let us put value back into the stay-at-home-mom. Let us help those in need, even if the one in need is the “bitch next door.” Let us realize how beautiful we are, and how pointless face lift, hair dye and liposuction really is…Let us value what it is to truly be a woman. “How?” you might ask. Well, let us start where it all began...let us get back to God. Let us spend less time shopping for clothes to get noticed in while dancing in the clubs. Let us spend more time reading and praying and trying to get the attention of the one man that will never let us down. We are all promised a husband, when we start believing that, we’ll realize that the right man will see us for who we are—not how we look. Let us spend less time putting on make-up and fixing our hair so that we fit society’s expectations. Let us spend more time looking in the mirror and being thankful for our health, our blessings, our gifts…focusing on what we do have instead of what God didn’t give us. Trust me, we are all made in God’s perfect image, remembering that will save us all a lot of wasted time and money. Let us spend less time listening to artists and lyrics that demean our value as women. Let us spend more time celebrating the success stories of those women around us, filling our lives with positive dialogue and listening to and watching things that will challenge us both spiritually and intellectually. Let us spend less time tearing down the woman next to us and gossiping. Let us spend more time going to God when we have a problem instead of our girlfriend. Ten times out of ten HE will be right in his advice and you will never have to worry about ulterior motives or jealousy. Let us spend less time picking arguments and talking at times just to hear ourselves talk--fighting to have the last word. Let us spend more time listening to God rather than listening to ourselves. Let us spend more time learning to breathe…to stop and take a moment to reflect on what really matters…to value our eternity over our today. We as women have no harder of a role than that of man. We have no more strict or brutal expectations placed on us by society than our male counterparts. It is time we accept this equality of struggle and embrace our differences and trials due to those differences. However, we must not let our gifts become our curse. We must not let the natural urges to follow and be submissive cause us to follow or submit to those things or people that do not matter. We must keep our focus on love and away from lust, on partnership rather than power and on family rather than independence. It is when we realize the power of being a counterpart, that we will realize the capability and value of the TEAM for which we were created. When we take the focus off of ourselves individually, we will all see the bigger picture. They say that, “the whole is greater than the sum of its parts…” Thus, when we as women realize our gift as being a part of a whole, we shall realize the true value of our individual and unique being. We shall realize not only our purpose, but our responsibility to our future generations and more over, to the men that we were designed to nurture. We shall realize the beauty in properly following and the power in maintaining our own integrity, even when we are not in the lead….After all, it takes just as much strength to foster trust and follow as it does to lead...if not more so. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Lead from the back — and let others believe they are in front.

Nelson Mandela ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- _____________________________________________________________________________________ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- PHENOMENAL WOMAN Pretty women wonder where my secret lies I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size But when I start to tell them They think I'm telling lies. I say, It's in the reach of my arms The span of my hips, The stride of my step, The curl of my lips. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. I walk into a room Just as cool as you please, And to a man, The fellows stand or Fall down on their knees. Then they swarm around me, A hive of honey bees. I say, It's the fire in my eyes And the flash of my teeth, The swing of my waist, And the joy in my feet. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Men themselves have wondered What they see in me. They try so much But they can't touch My inner mystery. When I try to show them, They say they still can't see. I say It's in the arch of my back, The sun of my smile, The ride of my breasts, The grace of my style. I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. Now you understand Just why my head's not bowed. I don't shout or jump about Or have to talk real loud. When you see me passing It ought to make you proud. I say, It's in the click of my heels, The bend of my hair, The palm of my hand, The need of my care, 'Cause I'm a woman Phenomenally. Phenomenal woman, That's me. from And Still I Rise by Maya Angelou copyright © 1978 by Maya Angelou.