Happy Valentine's Day 2012

Its been a while hasn't it?


I know this may not be the best time to make a post on the blog, but it's Valentine's Day. The day we set aside to celebrate love. The day that couples frolic around. A day where bitter singles like to fast forward through as if this day carries more sting than the other lonely days. A day were thirsty (desperate) females have been passing out thirst flyers in the past couple of weeks for.

(thirst flyer: open invitations on their social network feeds and blogs advertising that they are single and would like a gift or some shallow comfort for the day because a girl should never spend Valentine's Day alone (single)).
That's a little ridiculous isn't it? I laugh every time I see some girl advertise her singleness and displeasure in spending Valentine's day alone. It's not that big a deal. You spent yesterday single and you'll spend tomorrow single. And why do people associate with single with being alone. I do not feel alone when I'm single, but then again I don't put myself under people to feel better about myself. But these same people will claim they don't need to be under some dude to make themselves feel better..... but yet you are advertising for a date on the 14th. It's not always about being with some one either, some people just want stuff. Just stuff. Candy, gift card, pampering, or attention they have no intention of showing back....

But any way...

Valentine's day has become a very big deal to our culture. It's pretty big to the point where it's a little ridiculous. Some people take this day way too far and some people just do little simple things and keep it moving. For the most part (IN MY OPINION) females take this day way too far and based on my observations the ones that care too much about this day also tend to be the same ones that do the absolute bare minimum.

I hear sayings like "if he doesn't get you anything for Valentine's Day then he doesn't care about you" and stuff along that lines but at the same time I don't really know a lot of times when a dude receives the same effort he puts into giving his girl a Valentine's Gift or experience. Then when you bring that up the argument switches to "well Valentine's Day is for the ladies, not the men" wrong. Valentine's day is suppose to be a day set aside to celebrate romance and love (so I thought). So where in love and romance does it say that only females need to be romanced and loved? That's the problem to me. It's a one sided street. But it doesn't really just begin and stop on Valentine's Day either. It doesn't apply to everyone across the board either.

I'm not bitter about Valentine's day, a least I don't think I am. *insert forced laugh* but seriously. I haven't had a great Valentine's experience that I can remember so this day means nothing to me and it's hard for some people to acknowledge that. Everyone of my Valentine's experiences as an adult have been duds. Not gonna go into details and my co-blogger Gevar is probably laughing right now at one particular experience, or shaking his head, or both actually. But things happen like that. You plan something cool and then the next thing you know you're waking up on the living room floor with an empty champagne bottle in your hand, your head spinning and Shaq is getting interviewed.....

Moving on....

Valentine's day is cool and all but please don't let this day be the day that you actually display your love for one another. Do it everyday. And displaying your love does not include gifts all the time. If that's the only way you display love then you have seriously missed the boat. I know it may be too late this year but dudes, don't go breaking your neck to do something outstanding for a girl who won't do the same for you. Spread the love today. If you are bitter about this day just smile anyway. Give yourself a hug and keep it moving. This day is reserved for love and you don't have to be in a relationship to love some one you care about. You don't even have to wait on this day to say you love them.

Well I hope everyone has a happy Valentine's Day. I'm gonna sit back and read my Twitter and Facebook feed on the complaints for this day and the read what the bitter people have to say. It's always entertaining.
 

You Know I Keep That White Girl... AYE!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHH SNAP!!! I guess its about time to try n ruffle some feathers....... so what better topic than the infamous Interracial Dating topic... cause we all have feelings views and opinions or what is right/wrong/otherwise.... so let git it crackin!!!

I hear people on both sides of the fence say why they would/wouldn't date out of their race. I've heard parties make extremely valid points as why they (specificly) would/wouldn't. I've heard valid points of the struggle of relationships and the added struggle of an interracial relationship. There's the constant dirty looks, questions, and misconceptions of the relationship. There is even the battle with family and friends over the relationships. My question is and will always be, what is the cost of being happy?

You can look down on an interracial relationship because it's not how you were raised and it may not be something you completely understand. It could be the thought of, "how will my family see this?", "What will we have to endure around our friends?", "What trouble could this cause when we go out?", "If we have children how will it affect them?" Yet you can also see the light in the situation, "I really love this person!", "Our families support us reguardless.", "Our kids can benefit from learning both backgrounds.", "Who Cares what everyone else thinks aslong as we care for each other."

Too often we worry so much about what everyone else is doing we forget to ask, "are they happy?" I have been around interracial relationships since i was little, so my introduction was somewhat of a good one. Although, I had many people around me that weren't FOND of the idea yet, they accepted it because the couple was happy. My views on the topic are not solely from an outsider as well i have been in a relationship with someone out of my race. Yet, In a day and age when "race" is mainly decided by skin color who can really say that they are/aren't dating outside their race? If i trace down my ancestors im sure there may be a few "suprises" along the way but i know in general terms i am a "Mutt"(African, Caucasian, Native, French) lol. Honestly how many of you are MUTT? (do research i'll wait)......

I've had many male friends say, "man i wont every mess with a white girl!" Only to have a change of mind (days, weeks, months, years) later to come back and say, "man i dont know why i never did!" Not to say if you have never, "gone white you not doing right", but to say never limit your options. Its a big world with alot of people there is no reason to think the people within a 50 mile radius are the only ones that you can talk to. Sometime you have to venture out to find happiness. We say, "Sky's the limit", yet for some reason we tend to limit who we can/can't date who we will/won't marry because of race.

(Stepping off soap box for a min): I'm not trying to change your mind on who you will and won't date just trying to change your view of how you look at those who do... now...

(Stepping back up on soapbox): Let's get back to it...

I have seen many couples make it past the, "dating", phase and proud of my little sis who has and is still happily married and with a child. I think there is a major misconception that it is only dating or only rich/famous black men date interracially when it's so far beyond that. For decades there have been interracial marriages and relationships and you would think by now we would be alot more accepting of people finding happiness. Who are we to judge someone who has found happiness?

YET........ there are those who feel like, "i only date (_ given race and sex _)", that i can understand people looking at with the side eye not because they are wrong but they possibly have a prejudice of those they "won't" date. I don't mind someone saying they are only attracted to their race when thats all they know, but when you down your own race thats when I mind. I have known a few famles/males of all races that feel that their race of men/women is not... hmm.... "adequate" for them to date. Which makes me wonder if they themselves feel they are adequate or are they taking a step down to date outside their race? Not to say that they are stepping down but what is their feeling of their race of men/women? True you could have had some bad relationships with a certain race but that doesnt mean all will be bad. (STOP... thats another blog)

We have come too far on this journey for equality to stop ourselves from looking at people for who they are, as opposed to what they are. Sadly we still judge people for the same prejudices they had decades before our generations. They fought for equal rights and we fight because, "why he gotta be with that white bitch?" Today is a day of acceptance, if he/she is not with you because they are with someone out of their race be happy that they are happy. Not everything is meant to be and if its not then be happy for that other person and find your own happiness wether it be in or out of your race. Don't worry so much about everybody else's life and decisions when you can only affect and change your own.

Life is short find your happiness.

side note: i could go in SOO much harder but yall aint ready...

Mr. I'ma Get Sniped!

Defined

• Best Friend - the one friend who is closest to you.
• Friend - a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
• Associate - a person who is admitted to a subordinate degree of membership in an association.
• Acquaintance - a person known to one, but usually not a close friend.

Too often i hear people say, "I don't have any good girl/guy friends." For the longest it bothered me to hear this. WHY? Because, we all have friends good and bad yet the problem is not the "friend" it's how you view the status of that relationship. We tend to try to give everyone a title of "friend" when we should infact break that down to sub-categlories. Not because people can't be a good friend, instead to say not everyone SHOULD be trusted from day one. We are brought up with the belief to "love all Gods children", which i agree with but that doesnt mean everyone should be given a title to lose, rather one to gain.

With most..... better yet with all of my friendships each person has had to earn certain titles. Some titles im a little more lenient with (ex. my bro/sis's girlfriend/boyfriend), because they are close with the ones i care about most. Although, that title can fade with given relationship if one doesn't build outside of said relationship. I have been through many friendships, gained trust, lost trust, gained "family", and lost strong relationships, because thats what it tkes to find life long friends. I enjoy having the friends i have near or far because i know at the end of the day that love and support is always there. If i were to tell someone i have had the same basic core group of friends for going on 15yrs, they probably would scoff at it. Amazingly enough its true, give or take a few.

To build a strong relationship you have to build trust. (Trust - the obligation or responsibility imposed on a person in whom confidence or authority is placed.) People tend to give trust to everyone they meet, which i REFUSE to do, because they feel ts the RIGHT thing to do. I on the other hand give nothing and expect nothing until a certain status is earned. Do i have trust issues? YES. Although in m eyes that makes the relationships i have that much stronger because every ounce of it was earned in one way or another.

I find it funny we are so willing to open up to those we call friends much earlier than those we call our companions. We make companions work for every little bit and give "friends" passes on much more. Why not expect the same from both parties? How about askng yourself this? (read below)

• Are you willing to take more crap from a friend or a companion?
• Would you prefer a friend lie to you or lover?
• Do you expect more out of our friends or the one you want to spend you life with?
• Does it hurt more to a good friend or a good lover?
• Is the flaw of a friend more acceptable than the flaw of your significant other?

I ask myself those questions regularly when considering both friends and loves. I guess when you are really ready to find those life-long friends you will challenge them like you do anything you expect to be life-long. Until then you can't be mad at them because you trusted them and gave them a title they never wanted/deserved.

Love, live, laugh yall.

My Brief Track Record

The other day, I get an email saying that I was tagged to a picture. One of my 4thgrade classmates posted a picture of our 4th grad class at the state capital. The first memory that came to my mind was recess time (I really want to give Mr. Lawry the credit for me wanting to run track). Before recess we would walk to the side of the building and Mr. Lawry would line up the class and he would race all of us to the edge of the building. I loved it. I loved racing.(Everyone remembers the foot races they use to have at the skating rink. I use to enjoy that more than actually skating). If you know what it feels like to do something better than everyone else, then you know how I felt when I destroyed everyone in my class. Rounding out elementary school and entering middle school was a little awkward for me. I didn’t think I fit in anywhere (the only place I felt I fit in for real was in the country at my grandmother’s house). I felt like no one paid me any attention. Felt like I was just drifting through my life. So in 7th grade I joined the outdoor track team (should have done indoor, but I was reluctant to join the team). I went out thinking that I was going to be the best athlete out there. I wasn’t. I seriously doubt anyone paid me any attention. I wasn’t a stand out runner. My dad helped with that. He had me up everyday running at least a mile, some days with dumbbells and ankle weights. He always wanted us to be the best that we could be. So the next year when I went out for the indoor team, I was not only stronger, but I was faster. Apparently I still wasn’t fast enough, so Coach Barnett pulled me over to the side and told me that I wasn’t going to be fast enough to hang with my other friends and wanted me to try hurdles. That day was the introduction to my new life. Running track became awesome. I would describe it like after Peter Parker was bitten by the spider and found out that he could do some pretty cool stuff. Track was my purpose, my confidence, my acceptance, my heart, my pain, my joy…. Track became my passion. I use to go to school feeling like a no body. I was another student in the halls. Once I found my niche in track, I didn’t care that I was ignored by everyone who thought they were better than me, because I was respected by the ones that knew what I was capable of. It was kind of funny.

I loved running. Track helped me accept my feelings and gave me an outlet to express them. Running helped clear my mind everyday. Sometimes it felt like I was running away from my past, but I was really running toward my future. Running gave me hope. I felt free from everything I struggled with. It was the greatest feeling in the world, even when I was completely out of breath and cramping up. When my muscles were so sore I thought I wouldn’t be able to walk the next day. It just helped me deal with a lot of things, mainly my aggression. I even thought I’d run forever, until I pulled my muscle and had to go through rehab. That was the first time that I felt vulnerable as a runner. I’m glad Ihad some good trainers; they helped me through that injury and kept me focused and encouraged.

Gevar and I talk about high school track all the time.Those were the best times of my life. The victories and defeats, the trips, the hard practices, everything about it was a great experience. When we go down memory lane, I find it funny how I felt more respected and accepted by guys from other schools than I did from most people at my own school. I was glad too, it kept me humble.

I was happy with running until I went to college. It was fun until I kept getting hurt. I think my first season waswhen I started to get depressed. It wasn’t the same anymore, I just felt like I was getting pushed out of my world, and I was. I spent every year worrying about who was going to come in and replace me. I had never thought like that before. I would think about the day when I got a phone call from the coach telling me that they didn’t need me anymore but I could still come out and practice. That day came too. They released me. The team replaced me with another runner. I guess I don’treally blame them. It’s about money anyway and I couldn’t put up the times they wanted. Why not? I would do the same to anyone if I was in charge. It just feels different when it’s you. When I left, no one cared anymore, I half expected them to, after all they were still doing what they enjoyed. I had finally woken up from my wonderful dream. I knew it would end one day, but I didn’t imagine it would end like it did. After I was released from the team I felt like I had to search for another means to feel like I existed. I wanted to find another purpose, but everything reminded me of track. Hell, the only reason I was at that school was because of track. I was laid off with no severance package. It was a terrible feeling. I just wanted to fill the void in my life, but what I chose to fill that void wasn’t something I was really dedicated to. Not like I was with running.

Eventually I didn’t even want to run anymore. Running made me think about track. Running wasn’t as relaxing as it use to be. I started to get moody and eventually it all started to go seriously bad. I came home for the summer and my dad encouraged me to get back to what I use to love to do. He believed that it would help my mentality. It had been a while since I got up at 5 and ran. That first day was TERRIBLE. I did take a complete year off. So it was hard. I toughed it out though. All the memories came back: the pain, the joy, the freedom, and the appreciation. I kept this up for about a month and I started to feel better about myself and everything around me. The last day that I actually ran or stepped foot on a track was 2 years ago, the day after an old teammate died. I don’t know why I don’t run anymore. It’s not because of his death. I think it’s come down to the fact that I have no desire to do what I loved to do anymore. One day though, one day soon, I’ll get up and relive those memories again and come to terms with the fact that Ican’t go back to the past. I can’t take back what I lost.But I can’t run toward that future. If it’s one thing I learned from running, it’s that I can’t do anything about what I did or didn’t do yesterday, but I can do my best today. Make your day today and stop putting off the things that you love because of the setbacks you experienced in life.Regret is never a good look

-VP

The Nice Guy/Good Girl Syndrome...

The other night i after talking to a friend she told me, "you really are a nice guy... wow", now i've always prided myself on breing a gentleman, being respect full and caring of those around me (especially females). Perhaps it was due to the fact that i was raised by such a strong and proud black woman, or because i saw the effect of "being a player" at such a young age, or maybe just because i was taught respect of people by my father. No matter what it was i have always cared for those close to me and showed them that not only in actions but words. Yet for a long time i went on being single while wanting that meaningful relationship with someone who i could spoil and be spoiled by, yet everytime i thought i was getting to that point i would notice that someone has hit a hard left on me n said "you are such a nice/good guy and thats y i like you" but that is where the potential ended. i was place behind the "bars of friendship" and wondering WTF happened between c-w when a-z was going so right. I continuously thought maybe im too nice, maybe im a push over, but quickly came to the sense that... no its because she likes "bad boys" and a majority of the time i was not wrong... i was usually dead on! They go from talking to me to a guy that is disrespectful and prolly cheatin on em (this has been the case with a good 75%). i never got mad at them or turned my back on them i just decided to chill out in tha friend zone and be just that, a good friend. Time and time again i ran into the same situation until i finally said "F**K IT!", i refuse to be the good guy. I instead chose to be the "Bad Boy" that women all seem to love... only to find myself not liking the idea 5 days into it and reverted back to being the only thing i could be... ME, real, blunt, caring, respectful, loving. Yea so i went through my fair share of having people attempt to walk ALL over me, possibly self inflicted, but why change what i admire about myself so much.

1.He isn't needy and clingy; wishy washy. He doesn't get pussy whipped. He wants that relationship with her, but he will also leave her at any time if she doesn't get rid of the attitude. He can take and leave them at any time. 2.He has no problem telling a beautiful woman to kiss his ass if she is acting like a bitch with an attitude, whether she is a stranger or not. 3.He doesn't do everything a woman asks him to do. She is not ALWAYS right. 4.He gives her hell once in a while, he tells her what he thinks when she does dumb things�but, he does it in moderation, and in a constructive way. 5.He makes his own decisions in his life. He is not indecisive. 6.He doesn't let people walk over him, even his boss. He will tell his abusive boss to shove it, and he will then go get another job, even if it means moving to another town or city. He is a confident, take-charge kind of a man, like a man should be.

Props to Perry Rose for this. Many of my close friends have been through the same, why because i surround myself with many of those respectful type of guys who actually care about others without having to force it. I also find myself with many of the "bad boy" types as well i guess it gives me views of what is good to be and what is not. If being called a good guy for us is a bad thing i guess its a path down the wrong road we will enjoy... in a sense i guess we're "BadBoys 4 Life" On the flipside females are expected to be the "good girl" but rarely do we give them credit for actually being that. I have a very close friend who i admire her in her quest to remain a virgin until marriage(yes 25 yrs and counting). Alot of times we dont hear the term "good girl" and truely believe that said person is a good girl. We tend to assume (buulshit) that its all a lie/game. How can there actually be a such thing as a good girl when you have soo many giving up out like balloons on free balloon day. Now to say she is a "good girl" doesnt have to mean she is a virgin but it is assumed that she would be to deserve such a title. I stay around what i consider "good girls" (not because of their virginity or lack there of but) because of the person they are and what they would/could bring to a relationship. Jay-Z said, "you can turn a bad girl good but once a good girl has gone bad she's gone forever". Honestly i cant complain with that, for the females who hear guys say i used to be a good guy, and for the guys who hear chicks say i used to be a good girl think about this... Most guys only need 1 girl to do them dirty for them to be the "Shadiest Player to ever walk this earth", most females go through 2-5 guys to do them wrong before they become the "Evil One". (please note if i get sniped for this... its cuz its true... niggas might get mad) Most if not all guys start out as "Good Guys" a.k.a. Hopeless Romantics just as much as girls tend to be caught in the marriage fantasy, Difference is most guys really do wear their heart on their sleeve for that 1st love/crush and depending on how that ends can effect their whole life. I know of some who were simply destroyed by their first major relationship and ever since then they become more and more of a player/hoe i dont condone it but i can understand the wall they put up but thats another blog and another subject that i will do later... Back to the matter at hand the "Nice Guy" and "Good Girl" syndrome is real to an extent. You just have to realize that you shouldnt let someone or some events change the person you are when you are happy that way... being the "bad boy/bad girl" my seem attractive but if you are true to yourself you will find that being you in the end is all that matters... dont change to be someone you are not and may begin to hate... Signing out, Jrome... (25 n still a good guy)