Self Reflection in September

So a couple of weeks ago, I took a vacation to visit my two wonderful friends and to witness them get married. As I spent my week with them, I evaluated my life and how everything is currently going. I started to think about all the things that the people in my life are going through and experiencing. I honestly feel like everyone… and I do mean EVERYONE around me is getting married or having kids or both. I couldn’t help feeling a little left out. It almost felt like I missed out somewhere… then I’d snap out of it to enjoy my week. It was crazy that I keep feeling like I was missing out on something in life. I felt like I had no purpose up there at times but we’d end up doing something then I would snap me out of it. It was a weird feeling. By the end of the week I was a little happy to be going back home to my normal routine. I thought the feelings I felt and the thoughts I had while I was in Virginia would fade away when I got back home. I don’t even know why I even tried to fool myself by trying to believe that… In other words, I was wrong.



This entire month has been crazy in my mind. Every week I get reminded that everyone around me is having babies or getting married. Everywhere I turn around someone is getting engaged, about 5 people at work have had babies this year, Jrome just welcomed his baby girl a few months ago, and on top of that I’ll be an uncle in about 5 weeks. All the babies in my universe is actually keeping me away from dating… not that I’m having sex or anything, I just feel like it’s a sign telling me to be careful and not jump into something, as stupid as that sounds. And the baby thing didn’t bother me until this past weekend when I went to see my brother. I felt kind of left out in the family in a sense because of this ordeal with him expecting his first born and my parents becoming grandparents. I really haven’t given the pregnancy a second thought until this weekend. I had this strange feeling like he stole something from me. It was crazy; this wave of spitefulness came over me. I’m the first born and I’ve been taking my time to “do things right.” Find the right person for me, establish myself at work and live on my own to experience the world around me and then settle down. It seems like I get criticized more than anything these days, while everyone is praising him and behind him while he is expecting his first born son. It was crazy because I love my brother to death, I’m proud of him, and I stand behind him in whatever he does (as long as it’s positive). It’s really exciting going through this with him and watching him step up to the plate as a father. Then he will probably be getting married within the next year too. Nothing but good things coming around the horizon and I had the audacity to feel jealous…. Its things like that that really make me mad at me. Glad I checked myself on that too, because that’s the same foolishness that leads me to read too much in my past and think of ways I could have salvaged my failed relationships with various people. Or carry feelings of resentfulness toward people who I love and who have done nothing to me.



It’s crazy that the pressure to reach that next level in life is affecting me like this. That’s my flesh and blood too. It told me a couple of things about myself though, both good and bad. I’m more aware of who I am as a person which means that I’ve grown a lot. It also showed me that I’m still not ready yet, but I’m ready to try to be ready for whatever life has for me around the corner. I just have to lower the walls that I’ve placed up. And I know that I wasn’t just jealous of him but I was jealous of everything around me too. My friends and family members having babies and getting married got to me. I keep having these feelings that I’m feeling left out. Everyone has the same thing to talk about and I don’t. I’ve always wanted to have a family too, so of course that’s the source of it all. I guess being surrounded by all this family building; I got a little discouraged based on my current situation. Which is silly to me, because why would I want to be in a rush to start a family? Like that’s going to make everything work out. I’m not ready for any of that yet. And I don’t want to struggle trying to provide for a family right now. I do not have the mentality for that right now. It’s almost like I see being single as a problem. But that’s not really the case though. I just want to be in a good and fulfilling relationship. It’s getting boring watching television and movies by myself, or trying to gather a bunch of people up to go somewhere. At the same time I’m still too set in my ways and selfish. I’m willing to set all that aside though. I’m willing to do all of this because I ultimately want a family so I believe that my time will eventually come. I’m not in a rush but that doesn’t mean that I can’t put myself out there as being available and approachable. Plus I do like getting to know people… cool people at least. And there is only a few ways I know to meet new people. The main thing about meeting new people is that you have to be approachable. No one likes being around someone who is too guarded. Then to meet that “special” person, you have to be in the right place at the right time and be open-minded with discernment. But really and truly if you practice discernment, then the location and time will fall into place.



Anyway, I thought I share a little personal tidbit about myself and how I currently feel in one way or another. At least how I understand how I feel at the moment. Like I tell everyone else, things will get better, but it starts with me first.

Congratulations to the Co-Bloggers/Statement to Our Readers

Man, we fell off like T.I.'s music career didn't we? And very similar to his career it was our fault and I'd like to take this time to apologize for not posting. It's not like we are burnt out on material to talk about... I seriously doubt that will ever happen. We started this blog to share our personal experiences and viewpoints with you guys and to be honest we underestimated the level of dedication it takes to maintain a blog. So we apologize, and we will do better at making sure that we give you some post on a consistent basis. It won't be on a week to week basis but we will try to deliver them to you on a consistent basis.

On that note, it's not like we haven't been doing anything in our 7-8 month absence. We have been living our lives. We are all in our mid twenties after all, and as you all may know or not know, your 20's are a pretty crucial time in life. It's when you started actively taking strides in being the person you were meant to be (or want to be). For most of us this means and includes starting a family and getting into your career. I've done my congratulations on a number of occasions to my friends and co-bloggers but I want to officially congratulate them from the blog.

This year Jrome has been preparing for the arrival of his first born child. I'm quite sure that he will be telling us about how it feels to have her in his life right now and how he is viewing life now as a father to a beautiful baby girl. I'm happy that my boy gets to experience love and joy on a entirely new playing field. I know he'll be a great father and I can't wait to she how he handles this change in his life.

Gevar just recently got hitched to one of our guest writers, Memorie. I'm excited about all my people's milestones in life, but this one is something I did not want to miss at all, maybe because I feel like i had a nice part in this union. I mean, I did introduce them to each other, but i of course can't take all of the credit, if any really because they made it happen and I'm proud of them. I pray they have a wonderful life together, I truly believe they will. HOPEFULLY G will be bringing us some insight on his first year of marriage and the things he has and is experiencing. It would be very refreshing and I'm sure you guys would love to read about what he has to say.

What about me you ask? Well, everything is pretty much on cruise control right now. Except I will be an uncle in a couple of months, not a drastic life changing experience like marriage and a child but who knows, maybe I'll get a dog and share how it feels to be a dog owner.... I'm slightly kidding. I've actually started trying to date again, so prepare yourselves for some pretty funny, sad and interesting blog post from me because i will be attempting to share my experiences and you guys will have to bare with me as i get a little personal about my life.

So, I hope you guys are still with us and continue to journey on through life with us and our opinions. As always please comment and share, we love insight.

"I Can Change" (For You)

The other night i sat with a friend and had a long talk about relationhips and dealing with all that can come with it: Drama, children, truth, growth, expectations, needs. With all relationships you have to deal with those topics and questions that qeustion, Where is this going? What do you expect out of this? What do i want out of this? Do we have a future or is this just for now? At the end of our conversation we realized that there are plenty of answers... if you have the right mindset to accpet them. Im a strong believer in flat out honesty. If my intentions with a person are simply for a physical purpose, i have no shame in saying so. If i hope for more than just a physical relationship i have no problem in letting it be known. Some people i can only view as a friend and though they may want more i have no problem being up front to say it wont happen. That honesty is something i think we (people in general) have gotten away from, we spend so much time playing "the game" that when it comes to being honest we tend to lie to ourselves. We lie to ourselves about what we want so we won't have to be alone. We lie to ourselves about who we really like to avoid being "shot down". We lie to ourselves about what will compliment us in our drive to do more, be more, earn more, in order to be content with someone who does us wrong. I have listened to plenty of friends complain about their relationships, complain about the lies, the cheating, the distrust, the unwillingness to work together to be happy. No relationship is perfect, they all require time, focus, and patience. So many of us want to find "Love" now that we overlook what being happy really is. I am quick to tell people, "you can't be happy with someone else until you are happy with yourself." I live by it, believe it, and allow it to benefit me. If you can't wake up in the morning happy because of what you are doing and striving for, how can you expect someone else to do the same? If you hate the person you are, why would the person you are with like it? Ex.: If a friend constantly tells you how bad their job is, all the excess work they do, how they are under paid, how the managers never acknowledge the accomplishments... why would you want to get a job there? The partnership that we call a relationship has lost the focus of what it actually is. It seems to be two people that tend to "care" for each other being "together" yet not paying attention to the others needs, personality, tendencies. We usually want to change someone into the person we envision ourselves with whether it be a childhood hope or things you've learned from past relationships. Rarely do we just accept the person for who they are, accept their flaws their likes and dislikes. Nothing in this world is perfect, but that doesn't mean you can't strive for perfection. I know i will probably catch flak for this but i will say it anyway... a relationship can be looked at like a business contract......

WHOA!!!

Whoa!!

whoa...!

before you snap just wait a second let me explain... I say this because a business contract has rules and regulations or else it becomes void (just like any respectable relationship). Each side takes on the plus and minus of the other with full understanding (atleast that which is told... like most relationships). Both sides agree to benefit off of each others success and support each other in the case of down fall to an extent (just like every common relationship). There are things that each business keeps to themselves as apart of remaining independant yet a majority is shared (just like most relationships should). If the contract at any point is broken both parties can walk away or try to agree to new terms (just like most relationships no days NEED lol). Now back to what i was saying... some find it offensive that i compare "love" to "business contract" but why? Both you want a level of understanding, reasonable expectations, basic honesty, free will, with hopes of overall growth and success for both parties. Is it a simple way of looking at it.... YES but in a day in age where simple things seem to confuse college graduates... maybe we need to take it to a elementary level. Theres nothing wrong with a basic simple way of looking at things... sometimes you have to start simple to get complex. Most relationships that end bad or end at all is out of disrespect for anothers choices or beliefs. I look at it as the "I can change him/her" as the most common lie to ourselves. Myself, i know im stubborn and somewhat set in my ways, I'm a true Taurus, yet i know i cant change anyone. If asked will i try to guide them yes because if its help you want and i can provide a helping hand i will try. Yet, I know when going into any situation, relationship, discussion, i cant change your mind nor do i plan to i just hope to show that there are other ways. Love is not simply a phone call, it's not just a kiss, not just a word, its a combination of actions and feelings, its a compromise. Too often when we try to change someone when lose oursleves, change is a choice. When you focus so much on changing someone you start to lose the thing that makes you worth while in being with. If you focus all the good in you on the bad in someone else both will fade. Becoming a better person in life is something they have to do for themselves, you can show them the path but you cant walk it for them. Honesty and communication are easily the most important things in any relationship. How you do these things may vary but keeping the lines open can make anything successful, with a little hard work, trust, and understanding. You can't change me... but i can change... for you!(25 weeks smoke free!)