How Do You Want It?

How Does It Feel?

Many many females feel they just KNOW what a man wants and needs when in all honesty its probably a whole lot simpler than you may think. For certain "HOLIDAYS" some feel as if they have to do something extra sexy/special when actually the fact that you've shown up has done it all... (i know krazy right lol) Yet don't get me wrong if you like going all out for your man believe me he enjoys it just maybe not how you want him to. There starts the problem and the lack of a problem all in one so now... lets break in ALLL the way DOOOOOOWN....

So you went to Vicky Se. to get that nighty that will show off your curves to an extent he may have never seen before. You cut off all the lights, light some candles, put on some nice slow sensual music. May spread sum rose petals on the floor from the entrance to the bedroom where you have the satin(silk if u got the money) sheets ready for action. He comes home, walks in the door and calls your name, asks where you are as he follows the petals, gets to the door and sees you on the bed, drops his bag n takes off his tie. As he approaches the bed starts unbuttoning his shirt then he asks... "what's all this for?(record scratches)". You tell him, "it's because i love you." and he proceeds to tear and rip away at everything you have on as he does his own. Leaving your brand new nighty bedside without a mention of it at all... there starts the problem! Cause THAT nigga and give you NO credit for ALL that damn work you spent ALL that time doing.

The only thing i have to say to that is... you did it to yourself babe. While you have some men that do appreciate that from the spouse/wifey/gf/boo whatever, it does occassionally go unnoticed because the lead up to it is great but the experience is what MOST men are in it for. Now if you're lucky you have a man that is willing to give you great 4play for as long as you need to get... READY! lol (If you dont have this kind of man subtle hints or a simple "(domination)role playing" will help) Men always notice your curves with or without clothes and very few men dont know their womans every curve(unless they just caveman that azz every night). Sexy clothes are always nice but not needed, you can probably get the same rise out of him just by being at home on the bed naked waiting for him. You could even try waiting for him at the front door (if you know what time he gets home) because after a long day a nice "session" is always enjoyable in an empty house.

If you listen to music like i do, alot of R&B songs can give you ideas of when and where you can surprise your man.

• R. Kelly - Sex in the Kitchen **
• Tony Terry - In the Shower **
• Silk - Meeting in My Bedroom
• Boyz II Men - I'll Make Love to You
• Donell Jones - Can't Wait
• Dru Hill - Real Freak
• Dwele - Lay It Down
• Eric Benet - Chocolate Legs***
• Ginuwine - Sex
• H-Town - Knockin Da Boots*
• Jamie Foxx - Freak'in Me
• Jodeci - Freakin You
• Jon B. - Can We Get Down
• LSG - My Body
• R. Kelly - Bump N Grind

Ok i'll stop there for now... but you get my point, they may not give exact details but from each of those songs its not just sex or just love but the act. The act is what most men focus on, now it's not right TRUE. Yet when tempted with the female body most men's thought process shuts down to some extent (now im giving away secrets so please take note!!!). If you want your man to do ANYTHING ask him while naked... I bet he will say yes to damn near ANYTHING not because he didnt hear you but its like a kid when you have candy, "It's A Wrap!" Now me personally i appreciate the nighty, and the candles, and oils, and petals. Yet some heels and a little whipped cream will have the same effect.

If you really REALLY want to get your man in the mood and change it up without spending a while lot or thinking you've done too much. Act like you are cleaning the house with little to nothing on, put on your tallest boots, black panties, and bra and make him call you by an alias. Do something to tease him while he is on the phone, computer, or working from home. If you want a special night do something out of the norm. Every valentine's people expect roses and chocolate candles and a nighty. Throw him a hook, pull out a whip (will not work on all but then again you never know), put on a costume, role play. If you like the flower petals and candles let him do that for you and let him know that he should. Honestly men are so much simpler than you think, but if you want to go sexy, something spicy, something pleasureable? Try something besides the "love scenes" you see on your favorite dram show. Go with something that makes the imagination run and temp in the room rise. For most guys the best time to do something out of the norm is.... (wait for it)...... ANYTIME!!! the less expected time is the best time. Best places to cattch a man... EVERYWHERE!!! If he hops in the shower(bathtub)... hop in with him and give him reason to feel like i have to bathe again lol. If he is in the garage working on something give him reason to take a break. Stressed out about work give him reason to be stress free, watching the game? Show him how to use that 15min halftime LMAO.

Dont ever allow yourself to OVERTHINK what men want, our wants are easy good love, good food, good music, good sports(entertainment), good view, and a good drama free atmosphere. So instead of wondering so much as to what you should do for your man and wondering what he WANTS i just told you... now his individual needs.... needs..... NEEDS!!!, thats different find that out on your own Ms. Don't think you have to do something sexy for your man because you are sexy in his eyes you just have to find a way to make him see the freak in you that we all know is there.......... yes i said "we all KNOW is there", because everyone can be freaky, but there are only a few Freaks lol

Now that we have that out of the way tell him "How you want it, and how it feels" lol

SEX WEEK

First off, we hope everyone is starting off 2011 the right way. Since its February those New years Resolutions are being tested, stay strong.

We want to thank all the readers who have been with us from the beginning and even the new comers who are reading our post, we really appreciate the interest and the support. With that being said, this week our main topic is sex. I brought up the idea that we make this a week long subject mainly because I didn't want to leave my post hanging without some counter arguments. The other reason is because, its sex. We all talk about it, we all think about it (or not try to think about it) whether we are having sex or not. It's just something that is always popping up in some shape, form or fashion. It has become who we are. It has and is being used to define us sometimes. It's important and it isn't so important. It's complicated and simple all at the same time.
Everyone has an opinion on the subject, so this week we took the opportunity to allow other writers to be heard on the subject of sex. There really is no formate, its just some of our writers posting about what they want about sex, attraction, love, interest, etc.

We hope you guys enjoy the week. Feel free to join in on any conversations we start.

VP

Trivial Pursuit

Happiness...

We chase it.....but at what expense? I believe the answer to that is subjective to one's general outlook on life. When I think of what happiness means to me, I don't think of every facet of my life being near perfect or everything "falling into place" and me being carefree because of it. Nor do I believe that when I reach some level of "success" or notariety I will then be happy and I can kick my feet up. How many times have you dreamed and yearned for something you thought you needed, then when you finally attain it, it's not as fulfilling as you thought it would be? In my opinion, that is due to the fact that you haven't found your PERSONAL happiness. Thus you're chasing your "dreams" for the wrong reasons and your efforts are fruitless more often than not. I've been there once or twice as I'm sure you have as well...it's something that all of us struggle with.  To me, true happiness comes with self-actualization and peace within. Sounds cliche but it is truth.               

It's not a coincidence that a lot of the people who I admire personally and artistically live a "Bohemian" lifestyle to some degree. They don't really abide by trends, societal standards, or "keeping up with the Jones'". They are not different for the sake of being different (which a lot of people strive for), they have reached a point where they have found peace within themselves so they do what truly adheres to them. They don't broadcast it for recognition; instead it radiates and the world seemingly moves out of their way and respects them because of it, for the most part. There is a fine line between bitter independence and peaceful independent living. Learn the difference between the two and live for YOU.

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 I believe spending time with yourself is essential as it allows you to get in tune with who you are and helps you gain perspective. We all need alone time...to think for ourselves...to do all the little things that make us happy...to reflect on and appreciate life. If you need people around you at all times in order for you to feel comfortable, that is a red flag.  Don't be afraid to be alone in your own thoughts and feelings sometimes...no matter how unstable they may be. Our personal demons never just vanish or fade away over time, they grow into more complex issues so we must face them and move forward with our lives. So I challenge you to ask yourself, what is holding you back? The more you understand yourself, the more perspective you gain about EVERYTHING. Stuff just starts to make sense, for lack of a better phrase. You learn to take life's curveballs in stride and still remain in tact while being proactive to catalyze change for the better.

Truthfully, finding peace (or as much as possible) is a never-ending process. Therefore, I believe true happiness is in living. Don't get caught up in the pursuit...instead just LIVE. Happiness is not some destination to reach...it is all around us. It is up to us to adjust our perspective on our current (and future) situations. We can not forget to live our lives for US, and not for the approval of the world, or even our friends and loved ones. Trust yourself and enjoy the ride. It's just life....no one makes it out alive anyway. Lol

Soulmates....?

Admit it...even if you don't want to. At some point in your life you have seriously felt, or had an inkling, that you found your soul mate. Take a second, think back, and recall who you gave that title to....

Some of you are cringing and shaking your heads right now.

Some are laughing hysterically.

Others are smiling because you may still be with that particular person.

I used to believe in the concept, but I'm pretty certain I don't anymore.....and I'm happy about that. Blame my 25 year old cynicism if you will, but I don't believe anyone is mapped out to fit us. I don't believe I was necessarily "made for" anyone and no one was "made for" me.  I know I sound like a huge cynic, but follow me.

I am a man who believes in opportunity.  Not to get super religious, but I believe when we ask God for things like patience, knowledge, or acceptance, we aren't just automatically granted what we wish for. Instead, we are put in a position (aka, given the OPPORTUNITY) to be patient, to gain knowledge, to accept. It's up to us to recognize that opportunity and take that first step toward gaining whatever it is we ask for. With that said, I don't believe happiness in relationships depends necessarily on the person you are with, but more on where both of you are in your development as individuals. You MUST be on the same page. Thus, I believe that finding someone "for you" is a product of good timing and seizing the opportunity...nothing more, nothing less. I seriously doubt that if I had met my lady when we were 18, her and I would have clicked and ended up together. We were two TOTALLY different people than who we are today and it probably would have gone bad pretty quickly...lol

A lot of times, we are too quick to bestow the "soulmate" title because we want a strong connection so badly to the point where we do our best to MAKE one...especially if the relationship is a good one (or better than we've had previously). We are afraid to lose that person, to be alone, to have to "start over". And before we know it, what was once love (if it ever was) has turned into convenience and fear. We trick ourselves into believing that this is the best thing ever, then when the truth reveals itself we scare ourselves into staying in unfulfilling relationships. Holding on to what we think is best for us, when all we're really holding on to is familiarity....All because we have prematurely convinced ourselves way too early in the relationship that "This is it." Not necessarily because of the other person, but out of our own selfish aversion to the thought of being alone....

Sound familiar? We've all been there, whether on one side of the equation or the other.

 The Foreign Exchange - Fight For Love by EVO85


I think one of the best things anyone can do when it comes to relationships is calm down. Take your time and BUILD something worthwhile...one brick at a time. We focus too much on "Forever" and not enough on building up to Forever. Stop thinking and trying so hard...you shouldn't have to TRY to be with someone to where you start to force a relationship. Let go of the ridiculous titles "He/She is my everything."  "Always."  "Forever."  That stuff is way to absolute to focus on and claim so early on in a relationship. The best relationships are ones where the two individuals have accepted that it could indeed NOT be forever and always, thus they focus on actually building a relationship from the ground up to a (possible) Forever; and letting life "happen" in the meantime. Whether that means that all they'll ever be is friends or they end up married for 60 years. They understand that they probably can't create the cookie cutter dream that they've had about what a fulfilling relationship is "supposed" to be.

They know and accept that they know NOTHING except that they can't force love where it doesn't exist. Square pegs do not fit in round holes, no matter how much we want them to sometimes. In other words, it is what it is.

Timing & Opportunity




Skip to about the 6:30 mark. The beach scene....contains one of my favorite dialogues.



Peace,

GB

Embrace Yourself

I really get irritated when I tell a girl that I like her or use to like her and she says something like "But why? I'm goofy. I'm weird."
Apparently I don't care about all that and I'm willing to accept you the way you are.

I do realize that people make an attempt at being modest with these statements, but they come off as rather annoying to me. Just say thank you. For one it's hard enough trying to tell someone that you like them, then you hear this insecure sounding line...

Moving on...

I respect and appreciate a person that can be themselves around me. That makes me feel comfortable to be myself. It allows me to open up and let that person in to what makes me me. You shouldn't be ashamed to be yourself and if you are surrounding yourself around people that make you feel uncomfortable with yourself, then maybe you need to find some new people who are willing to accept you for who you are.



I don't know where the tendency to "down" yourself comes from (I guess the media). You should just accept the compliment when someone finds you attractive. Some people make excuses as to why you shouldn't find them attractive (which makes you unattractive, and I don't think it looks modest) and other people have to inform you of the things that you missed about their attractiveness..... This is another failure to me. Don't point out things you think I've missed about you, you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment.

I've found myself wanting to divert attention away from myself when I receive compliments. I do it for various reasons, but the easiest thing to do is say thank you. If I don't find them attractive I just appreciate their good taste in men and move on.

If you are attractive then that's what you are. I hate that females feel like they have to be dressed up and have their face caked up with make up and what not just to feel beautiful. Beauty really does come from the inside and we men can sense your insecurities. If a man finds you attractive in your lounge clothes then accept that. That's the real you. That's the you that you feel comfortable with when no one is around looking at you and judging you. If a man can find you beautiful at your ugliest moment then, I think you may have found someone worth hanging around with.

I never really understood women who prance around in tight short dresses and make-up and whatnot just so they can grasp unneeded attention. They seem like the most insecure people to me. I never understand that. Why do you feel you have to have this to feel wanted? You are already wanted by someone who appreciates you. Someone who understand the real you and not just have a piece of you.

What's the point of rejecting the people who want to care for you and when "boo season" hits then you are left posting "lonely tweets" and randomly express your loneliness.

**"boo season" is the season when all insecure females feel lonely and have the desire to cuddle and be with someone simply because the temperature has dropped and no one really wants to be lonely around Christmas time**



The funny thing about not really embracing yourself and not wanting to be with people who are willing to embrace you is that you stay lonely. It won't matter if you are in a relationship or not because the fact that you don't want to be you or embrace all of you still leaves you lonely. Won't matter if you are married with three kids and a house on the hill, you will never really be happy. People don't focus on the right things when they are single, men or women.

Guys, we are just as insecure as women are and we can be just as emotional when things go bad. We are all humans and we all are born with emotion. I don't care how hard you act, when a women rejects you, you feel vulnerable for a second and when you start dissing her because your feelings are hurt, guess what? Yep, that's exactly what you are. Just accept the fact that your approach was weak or that she didn't find you attractive and move on.
Put your energy in picking your self esteem off the floor and not toward dissing her

I don't understand why some guys find it hard to accept that we are emotional too. I just know that if you don't express your emotions the right way you may find yourself having a break down one night in the wrong setting

Eventually the real you comes out. So you might as well put in the real work to embrace it and let people know who you are, especially the people you care about. Life is too unpredictable and why wait until you are 30 to wonder why you can't keep or find a mate? Take your singleness into stride, focus on more than hooking up and what you don't have cause at the end of the day you will always have yourself. I'd rather have a positive outlook on myself then a negative one. So I'm going to love who I am and what I have.

Peace,
VP

Grindin' My Gears!!!

Short Intro: Basic everyday isht that annoys us....... simplest way to put it! lol

J:
You what really GRINDS my Gears... cellphones... now i must admit i could never run for any sort of public office because i would do away with cellphones usage while driving... i know yall are probably like "But why Rome? WHY?" Simple too many dumb muthafu**as out there that couldnt drive prior to getting a cellphone but now they want to text/talk while they drive... i swear, i know i have road rage but its because i actually care about my life and others when i drive... im not trying to die because you tryin to text another "shawt bus shawty" about what spot yall hittin tonite... if you suck at life dont make everybody else risk theirs when they're just trying to get to work/home/to their children... i've been nearly side swiped 5 times in the past 2 weeks, almost ran off the highway twice, cutoff 12 times, and almost rear ended 7 times ALL because of muthafu**in cellphones... and the problem comes in for me is.... i got insurance but if sumbody hits me i jus might get out n whip that azz then ima have to go to jail... cause if you're dumb enough to hit sumbody because you were tryin to focus on your call/text you deserve an azz whippin... anybody that knows me i will tell you QUICK "nigga im drivin i'll hit you back when i stop" y? because even though im a very safe driver i dont want to get distracted and hit sumbody or make them wreck because i wasnt focused on pushin a 10,000lbs killing machine. To my friends that do it.... F**K yall too lol(im serious and playing at tha same time)... cuz if you hit me we might be fightn jus cuz... but seiously think about the people around you for once think about the bad choices you make while driving without the phone and imagine how much worse they ae with it... Cuz "I DONT WANNA DIE" and thats what really grinds my gears...
G:
I don't really want to elaborate on one specific thing in detail this time around, so I have compiled a list of seemingly random things that urk me. Feel free to wave a hand, adlib, or testify if you feel me on any of these. What Really Grinds My Gears....

• Not turning off the vacuum cleaner when you're done with it so when I go to plug it in it startles me.
• Using the last of the toilet paper, getting a new roll out, but just placing it on the counter or on TOP of the roll instead of putting it ON the roll.
• People who can't control their saliva when talking......calm down and speak your words softly, I can hear you. Need a helmet with a visor just to have a conversation with you.
• People who say "huh?" after every statement they make. Ex: "That movie was really good, huh? ...We should go eat something now, huh? ...Ok I'm going to leave the parking lot this way, the other way is pretty jammed, huh?"
• The chronic overuse of the following words and phrases: swag, epic, movie (ex: "Last night was a MOVIE at the club!") [No....it wasn't.], futuristic, gucci, "In the hood like ______", "I'm so fly I can ______", "I'm flier/fresher than ________", and ANY & ALL references involving you comparing yourself to feces (smh)
• Fully capable and healthy people who take the elevator up ONE floor....wasting time for the other 8 people who need to go up 12 floors.
• "empathetic rejection of current policy without a tangible/quantifiable solution" (layman's terms: Disagreeing just to disagree.)
• People who don't use coasters.
• Being asked my telephone number/account number AFTER I already entered it using the key pad. I thought I was supposed to enter that info to "better assist me".
• CONSPIRACY THEORIES!!! Stop the madness, a lot of that bs is made up to keep you unfocused on YOU. Live YOUR life...or end up like MC *ahem* "King Hammer"...

And I'm out.
Peace.


VP :
I am going to get sniped for this mainly because I'm sniping people. Some people annoy me, and at times i may seem insensitive but you have to understand at those times, you just seem really dumb.

What's currently grinding my gears is people who just crave attention. Just stop, it makes you look silly. You have men who want praise for taking care of their kids. You are suppose to do that. Men who want a certificate for paying child support on time every month. Try being in the child's life full time (I know certain situation can pervent you from doing so). Women aren't any better either. And social networks have made this very, very, very annoying.

For instance, I'm reading my timeline on Twitter and I see someone complain that they have lost the ability to use their eyes... their post all day consisted of this "I can't see, someone help me" "Can someone drive me around, cause I can't see" "I can't find stuff, cause I can't see." This was crazy reading, cause it made no sense to me, stop straining to type. Other than that series of post I have to read (from other people mind you) "I'm hungry, who wants to buy me lunch, no cheap stuff" (get a job). "I'm really sleepy, someone come tuck me in" (choke yourself to sleep). "I have on sweatpants, a hat and a t shirt, I look like crap today" (you and everyone in the world know that you are still beautiful). "Why hasn't he called me yet, men are dogs" (wait, so you sleep with animals? What did you expect was gonna happen when you just gave it away?). "I feel some sort of way right now" (What does this even me? Are you that out of tune with yourself that you don't know what emotion you are feeling?). And my all time favorite annoying post "I'm so horny/frustrated/lonely etc."

As much as I wanted to ignore these post, I can't just erase out my mind what I just read or glanced over. It just makes me shake my head. Now I know I just pointed some people out, but this is the ignorance that most people, who crave attention, subject themselves to. Then when people point out these questionable actions then they want to get smart with them. GET BENT! I know that people want to be recognized and acknowledged but where does it end? People are grasping for attention when they don't need it. They want a bloody medal for doing insignificant thingsand feeling emotions. ROLL DOWN A HILL!!!!!!!





That's my rant, yeah yeah yeah, I know...

Could You Date A Pornstar?

I was watching a movie called, This Girl's Life. Don't ask me what I was thinking when I decided to watch a movie called This Girl's life, but it was a pretty interesting movie. It was basically about an adult film star and her life off camera. I know what you're thinking now, "I know why he watched that movie..." that's not it at all, but that's hat made it interesting. I suggest you check the movie out cause I liked it. Anyway, I was watching the movie and this question came to my mind, it's a little funny cause this isn't the first time I've asked myself this question, and my answer changes over the years. The question is: Could I Date a Pornstar? G introduced me to this song.... I thought it mildly appropriate for the subject. Lol When I first asked myself this question, my answer was yes. I was naive then. I thought the idea of dating a porn star would be really cool. I was lustfully making decisions off the idea of having great sex. Also when I would find a female attractive all I really cared was building on that moment. If we built on that moment then everything would be okay... I know, I know... So, I first said yes from then to now my answer is a definite no. I think the question is pretty funny to ask people. Almost everyone wants to act shocked that you would ask them a question like that. Like you just questioned all that was morally just with them. Chill out. Its just a question. I do have to say that my favorite people to ask this question to are the guys that cheat on their girlfriends. When I first ask them they first get this sense of excitement only for them to actually actually think about what it is that person does and eliminate the idea all together. Pretty amusing. Here you have a guy who is unfaithful to his girl but the idea of his girl being openly unfaithful to him is wrong. I couldn't date an active porn star and be cool with it. I'm not cool on the idea of infidelity and sex isn't all that to me. Yeah, it feels good, but it just a feeling. There is more to a relationship than sex. I don't like infidelity because I know how it would make me feel, so why do it to someone else if you can't handle the idea. I know people don't like being cheated on cause they sneak around when they do it. So the act ones with a sense of shame. I can understand that sex is a porn star's job but it's still sex. That's an intimate act, you can't get any physically closer to someone than that. Sex isn't just sex. We just detach ourselves from it's purpose. We are pleasure junkies. I just couldn't handle the fact that my girl is getting beasted at work and getting paid for it. On the other hand, I could probably date a former porn star. First thought about this when I saw the movie The Girl Next Door (good movie check it out). It's funny how we try to compare our morality to the morality of others. We compare and measure out actions against one another. We feel like just because when we make a wiser decision over another and the other person doesn't then that makes us morally superior than them. Then we start judging one another and don't even attempt to forgive them, because they "crossed the line" and we didn't. I think we need to forgive people and allow them to forgive themselves. Yeah she use to do porn but she doesn't do it anymore and she can't take those moment away, so do I hang that over her head? I don't think so. Sure it'll bring up some awkward moments but we can get over stuff. We need to get over some things I know when I ask people this question they tend to draw back in defense. Sometimes it's better to just open up and really answer a question to see where it leads to. I've been involved in some very interesting conversations that just sparked from a seemingly dumb question. Mostly cause I was being asked by some insightful people. Allow yourself to truly assess all that is involved with the question and you may find yourself challenging your own ideas and current actions. Hopefully it's all to change you into a better person.

The Good, The Bad, And The "F**K YOU TOO"

A few days ago i got to talking to G(Gevar) about my previous post and we dove into friendships, family, and relationships. As we grow up we USUALLY see (thru TV, movies, and in some cases real life) the joys of relationships. All of us tend to want the house with the white picket fence and the 2.5 kids and a dog/cat. Most of us are so caught up in that sense of being there, we are all hoping to reach that point of happiness not knowing the troubles we will hit. Our parents, bros/sis, try to warn us as we grow older and begin dating but you never know what that pain is until you go through it. In every decent relationship you have two periods that can really define how good or how bad the relationship will be, or has been. Most people hit the honeymoon mark and then start to see things that they had no idea about when looking at their partner... (Wait! Whats the honeymoon period? you ask...)

The honeymoon period is the 3-6 months after the relationship begins. its a time can can make or break any relationship. Why call it the honeymoon period? simple because once you hit that 3-6months you start to see thing about your partner that never bothered you before.

a few examples:

• They're not big on being romantic
• They tend to get mad over little things
• They get mad and raise their voice at you
• You can never do anything right
• They are very boring
• The sex is never anything new (same positions everytime)
• They dont clean up enough
• They never cook
• They NEVER pay for outings(dinner, movies, trips, parties, clubs, drinks ect.)
• They cant be satisfied in any way

The honeymoon is the first real test to any relationship (seeing that im GUESSING you already have the in with the rentals{parents}). It can be the make it or break it point depending on how many problems you may or may not have with you partner. Its a struggle but if its the relationship you want dive n and love hard. Sigh then theres that part that we get a glimpse of but never really understand until we go through it It can be one of those things that blindside you and knocks you off your feet. It can be a gut check by cheating, a fight, or simply realizing the truth to the fact that you are not meant to be. The cheating reason is possibly the most common now days because we have become a "please ME" nation. Only caring about what we want right now instead of what we could have tomorrow. We never know breaking up will be a good or bad thing we only know its hit and we have to deal with what it is. Sometimes we try to deny it and say "we can work it out". Sometimes we think that "it's ok she/he will be back". You know the "Break-up to Make-up" game that we've all experienced. Not exactly fair to either party yet in our own selfishness we overlook the damage it is doing and may do. Its almost lie'n not only to yourself but to the other person as well (but thats another blgo for another day). Sometimes the break up is the thing best for both parties. When you go through "The Break Up" most people tend to take it the way they've heard of it... as a bad thing. Yet most of the time we fail to realize that it can be good, dont see the growth we've made as a person, friend, lover, partner. I've always felt you can make good of any bad situation... but in the case of the honeymoon and the break up all you have to do is be real with each other and you dont have to worry about a situation getting bad you just learn to let it go and move on with continuing to find happiness. The Good, The Bad, and the POSSIBLE "Fuck You Too"... but only if you let it be

I Just Wanna Be Successful....

This one was inspired by an interesting convo I had at Starbucks on Saturday. Sometimes when you start speaking you surprise yourself. Just hearing yourself say some things can make you realize the ways in which you have grown. Sometimes that is a bad thing, but thankfully this was not one of those times. I've had enough bad revelations about myself for one year....lol smh. Success....what is it? No really....what is it? And don't give me a dictionary definition or a societal/social answer, those are someone else's thoughts. What is success according to you? I feel that far too often our idea of success gets a little skewed. Society teaches us that we constantly have to work hard, constantly have to be on our toes or we may miss an important opportunity or be passed up by the next person. Sometimes we get so caught up in "grinding" professionally from day to day that when we actually have time to just chill and focus on our personal lives, it's foreign to us. Then we feel lazy, stagnant, unproductive, etc.. Recently, the "No days off", "I'll sleep when I'm dead" mentality has become an epidemic. Listen, I get that it provides encouragement and inspiration to say those types of things and it sounded good in that song you heard or when Diddy said it. But is that really what you want for yourself? Sleep deprivation is not sexy. Some feel that you make too much of a sacrifice professionally when you have too much of a personal life. Others feel the opposite. While I can agree with both, I believe in BALANCE. In my opinion, you can and should have both. Life is not as fulfilling otherwise and there will always be a void you'll be looking to fill. It's pretty ironic to me to hear a person say that they are happily married to their career or to money or whatever because they are against settling in their personal lives. But to me, that mentality in and of itself is in fact settling and, in a way, cowardly. I believe it is perfectly feasible and necessary to have REAL friends, maintain a relationship with your family, and/or have a significant other while reaching your goals. I've seen people purposely isolate themselves to reach their goals and end up doing that so long that they become afraid of relationships, afraid to get close to anyone, afraid of hurting or getting hurt, afraid of loving or being loved; so they get comfortable in their own fear and never take that chance to really live. They purposely accept long-term careers that keep them on the go so they are not in one place long enough to build a life there... What are you running from? Because you can't dodge it forever. That, to me, is settling....fear of life and all that it brings. Not having the ability to enjoy every aspect of life. And that's what I'm afraid of....being one-dimensional. Having tunnel vision to the point where I drive out everything else. Having "success" but no one to share it with is failure to me. I love what I do for a living and I have a plan for where I would like to end up to ensure security professionally and financially. I will achieve these goals, but they aren't my life's purpose. When I accomplish these goals, I also want to remain close to my family and friends. I do want to meet new friends and build new relationships in addition to the ones I already have. I do want to work towards eventually having a family and sustaining it. I want my kids to work hard and be able to compete but I refuse to cripple them emotionally and mentally because I've focused too much on just one aspect of life when raising them. I want them to know how to love, how to care, how to accept, how to think, how to be an individual. That will surely take them much further than my degree or my money can. - GB

"If your success is not on your own terms, if it looks good to the world but does not feel good in your heart, it is not success at all." - Anna Quindlen

Bishop Eddie Long

With all the allegations against Eddie Long, we only thought it mildly appropriate and necessary to speak our mind on the issue that has been presented before us. Please feel free to comment and share your opinions as well.

VP I don't know why we continue to set ourselves up for these disappointments in life. You have to guard yourself at all times against things that just lead down dark roads in life. I'm not blaming the young men involved in the scandal, but if something doesn't feel right, chances are it isn't. I don't know how true the allegations against Bishop Long are, but the situation is not shaping out in his favor. He hasn't denied any of the allegations, but has denied the image that the "media" has branded him. As a representative of the Lord, these allegations shouldn't even be brought up. I heard one girl say, "They need to chill out on the issue cause everyone make mistakes." As true as this statement is, what Eddie long did was not a mistake. Mistakes are unintentional. Using your status and knowledge to sway young misguided men into performing sexual favors for you is beyond a mistake. We hold all our ministers and leaders to a certain standard of trust, that's because they are suppose to be (to a certain extent). Being human is not really an excuse that I accept either. Yes, we all fall short and bad decisions, but we need to own up to these mistakes and take responsibility for our decisions. We know when we are doing right from wrong. As a believer I have to look beyond his flaws, this should not be confused with giving him a free pass for his actions. I can't righteously throw stones at this man for what he did because I don't make the greatest moral decisions all the time myself (I can say that I would not do what he did). We try to measure which sin carries more weight than the other but sin is sin. Wrong is wrong. Doesn't matter how you spin it. You just have to deal with it, accept the consequences and move forward with your life. Allow yourself forgiveness. In saying all this, I do not believe it a wise decision for him to step down from his ministry due to public disgrace. One of our biggest mistakes in life is to condemn ourselves to the point where we stop doing the Lord's work (or for the non-believers, continue with our purpose in life). He was apparently called to ministry so he needs to continue to minister to the people. He should use this opportunity to connect more with his congregation and to face the demons of his alleged homosexuality and predator nature. Even God's chosen people had moral flaws and made bad decisions throughout the Bible: Moses let his anger get the best of him on more than one occasion; Jonah ran from his responsibility and threatened the lives of others; Samson was arrogant, which led to his downfall; David killed so he could have a man's wife, and so on. They still fulfilled the Lord's will. TO allow this man's struggle to push you away from the church and further challenge your faith would be a great mistake. Let this be a lesson to further educate yourself on your own faith and not allow someone to persuade into immorality through the Bible.

GB

This may sound bad to some, but I'm not shocked or surprised. I grew up involved in the church and was that kid who was there 3-4 nights out of the week for choir rehearsal, board meetings, etc.. Many of the pastors of the church were close to my family so I had the opportunity to witness their good and bad first hand. At an early age I came to terms with the fact that religious leaders were no more human than I was. I learned quickly not to put them on a pedestal because outside of the church, I couldn't tell much of a difference between them and my pops or my uncles. With that foundation, I learned to listen to the message they brought and accept them as a vessel, but it was always important for me to read the word for MYSELF and come to my own conclusions rather than completely relying on someone else's interpretation because of the person I perceived them to be...that never made sense to me. They are just as flawed as the rest of us.

Not to give our religious leaders a pass and not to bash them at all, but it just doesn't shock me if one of them messes up. We all fall short, stumble, even fall. If the allegations against Bishop Long are true, I think it's hypocritical to totally condemn him. He should be held accountable for his actions, but forgive that man. We are constantly forgiven, so who are we to throw stones and be unforgiving people? Stop with the speculation, the name calling, and the judgement of what kind of person you think he is and focus solely on what he (allegedly) did. (But the jokes are hysterical! Lol!) Hold people accountable for what they say/do, but never generalize a person's entire character off of one action. That makes YOU wrong and kills your whole argument because you're jumping the gun when you guess at things you can never truly prove.

*Example: I lie to you and you say to me, "You're a liar. I hate liars." ....So you've never told a lie? ...Oh you have? So by your own definition and logic, you're a liar too. So you hate yourself.....?

See? Makes it way too easy for someone to derail your argument VS. "You lied to me. I hate when people lie to me." That keeps the focus on what was actually done and puts the person in a position they can't duck out of. Stick with the facts versus making rash generalizations; it makes for more effective communication. We are in no position to place moral labels on other people. I don't care what you are. I care what you did.

For those using this situation as an excuse for their lack of (or loss of) faith, stop it. Your "faith" was flawed from the jump if this particular situation shakes it. One man's personal actions shouldn't drive you from your beliefs. Faith shouldn't lie in WHO you believe in, but rather WHAT you believe in...

Jrome:

I will not speak on religion or test anyones beliefs (cause i do not see it fair, or worth giving time to for people to argue about), what i will speak on is people.

Since the beginning of time we have always said dont judge one by his/her actions, yet we do it on a daily basis with anyone in any sort of spotlight. We as a people choose to tear down anyone who has more "shine" than ourselves. Wether it be in sports, church, hollywood, gov't. We never want to be judged for OUR actions but if they do it its wrong... TRICK PLEASE!!! No one is perfect and i doubt anyone in our life time will be. We choose to believe that "celebs" are perfect, why i have no idea. I see these people as someone who has a gift and they use it for their benefit. Micheal Vick is a really good (ion know bout great) football player but we judged him like krazy and still do to this day, T.I. is a good rapper (still cant say great) but he made a crappy choice, Bill Clinton was quite possibly the best president in the last 50yrs but he slipped (more than once).

Does that mean we are better than them? No. Just means they did wrong and should get what they deserve. Do i believe in killing animals? No. Do i believe in carrying guns? No. Do i believe in Adultery? No. Do i believe touching little kids is ok? No. should they all be punished? Yes. but if you hold them to a standard you dont hold yourself to then you are just as flawed as them if not more.

If Eddie Long did it send his azz to jail n tell him "have fun". If he didnt then he didnt, and if we never find out then he will get his just due. Is it right to make him guilty prior to finding out no, but if you judge this man what does that make you, what does that say about your belief system, and who gave you the right to say that anyone else should be punished when you dont know the details or facts (dont get it twisted im not defending it AT ALL). So i say to you before you place judgement on someone ask yourself this "Is it my place to judge someone?" We spend so much time judging others turn that mirror on yourself from time to time see if you should be judged. Or is that not Fair?