Alternate Realities

I was at work chatting with my coworker when she made the statement that “everyone has their own reality.” I didn’t argue with her at first mainly because it made me curious. So before I kept thinking about it I decided to run the question by Gevar. As G was giving his answer my brain kicked in and started running with the idea of everyone having their own reality. To some point I can jump on the band wagon that everyone has their own reality but I eventually have to jump off. Yes, it is true that we have our own unique perspectives and certain things work out for some people that don’t necessarily work out for others, but that doesn’t mean that everyone has their own reality, at least not in the grand scheme of it all. If the concept of reality varies from individual to individual then reality itself doesn’t really exist, right? If it did then we all would have to agree on the same reality, which we don’t, so in my opinion if everyone has their own reality then reality doesn’t exist.

Gevar’s argument was that everyone has their own reality about what they go through personally and how they interpret it. He felt that we interpret things based on our life experiences (which I agree on)… being that his experiences and mine are not going to be identical, so in theory our realities are different. He also went on to say that everyone is at different points and moments in their lives… also reinforcing the argument that we do have different realities. I countered by saying that there has to be a SET reality. There has to be a true reality in which we all exist and agree on. Sure, the direction in life that you may take is different from mine but does that effect reality? Do we confuse reality with perspective or is our individual perspectives reality? I don’t have a definite answer to that. I slightly agree that we have our own reality, but whether we see eye to eye or not, it is not like we can individually mold the “reality” around us into something else entirely. Then say we did have our own reality. What if how we perceived everything was our own unique reality? Why would I choose to constantly live in failure? I have the control to change it, it’s my perception, and therefore I can change it if I find enough evidence to do so. I can make myself believe in whatever I want. I can shape my life into whatever I want. I can choose to conform to someone else’s beliefs or ideals or I can choose my own. Life is basically made from the choices we make. You are the choices you make in life and those choices mold who you into the person you are and how you are perceived. I don’t really understand some of the crazy things some people choose to make sense to them, then again a lot of people don’t see how I come to the conclusions that I come to. We will not particularly see things exactly the same and something’s have to be approached differently for some people to grasp the concept or form the same conclusion another has. Does that really mean that reality really is ours to make up? Does reality change from individual to individual? Just because you believe something to be true or make sense, does that really make it true? Truth means something exists without a doubt or is independent of too much thought.

Well that’s my take; I wonder what other people think of this question.



[Definition] Reality is defined as:

1. the world or the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them
     a. a thing that is actually experienced or seen, esp. when this is grim or problematic
     b. a thing that exists in fact, having previously only existed in one’s mind
     c. the quality of being lifelike or resembling an original

2. the state or quality of having existence or substance
     a. (Philosophy) existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions

3. Phrases
      a. In reality- in actual fact 9used to contrast a false idea of what is true or possible with one that is more accurate)
      b. The reality is- used to assert that the thrust of a matter is not what one would think or expect

Expectations...

kar·ma [kahr-muh]
-noun
1. Hinduism, Buddhism. action, seen as bringing upon oneself inevitable results, good or bad, either in this life or in a reincarnation: in Hinduism one of the means of reaching Brahman.

To be honest, I don't really like talking about karma, ironically, however, I talk about it in some form or fashion everyday. We all do. I just like using the term "reaping what you sow. " they are similar in some form but different as well. Tomatoes or tomatoes, I know. We all have something we prefer over the other. Both terms do imply that whatever you do has a corresponding action to it. For every action there is a reaction.

I think we get upset with karma and life for a couple of reasons. We all know someone who wants more than they contribute in life (it may be you). You know, the person that gives a dollar expecting to be a millionaire for their contribution. I'm not saying it doesn't happen, but be a little more realistic with your expectations (yes, I realize that the amount doesn't really mean anything. If that was all you had then that's more people Should strive to give as much). There is also that person who does something small for you and in return wants you to do something huge for them, knowing they would never accept something like that from you.

Instant gratification is starting to become a major downfall for a lot of us as well, especially when it comes to interaction with one another. We want instant gratification for just about everything we do. Instant karma doesn't generally happen that way in life and we also tend to attempt to push instant karma on each other. Negative actions are not trumped by negative responses. If your ex cheated on you, let it go and move on. Stop trying to get back a them so that you can have some sense of evenness or because you want to teach them a lesson. You just got schooled in betrayal, so how are you gonna teach the same lesson? All you are doing is adding to your own negative karma. Move on and find happiness elsewhere, if that's an option. Our emotions do not need to be instantly appeased, and that what gets us in trouble. We feel a certain way and we feel some need to cater to that emotion, and perform some action with little to no thought. We then end up with a bigger problem than what we started out with.

I use to wonder if karma existed or not. I questioned it because I wanted instant gratification and I felt that things weren't going fairly in my life.... In other words I felt like I wasn't getting what I deserved. I was asking why me a lot. Truth is, I probably was getting what I deserved, I just didn't realize it at first. Every action has a reaction, and you reap what you sow.

Many people compare life to a garden or a field, I'm no exception. You have to make sure that the ground you choose to plant is is suitable for growth, cause that's your foundation. Then you have to make sure that the seeds you plant will produce the fruit that you want. It makes no sense planting apple seeds when you want oranges. If you want positive things to happen to you in life, you have to be positive. It's that simple. Success starts out in your mind. You have to think and believe before you actually do. And that's the care and time you put into your garden. If you neglect your product for too long then it's not going to grow the way you want it to. Life does have unexpected outcomes though and your fruit will not always produce the way you expect it to. However, once your fruit has develops you have to share it with others. It's not just for your consumption alone.

There is a phrase I've heard too much of in the last couple of weeks: "If you are the smartest in your group, then you need to find another group." I have no idea why people believe this statement. Why should you change groups just because you are the brightest? A pastor doesn't dump his deacons because they don't experience revelations on the same level he does. He shares his revelations, and in turn they apply that to their lives and share with others. Thats what we should all do with our knowledge. It's our gift. It's our fruit.

When it comes to giving, you don give just so that you receive. Thats not why you give. Eventually you will recurve but that's because giving inspires more giving. We give because we are able to. Plain and simple. We have an abundance of whatever it is that we have been inspired to give. Giving brings others that much closer to feeling whole.

Trivial Pursuit

Happiness...

We chase it.....but at what expense? I believe the answer to that is subjective to one's general outlook on life. When I think of what happiness means to me, I don't think of every facet of my life being near perfect or everything "falling into place" and me being carefree because of it. Nor do I believe that when I reach some level of "success" or notariety I will then be happy and I can kick my feet up. How many times have you dreamed and yearned for something you thought you needed, then when you finally attain it, it's not as fulfilling as you thought it would be? In my opinion, that is due to the fact that you haven't found your PERSONAL happiness. Thus you're chasing your "dreams" for the wrong reasons and your efforts are fruitless more often than not. I've been there once or twice as I'm sure you have as well...it's something that all of us struggle with.  To me, true happiness comes with self-actualization and peace within. Sounds cliche but it is truth.               

It's not a coincidence that a lot of the people who I admire personally and artistically live a "Bohemian" lifestyle to some degree. They don't really abide by trends, societal standards, or "keeping up with the Jones'". They are not different for the sake of being different (which a lot of people strive for), they have reached a point where they have found peace within themselves so they do what truly adheres to them. They don't broadcast it for recognition; instead it radiates and the world seemingly moves out of their way and respects them because of it, for the most part. There is a fine line between bitter independence and peaceful independent living. Learn the difference between the two and live for YOU.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 I believe spending time with yourself is essential as it allows you to get in tune with who you are and helps you gain perspective. We all need alone time...to think for ourselves...to do all the little things that make us happy...to reflect on and appreciate life. If you need people around you at all times in order for you to feel comfortable, that is a red flag.  Don't be afraid to be alone in your own thoughts and feelings sometimes...no matter how unstable they may be. Our personal demons never just vanish or fade away over time, they grow into more complex issues so we must face them and move forward with our lives. So I challenge you to ask yourself, what is holding you back? The more you understand yourself, the more perspective you gain about EVERYTHING. Stuff just starts to make sense, for lack of a better phrase. You learn to take life's curveballs in stride and still remain in tact while being proactive to catalyze change for the better.

Truthfully, finding peace (or as much as possible) is a never-ending process. Therefore, I believe true happiness is in living. Don't get caught up in the pursuit...instead just LIVE. Happiness is not some destination to reach...it is all around us. It is up to us to adjust our perspective on our current (and future) situations. We can not forget to live our lives for US, and not for the approval of the world, or even our friends and loved ones. Trust yourself and enjoy the ride. It's just life....no one makes it out alive anyway. Lol

Soulmates....?

Admit it...even if you don't want to. At some point in your life you have seriously felt, or had an inkling, that you found your soul mate. Take a second, think back, and recall who you gave that title to....

Some of you are cringing and shaking your heads right now.

Some are laughing hysterically.

Others are smiling because you may still be with that particular person.

I used to believe in the concept, but I'm pretty certain I don't anymore.....and I'm happy about that. Blame my 25 year old cynicism if you will, but I don't believe anyone is mapped out to fit us. I don't believe I was necessarily "made for" anyone and no one was "made for" me.  I know I sound like a huge cynic, but follow me.

I am a man who believes in opportunity.  Not to get super religious, but I believe when we ask God for things like patience, knowledge, or acceptance, we aren't just automatically granted what we wish for. Instead, we are put in a position (aka, given the OPPORTUNITY) to be patient, to gain knowledge, to accept. It's up to us to recognize that opportunity and take that first step toward gaining whatever it is we ask for. With that said, I don't believe happiness in relationships depends necessarily on the person you are with, but more on where both of you are in your development as individuals. You MUST be on the same page. Thus, I believe that finding someone "for you" is a product of good timing and seizing the opportunity...nothing more, nothing less. I seriously doubt that if I had met my lady when we were 18, her and I would have clicked and ended up together. We were two TOTALLY different people than who we are today and it probably would have gone bad pretty quickly...lol

A lot of times, we are too quick to bestow the "soulmate" title because we want a strong connection so badly to the point where we do our best to MAKE one...especially if the relationship is a good one (or better than we've had previously). We are afraid to lose that person, to be alone, to have to "start over". And before we know it, what was once love (if it ever was) has turned into convenience and fear. We trick ourselves into believing that this is the best thing ever, then when the truth reveals itself we scare ourselves into staying in unfulfilling relationships. Holding on to what we think is best for us, when all we're really holding on to is familiarity....All because we have prematurely convinced ourselves way too early in the relationship that "This is it." Not necessarily because of the other person, but out of our own selfish aversion to the thought of being alone....

Sound familiar? We've all been there, whether on one side of the equation or the other.

 The Foreign Exchange - Fight For Love by EVO85


I think one of the best things anyone can do when it comes to relationships is calm down. Take your time and BUILD something worthwhile...one brick at a time. We focus too much on "Forever" and not enough on building up to Forever. Stop thinking and trying so hard...you shouldn't have to TRY to be with someone to where you start to force a relationship. Let go of the ridiculous titles "He/She is my everything."  "Always."  "Forever."  That stuff is way to absolute to focus on and claim so early on in a relationship. The best relationships are ones where the two individuals have accepted that it could indeed NOT be forever and always, thus they focus on actually building a relationship from the ground up to a (possible) Forever; and letting life "happen" in the meantime. Whether that means that all they'll ever be is friends or they end up married for 60 years. They understand that they probably can't create the cookie cutter dream that they've had about what a fulfilling relationship is "supposed" to be.

They know and accept that they know NOTHING except that they can't force love where it doesn't exist. Square pegs do not fit in round holes, no matter how much we want them to sometimes. In other words, it is what it is.

Timing & Opportunity




Skip to about the 6:30 mark. The beach scene....contains one of my favorite dialogues.



Peace,

GB

What is the definition of "me"

Disclaimer: I wrote this on the train on my phone (the only free time I have in a day) so excuse my errors in grammar and spelling.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "Why am I the way I am and how did I get here?" Over the years we've made plenty of "bad" decisions and even more questionable ones. But I believe "bad" is a term subjective to how much we've accepted change in our lives and how willing we are to move forward. I could go on and on about living life with no regrets and the bigger picture....(insert yawn). But as human beings it seems that we use the "what if" as a way to cope with those "bad decisions". Almost as if we use the knowledge to validate our deviation from the paths set before us by a third party (parents, teachers, etc.) Is that what a lack of regret actually means? That we haven't necessarily accepted our past as a catalyst for growth but instead an excuse to let our aspirations plateau?

Recently I've posed this very question to myself. You will never hear me complain about what life has thrown at me, but is that due to the acceptance that extravagant dreams are no longer a viable component of my journey? Excuse my language but fuck that, my socially "bad decisions" and mishaps are my favorite and most memorable situations. And almost always they are a derivative of some epiphany that prefaced the action (or in some cases, the lack thereof).

Some of us had children out of wedlock, or got married too early, etc. etc. Now, where is it written that once you've introduced such a profound and irreversible alteration in your life your "dreams" no longer factor into the path of your life. For one, my mother did this to me. Every decision I made/make equates to my lack of maternal instinct and inability as a mother. So now its inherent guilt that subconsciously makes me think twice when I'm "too happy". If I'm happy, its always at someone else's expense right? Yes, that sounds/looks silly when the words are given tangibility, so why then, do we allow this mentality to resonate in our own personal pursuit of euphoria?

In a sense, its common to strive for mediocrity. Especially as women, we feel the incessant desire to provide for someone else, whether a child, spouse, parent, friend, or hell a complete stranger with limitless inconsideration for how it places a definitive ceiling on our own growth and well-being. I've done all of the above, as most of you have I'm sure, but in all honestly, the ultimate ability to provide for any of these entities is ONLY derived from the internally and often ambiguous ability to look out for ourselves.

Back to basics for a minute. Take a woman who works her ass off to provide for her children as a single mother and make sure her children want for nothing. And look at the dad who stays with his overbearing wife working hard (watch Diary of Tired Black Man). As a society, we think "that's a worthy person" because we can assign tangible hardship to their journey. FF 15 years, the kids are grown, and have a fear of commitment etc. All because they've never witnessed what its like to simply pursue happiness. Ok PBS time is over but am I making a little more sense?

So regret is not something we have to eliminate, but let it be an opportunity to further our dreams and reach for something outrageously silly that will make those closest to us shake their heads and question our sanity. That's how we can best provide for them. Fuck them all, and only then can we learn to love them in ways we never could comprehend before. There it is. Good night and live it up!

P.S. if I was on a computer I would post Joss Stone-"Right to be wrong" check this isht out ASAP as possible...hehehe

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

*Ghidorah Update*:  

Who Am I? Who Are YOU???

The group post this week should be an informative one for our viewers. We'll call it the "profile"....a list of completely random questions that we will all answer to give you a better understanding of who we are individually and what we are about. Feel free to participate and answer these questions for yourself. It all begins with self-undersanding! We hope you enjoy!

State your name, occupation, and where you reside:

G: Gevar, flyest nerd you know, DMV by way of B'ham, AL.
V: Vaughn, Accounting Operational Support Specialist (I'm really a dreamer and a gamer). Birmingham, AL is where I kick it
J: Jerome(Brandon), Jack of All Trades, B'ham, Al.

How do you start your day?

G: I wake up around 5:30 or 6, use the bathroom, fool around on the internet for 45 mins - 1 hour while I eat, shower and dress to music or a movie, leave by 7:45 to face the day.
V: I have my alarm set to 4:30 every morning. Upon first waking up I stare at the ceiling and think and appreciate the things that I have around me. Sometimes I actually get up and excerise a little other times I end up going back to sleep. Before I leave every morning I try to make myself smile in the mirror, that way I start each day with on a positive note.
J: Up at 3 or 4 am, bafroom break, turn on MTV Jams while getting dressed, grab a snack to eat, out by within an hour to face the days SLAVERY!

What is your drink of choice?

G: Snapple Mango Green Tea or Water; alcoholic: Conjure (RIP Hennessey)
V: Topicana Orange Juice and water, or a nice blended fresh lemonade. Alcoholic: Maker's Mark
J: Water or Any kind of lemonade, Coholic: Rome Grown (cuz i murder anything you think you can make BETTER!)

Where is your favorite place to eat a meal?

G: Right now....Noodles & Company. And anywhere that serves calamari.
V: I'm not really that picky but my favorite places to eat generally involve my family. So my favorite place to eat is at my parents house, in the kitchen. My second favorite place to eat is at my grandmother's house. I will never grow tired of eating in those places
J: Favorite place would prolly be anywhere with good people(friends/family) around me.

What was the last movie you've seen?


G: "Tears of the Sun" ....came out like 7 years ago but I'm just now seeing it. Really good movie.
V: Crazy Heart... this is a really great movie and Jeff Bridges (Academy Award winner for best actor 2010) gave an outstanding performance. The soundtrack is really solid too...
J: "The Blindside"... and suprisingly enough liked it more than i thought i would... glad i saw it


What's the last book you read?

G: CompTia Security+ Study Guide. So ready to get this test out of the way...
V: The Bible, which I am still studying... last bbok I finished reading was The Conversation by Hill Harper and I'm in the middle of a Tony Dungy book.
J: Tupac's The Rose That Grew From Concrete... still read it almost daily

Quote a song or a poem:

G: Fat titties turn to teardrops as fat ass turns to flab Sores that were open wounds eventually turn to scab Trees bright and green turn yellow-brown, autumn caught 'em See, all them leaves must fall down, growing old... - "Growing Old", Outkast

V: I look in your eye and I see the pain in it
Life's a game, huh, maybe the game did it
I know I changed, they say that fame did it
Life is changed, huh, maybe the game did it
Two friends, now in two different places
I'm "Mr. Catchin' Planes" and you catchin' cases
Friendship, we never based it on position
No matter the game, we both shared the same vision
Decisions to split us in the place that life seemed to hit us
I would come to town and never get up with you
Around then things weren't so simple
I had my own issues that I was trying' to get through
Outside chatter, messin' with our mental
on the chase for funds to trusts, you can't forget too
It's the real friends that you got to tend to
No matter how far, you'll just know that I'm with you
(Common, from  "Decision" by Busta, Jamie Foxx, Mary J. Blige, and John Legend

J: Had to get back to me, get back to mines

Get back to fam, get back to rhymes

Lay down at night and say without shame

Today I was a man, tomorrow I'll be the same

Be a bonfire when others are just a flame

Be a memory when others are just a name.. (Phonte-Little Brother - When Everything Is New)

Who would you cast in your dream concert lineup?

G: Marvin Gaye, Anita Baker, OutKast, Miles Davis, Esthero, Nas, Little Brother

V: Kanye West, Common, N.E.R.D., Tank, Lupe Fiasco, OutKast, Dwele

J: Tupac, Jill Scott, Marvin Gaye, Little Brother, Musiq, Floetry, OutKast (In that order too lol)

At home, what do you keep beside your bed?

G: Wallet, cell phones, keys, watches, bottles of whatever I was drinking before I fell asleep

V: Alarm Clock, notepad, black pen, blue pen, glasses, remote control, iPhone (usually playing songs)

J: Cell phone, pen & pad, juice/water, remote

What city would you adopt as your second home?

G: I haven't visited a lot of cities so this may change in the future, but right now, VA Beach or Austin, TX.

V: I really like L.A. and Miami... Proabably L.A. cause its really laid back (the area I always visit)

J: Ft. Lauderdale, Fl or sumwhere in Hawaii (love it there)

Why do people lie?

G: Fear. Fear of the truth. Fear of being judged/disliked/looked at differently. Fear of misunderstanding or unacceptance. Fear of conflict.

V: Fear and shame. I don't think people lie to protect others, they lie to protect themselves from shame. We are always aware when we are not doing something right (at least we have a small sense of awareness)

J: Bitch-Ass-Ness...................................... or what they said.... samething

What do you regret?


G: I guess the "correct" thing to say would be "nothing, because *blah* *blah* *blah*" but truth be told we all have regrets. Mine would be not mapping out a career plan sooner than I did. I also regret the way I chose to handle some situations in the past, but I've forgiven myself and all is well now. Life is grand :-)
V: I tend to regret things I really had no control over, like not finishing out my senior year in track due to injury from the previous years.... I was a hard worker too. I do wish that I would have not pledged though. That was a waste of my time and energy and a distraction from my goals. That was a difficult time in my life though and I put my concentration into the wrong thing. Not that anything is wrong with pledging its just that it wasn't something I should have involved myself in at that time. I had some fun times though.
J: Not fully persuing music when i should have, and not diving fully into my "dreams". But im happy never-the-less

Tell me 5 names stored in your phone:

G: *Random scroll* - Abdul, Wachovia, Mom, BK, Mee-Moe

V: Momma, Dad, Je'Vana, Jason, Brandon King

J: Mama Dukes, G, Vp, Shay, Bk

What do you do with the clothes you no longer wear?

G: Leave them in my closet....lol I really should donate more often. Haven't done it in a couple of years. Moms raised me better than that..
V: I give them away when I can, I don't like keeping clothes with me that I don't wear. I try to wear everything in my closet and drawers. I will wear any Chirstmas present given to me.
J: Goodwill, Hannah Home... donate somehow. Or give my shirts to mama dukes she got damn near a whole closet of my old shirts....

If you could spend the day with anyone, who would it be?

G: My grandfather who passed when I was 2. 
V: My parents... my dad, if its one person. We talk about lots of stuff and he gives good advice and motivates me.
J: My Brothers... the time we share now days is priceless, B'ham, Savannah, Ft. Lauderdale.... still too far apart

Can you cook?


G: I can do enough. I can't "throw down" but you'll be satisfied, not hungry, and not throwing up once I'm done. I know my cohorts are about to brag their a**es off so get ready...smh.
V: I don't like to brag but I can cook. I like to experiment and try new dishes. I think cook is as simple as being able to read and comprehend what you read, or just have a taste for what you like and the ability to put it together and make it taste good. Ask Gevar if I can cook.
J: DAH FUCK... really ask me this? shid yall gonna make me write a cooking blog wit pics of my fiy fiy cooking...

Who was the last person you cooked for?


G: My lady.
V: My brother
J: Mama Dukes... she know what it is

How do you know when you're in love?


G: When what you feel defies explanation and you don't feel obligated to explain it because it makes sense to you. You just know.
V: When I stop concerning myself with the things that i want and want to do the best for her. But apparently I don't know if that was really love or not
J: When i can think about her and smile no matter how i felt before

Where is your favorite place to go to be alone?


G: A few places: my office (need a code to get in), driving around aimlessly, and of course the crib. No place like home.
V: at home in my bedroom. Many years ago it use to be the track early on a saturday morning.
J: at night on the front hood of my car looking at the stars... dont get more peaceful than that

What is your purpose?


G: To gain as much knowledge, wisdom, and understanding as possible in my own life so that I can help guide the next generation while doing what I can now to make it better for them. Long way to go...
V: I don't know right now. I want to lead and manage. I've always been placed in leadership situations and positions and I handle situations well. I have a level head when it comes to problem solving.
J: In my eyes... to make my mother proud and to be able to leave a legacy that my children can respect.

When is the perfect time to say goodbye?


G: I hate goodbyes....It's not always about giving up; sometimes it's just best to let go. But even then I don't believe a "goodbye" is necessary....it's too final and absolute for me. I don't like to burn my bridges or accept that I will never see someone again. We never truly mean it when we say it...I know I don't.
V: Good byes are hard to me, but I'm learning to accept their purpose. Depends on which "good bye" you are refering to. Really you should make every moment worth it. I try to take advantage of the opportunities I have with my friends and family. Be patient and enjoy each moment, even if it isn't the best moment
J: Never liked goodbyes and i usually try to avoid them, some you cant but just because something has ended doesnt mean its good bye just a... see you later than normal.

How do you sleep at night?


G: On my side or my stomach...and I sleep rather well.
V: on my back or in some fetal postition... I'm not a mover or restless sleeper. 
J: i toss and turn (back injury) can't stay in one spot too long

Who is your hometown hero?


G: My parents.
V: Parents
J: My Mama Dukes... strong enough to raise 3 men on her own.... who's stronger?

What is in your pockets?


G: *feels pockets* Nothing right now.
V: Security badge, a pen, wallet

J: Lighter, Wallet, Money


What do you think of when you hear the word "sword"?


G: Power, death, life, violence, security.
V: Power, respect, skill, violence, responsibility, death
J: 300.... what you asked what i think of that was it... they just described it lol

How would you like to be remembered? 


G: A man who always stayed true to who he was while at the same time embracing change and growth within himself and others. A true friend who never hesitated to help in any way he could.
V: Not too long ago I just wanted to be remembered. I wanted to be remember as someone who was alwasy there for the people that are close to me and lended a helping hand when I could. Someone who wanted to be better each day. An understanding person who stood his ground in the midst of adversity

J: As a trusted friend, a great little brother (big brother to some), a loving son/uncle, the worlds best dad, and a husband who cant be matched....

oh and the Realest Equal Opportunity Rascist you have ever met....

I Just Wanna Be Successful....

This one was inspired by an interesting convo I had at Starbucks on Saturday. Sometimes when you start speaking you surprise yourself. Just hearing yourself say some things can make you realize the ways in which you have grown. Sometimes that is a bad thing, but thankfully this was not one of those times. I've had enough bad revelations about myself for one year....lol smh. Success....what is it? No really....what is it? And don't give me a dictionary definition or a societal/social answer, those are someone else's thoughts. What is success according to you? I feel that far too often our idea of success gets a little skewed. Society teaches us that we constantly have to work hard, constantly have to be on our toes or we may miss an important opportunity or be passed up by the next person. Sometimes we get so caught up in "grinding" professionally from day to day that when we actually have time to just chill and focus on our personal lives, it's foreign to us. Then we feel lazy, stagnant, unproductive, etc.. Recently, the "No days off", "I'll sleep when I'm dead" mentality has become an epidemic. Listen, I get that it provides encouragement and inspiration to say those types of things and it sounded good in that song you heard or when Diddy said it. But is that really what you want for yourself? Sleep deprivation is not sexy. Some feel that you make too much of a sacrifice professionally when you have too much of a personal life. Others feel the opposite. While I can agree with both, I believe in BALANCE. In my opinion, you can and should have both. Life is not as fulfilling otherwise and there will always be a void you'll be looking to fill. It's pretty ironic to me to hear a person say that they are happily married to their career or to money or whatever because they are against settling in their personal lives. But to me, that mentality in and of itself is in fact settling and, in a way, cowardly. I believe it is perfectly feasible and necessary to have REAL friends, maintain a relationship with your family, and/or have a significant other while reaching your goals. I've seen people purposely isolate themselves to reach their goals and end up doing that so long that they become afraid of relationships, afraid to get close to anyone, afraid of hurting or getting hurt, afraid of loving or being loved; so they get comfortable in their own fear and never take that chance to really live. They purposely accept long-term careers that keep them on the go so they are not in one place long enough to build a life there... What are you running from? Because you can't dodge it forever. That, to me, is settling....fear of life and all that it brings. Not having the ability to enjoy every aspect of life. And that's what I'm afraid of....being one-dimensional. Having tunnel vision to the point where I drive out everything else. Having "success" but no one to share it with is failure to me. I love what I do for a living and I have a plan for where I would like to end up to ensure security professionally and financially. I will achieve these goals, but they aren't my life's purpose. When I accomplish these goals, I also want to remain close to my family and friends. I do want to meet new friends and build new relationships in addition to the ones I already have. I do want to work towards eventually having a family and sustaining it. I want my kids to work hard and be able to compete but I refuse to cripple them emotionally and mentally because I've focused too much on just one aspect of life when raising them. I want them to know how to love, how to care, how to accept, how to think, how to be an individual. That will surely take them much further than my degree or my money can. - GB

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." - Anna Quindlen