When Keeping It Real Goes Wrong

"Imma do me!"

"I am who I am!"

"Love me or leave me!"

How often in the span of 24 hours do you see, hear, or even speak variations of these words?  We want to stay true to ourselves at all times, which is vital to our happiness, but just like anything else in life we must have balance. I think it has become more of a defense mechanism and a self-affirmation to spew these words out every time we are challenged in our way of thinking or living. Standing your ground is important, but how much is too much? When does keeping it real go wrong?

If our feet are planted at all times, it ensures that we can't be pushed down or moved backwards, but also ensures that we can make no forward progress. Being that most of us like to believe that we embrace change in our lives, sticking to our guns too much in life can prove to be counterproductive to our growth. We all need people around us who uplift and encourage our individualism, but also challenge us to be better in certain areas. In my opinion, those are the best types of relationships. Don't let pride or fear of growth rob you of beneficial relationships in your life. Take it as a blessing to have people who extract you from your comfort zone every now and then.


In our relationships, a lot of us like to take on the "Love me or leave me" mindset. I understand it being used for people who choose to judge unfairly from a distance, but not for those who are closest to us. Just because someone cares for you doesn't mean they agree with everything you're about. Sometimes we know for a fact that there are things about ourselves that we would like to change to make us better individuals ultimately improving our relationships. Sadly, it is easier to say "He/She just couldn't handle me." as justification, rather than use that person to help us make the first steps toward making that necessary change.



Granted there are some relationships that just aren't meant and certain situations can't work, but if you find yourself being left more than loved maybe you need to get a "handle" on yourself and re-evaluate your mindset. Check your ego and find a way instead of finding an excuse. Maybe your deliberate refusal to embrace positive change is pushing people away. If you want a certain type of individual in your life, first make sure you possess the same qualities that you are looking for. If you haven't reached that level yet, how can you possibly live your life on the defensive, wanting good things to happen? Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to grow, afraid to change.

It is a fundamental law of attraction that like attracts like. Whatever you have, or are, you attract more of. If we truly want to change for the better, then we should change our thoughts and our words because they become who we are. In other words, our dominant thoughts are what attract the people and the circumstances in our lives.


It's your life and you created it, which means you have all the power to change it, for better or for worse. Don't get too comfortable with who you are (or who you think you are) at any given time. Who wants to stay the same for forever? That's not living, that's death for all intents and purposes.

The Wackness: Thinking Like A Man

... And stop worrying about trying to think like the opposite sex...

I have no idea where the idea "that in order to get a man you have to think like a man" came from. I hear females lay claim to having a male mentality or have the ability to think like a man at least once a week. Where did the statement, "I think like a man, so I know the game" come from? Why is it that only single, can't find a man, can't keep a man, borderline bitter females over use this statement?

How can you seriously believe that you can think like a man?

I know that the comedian, Steve Harvey, wrote a book entitled, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man. I'm not attacking the book right off. I also have not read the full content of the book, so you can ride my comments off as ignorance if you want. I just don't agree with the approach, from the title's perspective and the initial content of the book, which has to cater to the title. I have problems with books like this because the reader absorbs the advice and opinions of one person on how to approach and treat an entire sex and race as a whole. To me, the key to a relationship is to just get to know the other person. Really spend the time to try and get to know them. There is no timetable to adhere to or some trick to use when it comes to forming a relationship. Every one develops and grows at different paces and you just have to understand that. You thinking like a man is a waste of time, and it is not going to get you a man or allow you to understand all of us as a whole when it comes to relationships.

I personally feel like a woman will never be able to think like a man and we don't want you to, at least I don't.

I can't stand for a woman to make claims that she can thinks like a man. Every time a woman says something like this she turns around and does, says and believes something that a male mentality would most commonly not do, say or believe. Why claim that you have the mentality then at the same time be completely confused about the situations you place yourself into? In the confusion of these situations you start claiming that men are confusing. Did I miss something? I thought you thought like us? The reason you are confused is because you are confused about what you want in a man. In my observation, the only reason that a woman would claim to be able to think like a man is so that she doesn't get hurt again.

Yes, I said hurt again. I have seen and heard too many women claim male mentalities after they have gotten their feelings hurt in some relationship they were in or thought they were in. In their minds they believe that adapting a male mentality will help prevent them from feeling or being hurt again. The reality of the situation is that they shouldn't have been in that relationship to begin with.

One of the sad things about trying to adapt the mentality of a man is that you are hurting yourself on a couple of levels. Instead of having or developing a positive male mentality, they develop one based on how they feel they were treated by by the person who hurt them. It bothers me that women view men as these detached and emotionless beings, when that isn't the case at all. That mentality right there lets me know that these women have no idea what a real man is. That kind of upsets me. Men are just as emotional as women are; only we place our emotions in other things. Everyone in the world does this. No two women think exactly the same and no two men think exactly the same either. Everyone has a different idea of love, relationship, commitment, etc. and the best way to know how that person feels or thinks about these topics is to ask them straight up and form a real relationship with them. One based on understanding and truth and not games and lies.

On the other hand, what if a man walked around stating that he had the mindset of a woman? Most women would instantly reject him and his statements. They would one up with a. List of questions that would challenge and destroy his claims. I don't know one man that claims to think like a lady or wants to think like a woman. I know some that understand their spouse, but that's not the same thing as thinking like them. However, we all know that double standards don't apply to women if it's not in their favor.

Every time a female claims to have a male mentality, to me, it makes her look ignorant and a little desperate. It makes her look desperate cause she feels like she has to fit in somewhere. She desires some sort of attention and a little bit of justification. It makes her look ignorant, because the way she wishes to act is the way she views men. If you want to lay claim to having a male mentality, then what kind of mindset do you have? Do you want to think like a "dog" or a man? If you hold the mindset of a womanizing, emotionally detached, or commitment avoiding stereotypical man, then that's exactly what you are going to unwillingly (but willingly) be surrounded by. Common sense would imply that you develop the mentality of the man that you would like to be with, if you want to make these claims. I want to be with a certain type of woman, so I have to stay focused and maintain the mentality that is necessary going to attract this certain type of woman (in theory at least). I don't have to try to get over on people or force myself into accepting certain things to feel accepted and respected.

The reality of it all is that, you don't have to think like a man in order to get one. Real women realize that this "game of love" is not a game. There are no special ways to prevent you from getting hurt, used or whatever. Confidence in yourself attracts men. Good judgement and knowledge weeds out the good men from the bad ones. SO, make better decisions when it comes to relationships. Have a realistic idea of what a real man is. We are out there.

** I have not read either one of the books that I have displayed. I figure if you read one you should read the other.

Has BET fallen off... Or are we just gettin OLD?!

Jrome:

To answer my own question... NAAAAAHHHHH

I know i aint that old... but then again.......... well lets see whats changed?

Still play music videos? yea, only not the 6-16hrs it used to be.... still got up to date news? yea, only when its breaking news or sumbody just died.... still got relevant music playing? yea,........ wait.... nah, fuck dat, when music can be "too intelligent"(shouts out to Little Brother) for the audience you have failed at LIFE... are the hosts entertaining? ok i gotta say AJ wasnt the "coolest" host but 106th n park NOW?! on that "Shawt Bus Shawty" swag(<---i hate that word but... its relevant right now).

To take one from the late MJ "do you remember the time..." when you fell in love with all BET had to offer... even the news show if you didnt watch it... BET was the MOST relevant black network on TV hands down... if there was something going on and you didnt know how you felt, if you could read between the lissssssssssssssp of Tavis Smiley you were GOOD. If there was a hot new up and coming artist rock with Tigga (my niiiiiggaaaaa) in the Basement. wanna see a fine n natural chick check out FREE on 106th..... o yea forgot her sidekick AJ....... but on to bigger and better names. I can remeber when i got my 1st taste of Kast via the Basement, i was on em before then but to see them ackin a fool was great... i remember when Roc-A-Fella came through to announce Beanie being part of the crew and that began a HUGE NY movement... or how bout when the RUFF RYYYYYYDAAAAAZ came thru you just knew X was gonna kill tha mic... you got introduced to new videos as well as old all in the same 1-2hr and it was perfect... remember Cita the digital VJ... nigga WHAT!?! cant tell me you aint love watchin that BOOTLEG animation intro the hottest of the week, month, year, and past... the tributes that station put on after the deaths of Pac, Biggie, Left Eye, Aaliyah and more... o and i cant forget............... the one show that got dudes in trouble and introduced some to the true fakeness of the female body......... UNCUT VIDEOS!!! that was the one thing you would watch and hear music u aint not never(yea i said it) heard in LIFE... and you got to see a booty shake like never before... you know PRE-SKRIP CLUB age lol.....

With all that said the thing i remember most is the balance... got to hear sum crunk wit lil john and the cash money movement, yet got to hear some street intelligence with mos def and common, intro'd me to the crack game viz Jay-Z, and kept me Gangsta and throwin up WEEESTSIIIIIIIIIIIDE with Ice Cube, Mack 10 and WC, kept it funky with krazy joints from the Dungeon Family(OutKast, Goodie MoB, and many more) and kept it soulful with Dru Hill, Boys II Men, Jodice, and SOOOOOOO many more, gave the women a voice with Queen La, Lil Kim, Foxy B, Charlie Baltimore and the "youn know nann" trina... i just miss the Good about ya but i guess every dog has its day.... unfortunately its Waka Flocka Lame..... sigh..... i jus want the one who made me fall in love wit music


GB:

Call me an oldhead if you want, I'll take that. But BET has fallen off AND we're getting old. I remember being about 8 and my cousin asking me if I had seen this new station that was catered to just "us" and apparently had just been added to Charter's lineup. lol...It was channel 84 I think at the time. I turned to it immediately and saw (I think it was ) "Slam" by Onyx.



"B-B-B-BUT WAIT IT GETS WORSE!!!!!" ......Still gets me hype til this day lol

I remember days when I could spend my whole day watching BET and actually still feel good (if not better) about myself at the end of it all. There was something for everybody. Let's run through the lineup from back when it was more of a COMPLETE network:

• Video Soul - Played all the slow jams and R&B joints. With THE man as the host.....Donnie Simpson. Enough said.

• Caribbean Rhythms - straight reggae music. Hosted by one of my first crushes....the beautiful Rachel. 
• Teen Summit - I loved this show because it dealt mainly with issues that young black kids were facing which I could relate to being well........young and black.
• Rap City - My favorite show on the network. Everyday I was glued to the tv from 4:30-6:00. It's not even important to mention a host because honestly all of them were good. What I liked about Rap City was the balance it had. You could tell that the show was truly about hip hop and not about the latest trend or fad. They gave EVERYBODY shine.
• BET News.....most people turned their tv's off by the time this came on but I appreciated that they cared enough to not only entertain the viewers but also inform them. Plus Ed Gordon is the man.
• BET Jazz - Probably my 2nd favorite show on the network. It came on after BET News and I would stay up just for it....sometimes just so I could fall asleep to it. I loved jazz even before I loved hip hop so I was a huge fan of the show

These days, BET has reduced itself to Black Embarrassment TV.....it's terrible. They don't even show music anymore besides 106 and 70% of the time that is a joke. No shows to uplift and enlighten the people other than the specials that they have every now and then....for special occasions. I think the last program I actually looked forward to seeing on BET was "Hip Hop Vs. America". The network as a whole is dead to me ever since they sold out to keep up with the Jones'. I remember walking into my sister's room everyday and seeing this poster on her closet door and feeling proud to have a network that catered to me:

Those days are long gone though I suppose. Now the network is saturated with "reality" shows with no purpose, bad movies, and lame attempts to recapture the rapport that they once had. Everything runs its course and nothing lasts forever, but I'm glad I was able to experience the network in it's heyday.

R.I.P. BET

(1980 - 2000something)